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The Fortnight Before Christmas - a poem against anti-Christmas nuts
Kentucky Kernel ^ | 12/7/04 | Stephen Burnett

Posted on 12/07/2004 7:51:14 AM PST by DaveLoneRanger

'Twas a fortnight before Christmas, and all through the land, several creatures were stirring - they were all in a band

Of lawyers and writers, and bitter old men, All talking and yelling. (They made quite a din.)

They don't like the season, they don't like its name, And with no other reason, their courses they came.

More rapid than eagles, to my house they came creeping And settled outside, with their cell phones a-beeping.

Inside, we'd hung stockings by the chimney with care, In hopes we could forget all the troubles out there.

The kitchen was filled with the smells of desserts With no spiders crawling up the Christmas tree skirts.

And I in my thick coat, the others also wrapped Were opening the front door, about to fall in their trap.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear, But a squadron of secularists, with cell phones and sneers.

With an ugly old leader, so weaselly and quick, I knew in a moment he was up to old tricks.

The beard of his chin was all pointy and gray, He patted his briefcase, and then he did say:

"Now hearken, ye celebrants, and pay me your heed - "Where d'ya think you are going?" he went on with screed.

"Evening church service," I said, "and to sing later on. "Now please let us pass. You are crowding the lawn."

With a narrowing of eyes, and a shaking of head, He then let me know I had something to dread.

"Your church is for losers, you intolerant bigot. "Make way for our lawsuits. We've opened the spigot.

"We're suing courthouses and we're suing your church." He went into his litany; I went into a lurch.

"Your Nativity and symbols we will demonstrate "Are crossing the 'wall between church and the state.'

"All of public property is government-made, "Don't use it for 'Christmas.' Don't march in our parade.

"You must be more tolerant; all religions have wealth, except of course, yours - you'll keep that to yourself.

"Now go back inside for your long winter's nap. "Do your 'Christmas' thing privately, while we do our crap.

"You have tried to laugh at us, you've tried to ignore. "Said we're just on TV - now we're at your front door!

"We don't like your 'Christmas' and we don't like your faith. "How do you like that?" Then he smirked like a wraith.

A smart-mouthed retort I bit back with a flash. 'Cause his sneering head I so wanted to smash.

I spoke not a word, but my brain went to work, And I tried to ignore terms like "you moron" and "jerk."

Then as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly - When you're met with an obstacle, pray toward the sky.

And then, like the moon on the new-fallen snow, My heart shone with old truths that I used to know.

"In the beginning, our God did create, "He's Creator and Savior - yes, something you hate.

"We all have sin natures, and that's why He came, "To save us from darkness, from sin and its shame.

"He was born in a manger, in Bethlehem town." (At this point the lawyer man's smirk turned to frown.)

"We celebrate Christmas because of that birth." Then he snickered once more; I was causing him mirth.

I continued to tell him, "This season's for all. "If you say we don't count, you've considerable gall.

"You may call me intolerant, but all you are fools - "That is what the Bible says. And you've got no rules!

"Your 'principles' are simply moral relativism, "And you're ripping this nation apart with that schism.

"You act like you treasure our country so dear; "It was founded by Christians. Put that in your sneer.

"And this 'separation' thing with which you have fun - "It's from a letter by Jefferson in 1801!

"And he never meant for you to use it like this. "Tom Jefferson endorsed God; that's something you miss.

"And you've kept on establishing your own state religion "Of Godless humanism - you're driving its engine!

"If you can show your faith, then I'll show mine too. "(I'd be glad now to tell you about which one is true.)

"With your logic in shambles, how will you argue? "And who's really 'bigoted,' when you'll only sue?"

He glared at me fiercely; his blood pressure rose. His quivering fist almost shot up to my nose.

I laughed as I watched him, in spite of my dread, Then I told him some more truths that needed be said.

"This story's original, but the battle is old, "I won't say clichés like 'your heart's really gold.'

"And I don't think I'll tell you I know your good soul "Because inside I fear it is dark as the coal.

"And I won't say you're this way 'cause when you were eight, "You never got presents. That's really clichéd!

"Now get off my lawn, you winter poltergeist. "This season's not about you - it's love, peace, and Christ."

Then I heard them scream out as they skulked out of sight, "We'll be back here next year, and continue this fight!"

Then I shook my head, smiling, and sighed out a fog. "I hope you'll soon see that I'm right and you're wrong.

