Skip to comments.The Fortnight Before Christmas - a poem against anti-Christmas nuts
Posted on 12/07/2004 7:51:14 AM PST by DaveLoneRanger
'Twas a fortnight before Christmas, and all through the land, several creatures were stirring - they were all in a band
Of lawyers and writers, and bitter old men, All talking and yelling. (They made quite a din.)
They don't like the season, they don't like its name, And with no other reason, their courses they came.
More rapid than eagles, to my house they came creeping And settled outside, with their cell phones a-beeping.
Inside, we'd hung stockings by the chimney with care, In hopes we could forget all the troubles out there.
The kitchen was filled with the smells of desserts With no spiders crawling up the Christmas tree skirts.
And I in my thick coat, the others also wrapped Were opening the front door, about to fall in their trap.
When what to our wondering eyes should appear, But a squadron of secularists, with cell phones and sneers.
With an ugly old leader, so weaselly and quick, I knew in a moment he was up to old tricks.
The beard of his chin was all pointy and gray, He patted his briefcase, and then he did say:
"Now hearken, ye celebrants, and pay me your heed - "Where d'ya think you are going?" he went on with screed.
"Evening church service," I said, "and to sing later on. "Now please let us pass. You are crowding the lawn."
With a narrowing of eyes, and a shaking of head, He then let me know I had something to dread.
"Your church is for losers, you intolerant bigot. "Make way for our lawsuits. We've opened the spigot.
"We're suing courthouses and we're suing your church." He went into his litany; I went into a lurch.
"Your Nativity and symbols we will demonstrate "Are crossing the 'wall between church and the state.'
"All of public property is government-made, "Don't use it for 'Christmas.' Don't march in our parade.
"You must be more tolerant; all religions have wealth, except of course, yours - you'll keep that to yourself.
"Now go back inside for your long winter's nap. "Do your 'Christmas' thing privately, while we do our crap.
"You have tried to laugh at us, you've tried to ignore. "Said we're just on TV - now we're at your front door!
"We don't like your 'Christmas' and we don't like your faith. "How do you like that?" Then he smirked like a wraith.
A smart-mouthed retort I bit back with a flash. 'Cause his sneering head I so wanted to smash.
I spoke not a word, but my brain went to work, And I tried to ignore terms like "you moron" and "jerk."
Then as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly - When you're met with an obstacle, pray toward the sky.
And then, like the moon on the new-fallen snow, My heart shone with old truths that I used to know.
"In the beginning, our God did create, "He's Creator and Savior - yes, something you hate.
"We all have sin natures, and that's why He came, "To save us from darkness, from sin and its shame.
"He was born in a manger, in Bethlehem town." (At this point the lawyer man's smirk turned to frown.)
"We celebrate Christmas because of that birth." Then he snickered once more; I was causing him mirth.
I continued to tell him, "This season's for all. "If you say we don't count, you've considerable gall.
"You may call me intolerant, but all you are fools - "That is what the Bible says. And you've got no rules!
"Your 'principles' are simply moral relativism, "And you're ripping this nation apart with that schism.
"You act like you treasure our country so dear; "It was founded by Christians. Put that in your sneer.
"And this 'separation' thing with which you have fun - "It's from a letter by Jefferson in 1801!
"And he never meant for you to use it like this. "Tom Jefferson endorsed God; that's something you miss.
"And you've kept on establishing your own state religion "Of Godless humanism - you're driving its engine!
"If you can show your faith, then I'll show mine too. "(I'd be glad now to tell you about which one is true.)
"With your logic in shambles, how will you argue? "And who's really 'bigoted,' when you'll only sue?"
He glared at me fiercely; his blood pressure rose. His quivering fist almost shot up to my nose.
I laughed as I watched him, in spite of my dread, Then I told him some more truths that needed be said.
"This story's original, but the battle is old, "I won't say clichés like 'your heart's really gold.'
"And I don't think I'll tell you I know your good soul "Because inside I fear it is dark as the coal.
"And I won't say you're this way 'cause when you were eight, "You never got presents. That's really clichéd!
