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John Kerry had been planning an "October surprise" for many months. Initially he had planned on having Al Gore endorse President Bush, but Gore backed out at the last second. So now, instead, in a bold move in the waning days of the campaign the Kerry camp is going to send John Edwards to a cemetery to announce a new pledge. Harking back to Edwards's promise that if Kerry were elected president the paralyzed would walk again, Edwards will promise that if we elect John Kerry president the dead will come back from the grave.

It is believed that this move will help the campaign with swing voters in the mid-west and with the dead, a formerly Democratic constituency, but now a swing group. Democratic strategists are eager for this move to lock up the dead vote for Democrats once more.

Once a reliable voting block for the Democrats in Chicago and elsewhere, the dead have been moving Republican ever since Bill Clinton raised taxes on them in 1993.

....the dead will come back from the grave.

I live in Cook County, IL. They've been doing this and voting for years. 1960 is a particularly memorable year for this phenomenon.

Excellent. And fitting.

The problem, as we now, (post-Cristophe, post-botox, post-eyework) see, was never "haggard." "Haggard" is electable. (See LBJ.) "Cadaveric" is not, at least not outside of Hawaii. And Kerry's dissonant new "do," like the mortician's careful coif, only enhanced the funereal gloom. One has to wonder if Shrum was brought in (dispatched?) to praise Kerry... or to bury him....

Once a reliable voting block for the Democrats in Chicago and elsewhere, the dead have been moving Republican ever since Bill Clinton raised taxes on them in 1993.

Last poll in Cook County among the dead was 79% Kerry and 10% Bush, +-4%. This is a significant improvement over past presidential elections, so you may be on to something. However, the undecided dead may be hard to move, they're in concrete.