No, that interview wouldn't work. Here's what would happen:
1. The Bush campaign maintains that you spent 20 years in the Senate with no signature legislative achievements. What do you consider to be the five most important pieces of legislation that you've authored?
KERRY: I've authored a lot of important bills in the Senate. I don't want to get into the details right now, but my experience in peace and war takes a back seat to no one, as the administration is well aware.
a. What's the most important piece of legislation regarding intelligence you've authored?
KERRY: It's funny you should mention intelligence, because part of being a Swift Boat captain is knowing how to interpret intelligence reports. You have to know where the enemy is, and take the fight to them. (Interviewer rolls his eyes.)
b. What's the most important piece of antiterrorism legislation you've authored?
KERRY: When serving on a Swift Boat, the attacks against you are basically a form of terrorism. The Viet Cong blended in with the locals. I have seen up close how what was essentially a terrorist attack put a man in the water, who I later rescued. (Interviewer silently counts to three and takes deep breaths to calm himself down.)
c. What's the most important piece of health-care legislation you've authored?
KERRY: I learned a lot about health care when I was wounded three times in Vietnam. One thing that we must..(interviewer screams and walks out.)
KERRY: I learned a lot about health care when I was wounded three times in Vietnam. One thing that we must..
..never run out of is neosporin.! If'm elected President, every person, legal or not, will have their container of neosporin.