The following is my report of Night 4 of the DNC in Boston.
FYI, I'm a right-wing single republican, so forgive the
testosterone fueled narrative.
-tesco
- parked the motorcycle in charles river park. walked over to the loonie bin.
they had opened it up a bit, and now the anarchists controlled canal street.
someone was piping a lousy version of "we shall overcome" over loudspeakers...
it sounded like a coven of 60s braless lesbians. i went through them with my
"hope is on the way" sign, with a picture of edwards in a mercedes, chasing
an ambulance. the anarchists hate everybody, so they liked the sign.
- walked down to new chardon street to catch the delegates before they entered
the fleet. I had a sign that said "you KNOW you want dean! kerry's a loser".
i cant even tell you how many of them said "that's right, but what can we do now?"
- saw a bunch of rabble-rousers walking down from bowdoin. turns out they were the
"vietnam vets against kerry". so i took out my sign that said "when the vc needed
a stooge, john kerry said 'send me!'", and joined them. we marched through the
loony bin chanting "ho ho ho chi kerry" and "kerry lied, good men died". then we
marched up to his mansion on the hill and the vets threw ceremonial medals (gum)
over the police gate as an "F You" to kerry.
- left the vets. while walking to faneuil hall i ran into the lyndon larouche people.
one was an absolutely smoking hot blonde, so naturally i took a seat and was
instantly curious about larouche. this chick sat next to me and started showing
me the larouche doctrine from some pamphlet called "Satan's Children III".
No mater, as she was talking about the gold standard, neocons and nazis, i had
a great view of her hooters. this went on for like an hour, and then she asked for
my number so she could call back for more indoctrination. So i asked for
HER phone number so i could take her to dinner. at that point she waved a cheap-ass
engagement ring at me, told me she was married and 10 weeks pregnant. doh!
so now the freaks have my phone number and i have no crazy hot chick.
- walked to faneuil hall. msnbc was there live with "Hardball". barnicle was
on the panel, and some drunk next to me kept yelling "hey barnicle you suck!".
i got behind chris matthews but couldnt get a sign on the air. but soon
chris matthews left and so did the crowd. 5 minutes later joe scarborough
started the show again and i had a front row spot. many times i got
"kerry betrayed his 'nam buddies" on the air, as well as "W kicks terrorist ass",
which scarborough signed. i'm proud of the work i did there for the vast
right-wing conspiracy.
- at one point two hot northeastern girls, three sheets to the wind, were walking by.
i told them to stand next to me so they could get on TV. so the conversation
goes something like this:
"who's that guy? he has a great ass"
"that's scarborough"
"hey scarborough! i love your ass!!" "hey scarborough, take us to your
hotel room!" "i love cocaine, whoo!" "hey scarborough fair, are you
garfunkel??" "how about a lap dance scarborough"
so one sees a few kerry stickers that the dems put on a sign of mine, and
she says she wants to put one end on her boob, and the other end of the sticker
on her friend's boob, so they'd be stuck together. i said only if i could
do it. no problem! so i pull off the sticker, and pat it, many more times
than necessary, right smack on their bazookas.
"hey scarborough, we're glued together! take us both scarborough"
"hey scarborough, we'd love a Hardball" (ok i prodded that one out of them).
when it fell off, one of the girls wanted my other sticker all for herself,
so she moved her hooters over to me and i got about 5 pats and 3 honks out
of her that time.
- coke girls leave. two hot but dignified girls take their place. they're
from wellesley and surprisingly one is a republican. the republican seems
interested! she saw my W sign and wanted to see them all. she was getting
good laughs out of them until she came to the one that i wrote just to piss off
all the lesbians hading out "keep abortion legal" stickers. it said, in big
font, "PRO-CHOICE", and then in small font, "chicks are easy". Well, you
can take a girl out of wellesley, but even a republican wellsleyan has no
sense of humor about the issue. struck out.
- to top the evening off, Triumph the insult comic dog made an appearance
and i got to rub his rubber head, which sounds odd now but it was cool
at the time.