'Hey, have I time for one more Twinkie,' begged 600lb Cindy Bigdrawers, as fire-fighters removed the window from her bedroom, before hooking up the hoist to lower her outside.
Disconsolate and mere moments from impact, Iris recounted the misfortunate timing of her brake failure as her faith in advertising left her soul with a whoosh: "I guess Avis doesn't really try harder."