Just a clarification on the amnio issue. In our case, my wife decided to have the triple screen test done, even though we did not do it for our first child. To this day, she does not know why she decided to do it. The triple screen came back positive for DS - merely meaning that there was an elevated risk (1 in a 100) that our baby had DS. We discussed the option of an amnio with the OB-GYN - someone who is definitely pro-life, along with others whose wisdom we valued.
In the end, we chose to have the amnio for one simple reason - we assumed that the results would come back negative and it would therefore make the remainder of the pregnancy that much easier. And, my wife was far enough along that the risk to the baby was minimal - nowhere near the risk numbers someone posted above (particularly given the skill and experience of our OB-GYN). We concluded that it would be far better to find out that everything was OK, as this would greatly reduce the stress on my wife, which of course puts stress on the baby.
Did it help us knowing ahead of time that our baby had DS? You bet. Sure those first few weeks were hard - harder than anything I have ever had to deal with. But, we were able to be better prepared, and the additional level 3 ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy helped in identifying potential health concerns. And, having dealt with the grief long before made the joy of our son's birth that much more special (particularly given the fact that he had no significant health issues when he was born).
One other thing - when we had the amnio we could have found out with 100% certainty the sex of the baby. We chose not to. Some find that odd, but it did help make our son's birth a bit more exciting. Likewise, we have not found out the sex of our third child, even though once again the amnio would tell us with 100% certainty.
Thanks for your comment on amnio. We are also prolife. Our 8th child has Downs. We didn't find out about the Downs until 3 hours after birth. Noone knew whether or not to congratulate us or to extend condolences. The whole birth experience was sad, overwhelming, and emotionally exhausting. I had no clue we would have a special needs child, and I wasn't on God's sign-up sheet that I knew of! LOL Today she is a rambunctious, delightful, tiring six-year old. She does add a lot of strain, and she does add a lot of joy. When I get overwhelmed and weary, I just think about "when you do it for the least of these, you do it for Me." Not that she's least in my sight, mind you.
However, on our tenth child, I had an amnio. I just couldn't face another delivery day surprise. I wanted to be emotionally prepared, ready to welcome whoever God sent. I'm so glad I did it! We moved a month before delivery, and in the midst of that upheaval, the peace of mind helped a lot.
Ten kids are a piece of cake, but a special needs child is the icing. We are all grateful that God chose us.
=== One other thing - when we had the amnio we could have found out with 100% certainty the sex of the baby. We chose not to.
Aw, that's so cool! I understand perfectly. My sister instructed her physician and his staff to withhold from her the sex of their childred through the pregnancies. It IS more exciting that way.
While chances are extremely slim at this point I'm going to meet a man interested in marrying and impregnating me while I still can have kids, I do also understand your wanting to know so as to be better prepared in a way. I could see going that same route even if I have absolutely no intention of ever terminating a pregnancy.
My aunt and I always have been tight but grew even moreso during the almost-year I spent caring for my grandparents and getting them over a hump of sort. I think one reason I'm so determined to find a way to support myself by working at home is because I want to be in a position to have her come live with me if she chooses once her folks are gone.
In the same way, if ever I did end up with a handicapped child, I'm positioned to take care of him or her myself. It's sad but true that many marriages don't survive that sort of blow -- I know of a couple women on this forum, in fact, who ended up alone in charge of fulltime care for a special needs kid.
All the best to you and your family. You certainly can never go wrong doing the right thing. And, just as beloved Sister Mary Jude comforted my Mom after the loss of her firstborn son -- "he shall be in the flower of his manhood when you meet with him again in Heaven" -- I've no doubt that you and folks like you tending little angels on earth will be in heady company in Heaven once Christ has made all things new and each reaches the perfection for which he was originally intended.
I know my aunt suffers greatly at times. I can remember watching a show about an autistic child once and, as the parents were being informed their kids would always be different and have problems, I heard my aunt murmur on the window seat above: "Like me."
It's time with her and kids at the Children's Medical Center and such that have taught me to look past appearances as a rule and seek always the little telltale signs of the miraculous which give us hope and surprise us with joy.
All the best, Mr. Noodle.