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Adult Children Speak Out About Same-Sex Parents
via the Corner at NRO | Maggie Gallagher

Posted on 07/10/2004 2:11:58 PM PDT by annyokie

ADULT CHILDREN SPEAK OUT ABOUT SAME-SEX PARENTS

It was the TV pictures that first got to Bronagh Cassidy. Same-sex couples marrying in San Francisco: "They were so proud of themselves. And then they had these little children with them." Cassidy, a 27-year-old married mother of two, sighs. "Something inside of me wants to be able to help those kids, because I know they are going to have problems." Sound ignorant, maybe even bigoted? This week, as the Senate is expected to begin debate on a constitutional amendment to protect marriage, many voices will try to convince you that people like Cassidy are, as Cheryl Jacques, head of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, put it in a recent letter, "hate-filled people who will stop at nothing to achieve their discriminatory, offensive goals."

But Cassidy knows better: She is one of the first generation of "gayby boom" babies, raised by two moms. Adult children of same-sex parents are rare. I recently came across Cassidy's story by accident, after she e-mailed a friend of mine who is a family scholar.

Back in 1976, Cassidy's mom had a religious ceremony with a woman named Pat. To make Cassidy, they did artificial insemination at home, mixing the sperm of two gay friends "to make sure nobody would ever know who the father was," says Cassidy. (That was in the days before widespread DNA testing.) The two women stayed together for 16 years, until Pat died. Three years later, Cassidy's mother married a man.

What was it like for Cassidy being raised by two women she called "Mom" and "My Pat"?

"When growing up, I always had the feeling of being something unnatural," Cassidy says. "I came out of an unnatural relationship; it was something like I shouldn't be there. On a daily basis, it was something I was conflicted with. I used to wish, honestly that Pat wasn't there."

Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? "It's not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn't say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they've been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs -- they want to have a child -- and they are not taking into account how that's going to feel to the child; there's a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad."

Sounds judgmental in print. But up close, Cassidy comes across as fiercely protective of her mom (Cassidy is a pen name she's adopted to protect her mom's privacy). Like many children of same-sex parents, she was expected to defend and protect her mothers from society's homophobia. Her own troubled feelings about her family life were clearly unacceptable to her parents. Even now, the prospect of speaking about her own experience gives her the shakes.

Cassidy's story is not science. It's just her own feelings. Many researchers say most kids do just fine in these alternative family forms. Cassidy doesn't buy that research, though. "I don't think a fair study could be conducted because children currently in that family wouldn't necessarily be open to speaking their true feelings about it."

A few years back, she watched "20/20" interviews with children like her. "They were asked questions like: 'Are you happy? Do you love your parents?' I don't think it's fair to ask them those questions. These are their parents. They aren't going to say they are suffering, because they don't want to make their parents feel bad."

Some people will say if Cassidy's mom and "my Pat" had been legally married, everything would have been fine. Cassidy doesn't think so. "Even if society were open to it, there's just the whole issue of your self-identity. I always had the feeling I was in a lab experiment."

She feels driven to do something, say something to protect other children like her. "Whenever I see it on TV, something inside of me says NO. I don't think it's fair that the kids are being put in this situation. They don't have a choice about it."

Do any other adult children with same-sex parents feel the same way? Will we allow any space in this intense debate between adult combatants for something as simple as one child's feelings?

(Readers may reach Maggie Gallagher at MaggieBox2004@yahoo.com.)

COPYRIGHT 2004 MAGGIE GALLAGHER


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: catholiclist; homosexual; homosexualagenda; prisoners
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1 posted on 07/10/2004 2:11:58 PM PDT by annyokie
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To: annyokie

You don't get to choose your parents. I understand how she feels, I actually identify with her on so many levels but she'll make herself sick worrying about other people.


2 posted on 07/10/2004 2:16:22 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: annyokie
What was it like for Cassidy being raised by two women she called "Mom" and "My Pat"?

Some things are too easy to pass up.

3 posted on 07/10/2004 2:16:46 PM PDT by martin_fierro (P a t r v v s M a x i m v s)
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To: martin_fierro

LOL!!!


4 posted on 07/10/2004 2:18:20 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: annyokie
Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? "It's not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn't say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they've been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs -- they want to have a child -- and they are not taking into account how that's going to feel to the child; there's a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad."

Pretty much says it all.

5 posted on 07/10/2004 2:19:57 PM PDT by k2blader (It is neither compassionate nor conservative to support the expansion of socialism.)
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To: little jeremiah

Interested?


6 posted on 07/10/2004 2:26:20 PM PDT by BlessedBeGod
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To: annyokie
I feel for this woman. She confirms what I've always expected is the norm for children of same sex couples. I hope she'll give private, closed door testimony to the senate.
7 posted on 07/10/2004 2:27:53 PM PDT by cake_crumb (UN Resolutions = Very Expensive, Very SCRATCHY Toilet Paper)
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To: annyokie

Actually, I thought that the children would have problems to deal with. Kind of sad because no matter what the gays say, it is un-natural to be homosexual which is also the reason a homosexual cannot procreate, they always need a third party.


