Posted on 07/28/2004 3:56:14 AM PDT by Liz
Humorist Andy Borowitz insisted last week that officials had found Osama bin Laden in the pants of Sandy Berger, Clinton security czar.
Well, maybe not.
In FleetCenter hallways yesterday speculation reigned that Osama bin Laden was instead found crawling out of a Cape Canaveral test tube Monday, disguised as John Kerry [related, bio].
``I'm telling you,'' insisted one DNC hanger-on. ``Look at Osama's beard. Draw it on `Bubble Boy' here. It's a dead ringer. The litmus test? Ever see the two of them in the same room?''
Other leading theories on why in the world our would-be president, this week of all weeks, would ever let himself be photographed in a silly suit on hands and knees?
``Looking for weapons of mass destruction,'' said John Rooney, Norwood.
``He was being born,'' said Boston cop Bob Fitzsimmons.
``Imitating a giant prophylactic,'' said Carol Fitzgerald at South Station. ``No, no. He's a test tube tot,'' said a New Jersey delegate who wouldn't be named.
Some saw an ET-phone-home resemblance. Or Oompa Loompahs from ``Willy Wonka.'' Others thought this was but another attempt by Mr. Aloof to De-loof himself and show his madcap side.
But the top two theories on why in the world our would-be president, this week of all weeks, would ever let himself be photographed in a silly suit on hands and knees?
No. 1: Paying homage to Woody Allen's scared sperm in ``Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex...''
No. 2: Paying penance for deep-sixing a DNC speaking role for Michael Dukakis. Thus Kerry reprised the infamous tank ride.
``Whoever was there advising was not entirely on top of the problem,'' said CNN's Wolf Blitzer on the convention floor when asked to analyze Sperm-gate fallout. ``Oh give me a break,'' said former New Hampshire Gov. Jeanne Shaheen, now a Kerry campaign honcho, dismissing Sperm-gate inquiries as ridiculous. So did several earnest delegates.
But if ``Bubble Boy'' isn't of tank-like proportions, it is a problem image-wise, no? If 30 years of Duke's career could be summed up by one tank ride, can't, say, six months of Kerry's be captured by Osama does Disneyworld?
``No,'' Shaheen shot back, polite but firm, leaving one to ponder: Was there no mirror available? And where was Terry ``shove-it'' Heinz when her man needed her?
The little Duke was not to be seen anywhere in or out of Fanueil Hall.
Maybe he was taking another ride in the tank?
I like it.
LOL!!!
Almost every one of those jokes mentioned, you saw it first on FR.
Shows how much they lurk on our threads!
Kerry just isn't presidential. After the Clinton scandals, why would the Democrats choose a clown such as him? Imagine his crude wife and the daughter in her seethrough dress in the White House.
He looked like a green smiling booger emerging from a giant nostril.
ROFL!!!
I was thinking of a different orifice.
JFKerry has "special" eyes, in his bunny suit his eyes are sky blue.
Everytime I see him live on the tube they are black/brown!!!
What is it with the Democrats and their fashion statements anyway? First the Dukey and his hat; then Kerry and his various body suits; and, last night, Teddy and his "shirt heard round the world"? Of course, there's always Billy Boy and the blue dress.
Then, seeing the action added to the pic, it became clearer Kerry was an ad for a Planned Parenthood suction abortion.
"See, kids, abortion can be fun. So, if you forgot to use birth control and have a bothersome pregnancy on your hands, go to your local abortoreum. Planned Parenthood won't hurt you. I promise."
So that's why Kerry's grinning........Adding "action" to the Kerry moonsuit pic clearly shows Kerry's backside in motion. And what a turn-on posted on a gay site. The poof crowd would get worked up with that vibrating duct looking like it's hooked up to Kerry's ***.
Hahah!! gross.
ROTF!!! Again! I had to clean off my monitor after seeing that one this morning :) That's what I get for eating in front of my FRED.
We got a good giggle at my office yesterday of the pictures of the "Bilgin' Waffle" wearing the bunny suit with the Photoshopped ears. I would have put a colorful basket of Easter treats in one paw myself, but I'm mean.
The White House - 2005
One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry"
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
You can tell what an embarassment the photos were because Mary Beth Cahill was on FNC with Brit last night claiming they were a set up--that Kerry's tour was supposed to be private, but NASA leaked the photos.
What hooey!
If that wasn't a photo op, then why were all the pix posed, with Kerry and cronies smiling and looking right at the camera? None of the shots I saw looked candid.
Why would NASA, an agency that would most definitely want to stay on the good side of a potential president, leak a photograph of him?
It seems to me that I saw this on the NASA web site -- somebody linked it -- and it just looks like a promotional picture, if you get what I mean.
How in the world did Kerry ever think that he could go with two other senators and a former astronaut and the picture NOT get in the paper? Does he really think he's that special?
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