"Now get off my lawn, you winter poltergeist. "This season's not about you - it's love, peace, and Christ."
Then I heard them scream out as they skulked out of sight, "We'll be back here next year, and continue this fight!"
Then I shook my head, smiling, and sighed out a fog. "I hope you'll soon see that I'm right and you're wrong.
"While you're plotting and assembling all your legal might - "Merry Christmas to you all ... and I hope you find Light." ----
Bump for later
Bravo! Well done.
That was cool! Great way to start off my day. Thanks for posting it!
I am constantly surprised by the Kentucky Kernel. It looks like they have an exceptional editorial board for a college campus. Makes me proud to be an alum.
Anti-idiotorian PING ;o)
I'm not much of a "turn the other cheek" Christian. I would have simply told them to leave and then gotten my gun.
Hey, thanks for the ping.
A funny, but sad reality to what has happened to Christmas with PC.
The two letters from the complaining sophomores (I think it was either yesterday or Monday) made me question what some people are learning here.
"what has happened to Christmas with PC"
LOL! Great work, and thanks. I have not been following the Kernel, but if this is the kind of work you have up there, I'll be sure to go check out the columns later.
I have to admit, it's usually good only when this guy writes for it. But I must confess a slight bias......
I like your signature! *Chuckles*
Thank you for identifying yourself as the author of this great poem.
I have not ever read "The Kernel", I just read this poem posted by DaveLoneRanger.
Good job Dr. Ransom
I think you will really like this.
Did you write this? Wow, you are extremely talented. I too am a sometimes poet and published writer. Fantastic!
We children were snuggled up in our bunk beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced in our heads.
And Mum in her nightie and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports
When outside the batch such a hoo-ha arose,
I woke up at once from my wonderful doze.
I ran straight to the sliding door, looking about,
Jumped out on the deck and let out a shout!
The fairy lights Dad had strung up around the door
Let me see everything down to the shore.
And what did I see, when I took a peep?
But a miniature tractor and eight tiny sheep.
With a little old driver, his dog on his knee.
I knew at once who this joker might be.
He patted his dog and in a voice not unkind,
Cried "Good on ya, boy! Now, GIT IN BEHIND!"
"Now,Flossy! now,Fluffy! Now Sean and Shane!"
"On, Bossy! On, Buffy! On, Jason and Wayne!"
"Up that red tree, to the top of the batch!"
"But mind you don't trample that vegetable patch."
So up on the roof those sheep quickly flew,
With the tractor of toys, Santa and his dog too.
As my sister awoke and I turned around,
In through the window he came with a bound.
He wore a black singlet and little white shorts,
And stuck on his feet were gumboots of course.
A sackful of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a postie just opening his pack.
His eyes-bright as paua shell - oh,how they twinkled!
Like an old tuatara, his skin was all wrinkled!
He had a wide face and a round, fat tummy,
That looked like he'd eaten lots that was yummy.
He spoke not a word, but got down on one knee,
And placed a cricket set under the tree,
A present for Sis, one for Dad, one for Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and held up his thumb.
He jumped on his tractor, to his dog gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, as fast as a missile.
I called out "Thanks," as he flew past the gate.
He called back: "Kia ora to all and good on ya,mate!"
That's cute Shaggy. Hope all's well with you and Merry Christmas!
,,, and a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too Potlatch!
That poem truly brings Marmite to my eyes....
....which happens when I eat while I'm typing....but the poem is really cute, too !
Merriest of real Christmases to you'n 's.
To you and your family (((((Shaggy))))))
Thank you for sharing this.
,,, have a great Christmas y'all and all the best for 2005!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, too!
God Bless, (((((Shaggy)))))
Why does Bush hate Christmas?
Bush's handlers did a nice job of selecting an Old Testament verse with the thought of including fundamentalists of all stripes. Psalms 95:2 seems more appropriate for Thanksgiving than for Christmas, but they fooled you and numerous other Republican religionists nonetheless.
Somehow I get the impression you don't love and/or know too many people of faith.
Always good to get the down under perspective Shaggy, Thanks
,,, have a great Christmas and all the best for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2005!
Christmas 2005 bump!!