8 posted on 07/10/2004 2:28:25 PM PDT by Dustbunny
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To: annyokie; cyborg
"Whenever I see it on TV, something inside of me says NO. I don't think it's fair that the kids are being put in this situation. They don't have a choice about it."

I guess the "Heather has two Mommies" crowd will get their panties in a real wad about this story.

The homosexual agenda is GREEDY and selfish and uses any means to justify their perversion. Children are nothing but a tool to them.

No wonder they are an integral part of the DemocRATic Party.

9 posted on 07/10/2004 2:28:34 PM PDT by Chieftain ('W' in '04!)
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To: Chieftain

Actually, my gay accountant is a Republican and she and her partner feel the same way this woman does about gays having children.


10 posted on 07/10/2004 2:30:43 PM PDT by annyokie (Sure, take all the umbrage.)
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To: annyokie

I agree with your accountant.


11 posted on 07/10/2004 2:33:25 PM PDT by cake_crumb (UN Resolutions = Very Expensive, Very SCRATCHY Toilet Paper)
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To: annyokie

BTTT


12 posted on 07/10/2004 2:34:03 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (This Tagline for sale. (Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Chieftain

Some people are selfish. But I say again, she can't control other people and can't choose her parents.


13 posted on 07/10/2004 2:34:37 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: martin_fierro

No kidding. I think it is absolutely unavoidable for that image to pop into your head when you read about a woman named "Pat" in a same-sex "marriage."


14 posted on 07/10/2004 2:39:16 PM PDT by B Knotts
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To: cyborg
You don't get to choose your parents. I understand how she feels, I actually identify with her on so many levels but she'll make herself sick worrying about other people.

I don't know that it would be any better for her if she just tried to ignore it. There's something therapeutic about being able to share why what you experienced others need to avoid.

15 posted on 07/10/2004 2:40:06 PM PDT by FourPeas ("Separate property from private possession, and Leviathan becomes master of all." ~Dr. Russell Kirk)
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To: annyokie

I agree with you accountant too. It's unfair to these kids not to be able to experience a mom and dad.


16 posted on 07/10/2004 2:40:35 PM PDT by freekitty
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To: cake_crumb

Not to sound like I have a large circle of gay friends, but I had lesbian neighbors, an attorney and her partner, who had a little boy (I didn't ask about the circumstances) who was darling, of course, but I always doubted the wisdom of their decision.


17 posted on 07/10/2004 2:41:07 PM PDT by annyokie (Sure, take all the umbrage.)
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To: k2blader
And she was one of the lucky ones that (it sounds like) had a reasonably stable home life. Oh, I know there are others, and the gay homosexual militants will trot out as many of them as they can, but I'm sure that there will be plenty more that never marry, spend their lives in therapy trying to get straightened out, act out with drugs and alcohol, and all the other wonderful things that happen to people who live in dysfunctional families at critical times in their youth. What I"m saying is I'm betting the percentage of these "families" that are unstable is extraordinarily high.
18 posted on 07/10/2004 2:41:21 PM PDT by johnb838 (France is the enemy - France has always been the enemy)
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To: johnb838
What I'm saying is I'm betting the percentage of these "families" that are unstable is extraordinarily high.

No doubt!

And this is very un-PC to say, but it's bad enough that divorce is accepted in our society. That's already hurting children.

19 posted on 07/10/2004 2:45:34 PM PDT by k2blader (It is neither compassionate nor conservative to support the expansion of socialism.)
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To: FourPeas

I'm not saying she should not talk but she can't turn back the clock on her own life. She almost sounds like she wishes she had not been born.


20 posted on 07/10/2004 2:46:05 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: Dustbunny
Actually, I thought that the children would have problems to deal with.

You don't know how right you are. The first studies that showed a neutral effect have been blasted for being grotesquely flawed. The most recent longitudinal studies have shown that children of gay "parents" are more likely to have behavioural problems, more likely to be disruptive in school, be expelled and to drop out, to experiment with drugs and sex earlier and at a higher rate, to have homosexual encounters, to have early criminal records, to have higher rates of depression, mood disorders, etc.

It is on the level of child abuse to allow homosexuals to adopt or have children through artificial means. But that is un-PC "hate speech."

21 posted on 07/10/2004 2:52:14 PM PDT by Ophiucus
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To: annyokie
t was the TV pictures that first got to Bronagh Cassidy.

Imagine having to grow up when everyone called your mom "Butch Cassidy"!

22 posted on 07/10/2004 2:53:27 PM PDT by Defiant (Moore-On: That throbbing anticipation felt by a liberal hoping for America's defeat.)
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To: *Homosexual Agenda; EdReform; scripter; GrandMoM; backhoe; Yehuda; Clint N. Suhks; saradippity; ...

Homosexual Agenda Pingl. One woman's viewpoint about "two mommies". Of course, andecdotal and all that. But the more stories the better.

let me know if anyone wants on/off this pinglist.


23 posted on 07/10/2004 2:55:10 PM PDT by little jeremiah ("You're possibly the most ignorant, belligerent, and loathesome poster on FR currently." - tdadams)
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To: BlessedBeGod

Thanks! I always appreciate being alerted to relevant articles, I miss some interesting ones.


24 posted on 07/10/2004 2:55:44 PM PDT by little jeremiah ("You're possibly the most ignorant, belligerent, and loathesome poster on FR currently." - tdadams)
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bump.


25 posted on 07/10/2004 2:58:00 PM PDT by Lyford
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To: cyborg
You know, I think that's part of the healing process -- a grieving over what's been lost and what shouldn't have been. I've been there, too. When something hits especially close to home, I think it's easy for those of us who haven't been "there" to not comprehend the full extent of the impact.

That sounds much more preachy than I'd like, but I can't seem to reword it so it makes sense. Please take it in the spirit offered: as a comment from someone who is currently trying to make sense of something she wish hadn't been.

26 posted on 07/10/2004 2:58:00 PM PDT by FourPeas ("Separate property from private possession, and Leviathan becomes master of all." ~Dr. Russell Kirk)
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To: B Knotts

Pat is a woman?


27 posted on 07/10/2004 2:59:58 PM PDT by johnb838 (France is the enemy - France has always been the enemy)
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To: FourPeas

okay fair enough...I've been there too and wouldn't want her to waste her life.


28 posted on 07/10/2004 3:01:13 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: annyokie

Life is wretched for many people, including kids of married straight couples, kids of "single moms," etc.

I think that if her "parents" hadn't made a big deal about it - it wouldn't have been a big deal. Many people in the past were raised by sisters, aunts, friends, mothers and grandmothers, or any combination thereof. Some were even raised by unmarried men, but men usually got a governess/ housekeeper or their sister or mother to actually take care of the child. Those who had no female relatives just did the best they could.

The whole problem is this "gay" program that is now being dropped on these kids, and they are now being expected to defend it.


29 posted on 07/10/2004 3:03:21 PM PDT by livius
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To: Ophiucus
The first studies that showed a neutral effect have been blasted for being grotesquely flawed.

Do you have any links to sources? This is going to be an issue for members of my family in a few years, I'd like to keep up on things.

30 posted on 07/10/2004 3:03:28 PM PDT by Paradox (Occam was probably right.)
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To: Dustbunny

A friend was born into a home with a mom and dad. They soon divorced and mom "discovered" that she was a lesbian. My friend went from a fairly normal tomboyish girl (OK, she was a really intelligent geeky kid) to a radical, in-your-face, sexually active lesbian. Before too long, none of us recognised her as the wonderful friend we'd grown to love.


31 posted on 07/10/2004 3:06:15 PM PDT by FourPeas ("Separate property from private possession, and Leviathan becomes master of all." ~Dr. Russell Kirk)
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To: livius

yep exactly


32 posted on 07/10/2004 3:06:25 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: annyokie

Cassidy's story is not science. It's just her own feelings. Many researchers say most kids do just fine in these alternative family forms. Cassidy doesn't buy that research, though. "I don't think a fair study could be conducted because children currently in that family wouldn't necessarily be open to speaking their true feelings about it."

A few years back, she watched "20/20" interviews with children like her. "They were asked questions like: 'Are you happy? Do you love your parents?' I don't think it's fair to ask them those questions. These are their parents. They aren't going to say they are suffering, because they don't want to make their parents feel bad."



I agree it's totally absurd to expect an adult rationalization from CHILDREN. Children are so unaware and unknowing and no doubt very confused. It's the adults who try to put ideas and words into childrens impressionable minds.


33 posted on 07/10/2004 3:07:05 PM PDT by SunnySide
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To: little jeremiah
To make Cassidy, they did artificial insemination at home, mixing the sperm of two gay friends "to make sure nobody would ever know who the father was," says Cassidy. (That was in the days before widespread DNA testing.) The two women stayed together for 16 years, until Pat died. Three years later, Cassidy's mother married a man.

I boldfaced what I consider the most salient passages. Can't have fathers. And why on earth would her mother have married a mayyy-an?! I thought sexual orientation only went one way -- gay!

34 posted on 07/10/2004 3:07:54 PM PDT by mrustow ("And when Moses saw the golden calf, he shouted out to the heavens, 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!'")
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To: Dustbunny

"unatural and they always need a third party"


... or an all out orgie (blech) complete with plenty of sperm mixers and swizzle sticks. Lord deliver us from evil.


35 posted on 07/10/2004 3:09:52 PM PDT by SunnySide
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To: FourPeas

"I don't know that it would be any better for her if just tried to ignore it. There's something theraputic about being able to share why what you experienced others need to avoid."

I have a friend who tried to ignore her past which was painful and she is only now beginning to talk about it. Sometimes things eat you up inside and you are not even aware of it. I say we let these people talk and share their experience with others. It's not only theraputic for them....it's always good to see all sides to an issue.


36 posted on 07/10/2004 3:10:06 PM PDT by Arpege92 (Moore is so fat that when he hauls a$$ it takes two trips - tractorman!)
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To: mrustow

Very good points.


37 posted on 07/10/2004 3:11:29 PM PDT by little jeremiah ("You're possibly the most ignorant, belligerent, and loathesome poster on FR currently." - tdadams)
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To: livius

I'm not making any judgements. Just reporting this young woman's POV.


38 posted on 07/10/2004 3:17:02 PM PDT by annyokie (Sure, take all the umbrage.)
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To: livius
The whole problem is this "gay" program that is now being dropped on these kids, and they are now being expected to defend it.

Bingo. Back then it was acknowledged that "the situation isn't ideal but we are doing the best we can." This is a far cry from the attitude today.

And kids love their parents unless their parents are absolute monsters and sometimes even then.

39 posted on 07/10/2004 3:19:54 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Even if your choices are limited to Pestilence, Famine, or Death, you can still make a wise choice)
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To: mrustow

Men are irrelevant now in this age of sperm donation, esp. DYI turkey baster types with no money.


40 posted on 07/10/2004 3:23:39 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: cyborg
Men are irrelevant now in this age of sperm donation, esp. DYI turkey baster types with no money.

"Men" or fathers? Synthetically produced sperm still apears to be a ways off -- like never! (Men will have to be imprisoned on sperm farms.)

What does "DYI" stand for?

41 posted on 07/10/2004 3:27:12 PM PDT by mrustow ("And when Moses saw the golden calf, he shouted out to the heavens, 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!'")
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To: seamole

ping


42 posted on 07/10/2004 3:27:54 PM PDT by To Hell With Poverty
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To: mrustow

DYI means do it yourself... I meant fathers but I forgot that not all men who produce sperm behave like a father should. No need to imprison men though. Predatory sperm clinics pay man hundreds of dollars to do what they do for free on lonely saturday nights so no need for sperm farms ever.


43 posted on 07/10/2004 3:30:41 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: mrustow

Do It Yourself


44 posted on 07/10/2004 3:36:08 PM PDT by To Hell With Poverty
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To: Paradox
Do you have any links to sources? This is going to be an issue for members of my family in a few years, I'd like to keep up on things.

Sure thing.

Cameron and Cameron was one of the first studies.
Cameron P, Cameron K. Children of homosexual parents report childhood difficulties. Psychol Rep. 2002 Feb;90(1):71-82.

Timothy Daley wrote a slightly outdated but excellent review on refuting pro-gay arguements and the early evidence of harm in gay parenting at:
http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS01J3

Stacey and Biblarz have made a bit of a stir in the news challenging the "no effect" bull even though as good liberals they favour homosexual parent "rights": Fox News article

That will do for a start. Bear in mind that of the last 49 studies in favour of homosexual parenting, 48 were published by those in activist groups that support homosexual parenting "rights" (Nidal).

45 posted on 07/10/2004 3:42:26 PM PDT by Ophiucus
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To: To Hell With Poverty

Ah. Thanks.


46 posted on 07/10/2004 3:44:55 PM PDT by mrustow ("And when Moses saw the golden calf, he shouted out to the heavens, 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!'")
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To: annyokie

So you're a homosexual too, huh?


47 posted on 07/10/2004 3:45:04 PM PDT by Windsong (FighterPilot)
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To: Windsong

Not me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. ; )


48 posted on 07/10/2004 3:51:32 PM PDT by annyokie (Sure, take all the umbrage.)
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To: cyborg
NO.

She Wishes she had a REAL "Dad!!"

There is a Genetic Program in Humans that REQUIRES the "Input" of BOTH Male & Female (OR, if You Prefer, Both Female & Male) to produce a Stable "Human Being."

Despite Tens of Thousands of years of "Experimentation," we Have YET to find a "Substitute" for this Recipe.

Some Traits are "Hard-Wired" into our Species; "Mom & Dad" are among them.

Doc

49 posted on 07/10/2004 4:15:14 PM PDT by Doc On The Bay
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To: Doc On The Bay

Yes but we don't always get what we wish for. That is my point. She's already born and grown up.


50 posted on 07/10/2004 4:16:09 PM PDT by cyborg
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