"While you're plotting and assembling all your legal might - "Merry Christmas to you all ... and I hope you find Light." ----

Lovely!


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: antichristmas; christmas; kykernel; stephenburnett

1 posted on 12/07/2004 7:51:14 AM PST by DaveLoneRanger
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Bump for later


2 posted on 12/07/2004 7:56:14 AM PST by jboot (Faith is not a work)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Bravo! Well done.


3 posted on 12/07/2004 8:03:31 AM PST by JOAT
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To: DaveLoneRanger

That was cool! Great way to start off my day. Thanks for posting it!


4 posted on 12/07/2004 8:05:22 AM PST by derllak
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To: DaveLoneRanger

I am constantly surprised by the Kentucky Kernel. It looks like they have an exceptional editorial board for a college campus. Makes me proud to be an alum.


5 posted on 12/07/2004 8:08:06 AM PST by MKM1960
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To: jan in Colorado

Anti-idiotorian PING ;o)


6 posted on 12/07/2004 8:10:53 AM PST by USF (I see your Jihad and raise you a Crusade )
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To: DaveLoneRanger

I'm not much of a "turn the other cheek" Christian. I would have simply told them to leave and then gotten my gun.


7 posted on 12/07/2004 8:17:37 AM PST by Blood of Tyrants (God is not a Republican. But Satan is definitely a Democrat.)
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To: derllak
Hey, thanks for replies, all.

Actually the Kernel edit board frequently endorses Liberals. But the daily columns are wonderfully independent and diverse -- the Opinions page is very balanced.

What was your major at UK and when, derllak?

Column archive available at www.comvein.net/columns/index.htm.

Com off!

- Dr. Ransom

8 posted on 12/07/2004 9:07:21 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: USF

Hey, thanks for the ping.

A funny, but sad reality to what has happened to Christmas with PC.


9 posted on 12/07/2004 10:25:58 AM PST by jan in Colorado
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To: DoctorRansom

The two letters from the complaining sophomores (I think it was either yesterday or Monday) made me question what some people are learning here.


10 posted on 12/07/2004 10:28:28 AM PST by LanPB01
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To: USF; jan in Colorado
Hello once more.

"what has happened to Christmas with PC"

Not just PC, I would add, USF; mostly Christophobic legal militantism!

Jan, those two letters were insane, were they not? They were in response to Josh Sullivan's kick-butt column on Friday, Dec. 3, regarding "embedded reporters" engendering embittered troops.

Great to know folks are reading the Kernel. I'm curious as to how you get it -- do you keep up on the website or do you live within the distribution area?

Com off,

- Dr. Ransom
www.ComVein.net

11 posted on 12/07/2004 11:02:44 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: All
FYI,

DoctorRansom = Stephen Burnett, author!

Over and out again,
- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

12 posted on 12/07/2004 11:14:10 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: DoctorRansom
Christophobic legal militantism!

LOL! Great work, and thanks. I have not been following the Kernel, but if this is the kind of work you have up there, I'll be sure to go check out the columns later.

13 posted on 12/07/2004 11:29:53 AM PST by USF (I see your Jihad and raise you a Crusade )
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To: USF

I have to admit, it's usually good only when this guy writes for it. But I must confess a slight bias......

I like your signature! *Chuckles*


14 posted on 12/07/2004 12:09:58 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger (Knight of Gondor)
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To: USF; DaveLoneRanger
You can't get more un-P.C. than by putting "jihad" and "Crusade" in the same sentence. Note that only Crusade is capitalized. Heh, heh, heh.

Hello, Knight!

- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

15 posted on 12/07/2004 12:32:21 PM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: DoctorRansom
That's pretty good, Doc; I just violated your copyright all to hell in sending it out via E-Mail to a bunch of friends and family members! Before Wed. it'll be all over the internet!

Chris...*OOPS*... HOLIDAY salutation of the Liberal;

*BAH*!!!; HUMBUG!!!"

16 posted on 12/07/2004 5:44:13 PM PST by Uncle Jaque (Vigilance!)
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To: DoctorRansom

Thank you for identifying yourself as the author of this great poem.

I have not ever read "The Kernel", I just read this poem posted by DaveLoneRanger.


Good job Dr. Ransom


17 posted on 12/07/2004 5:46:22 PM PST by jan in Colorado (Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas...anyone offended?)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

ping


18 posted on 12/07/2004 5:49:29 PM PST by Angry Republican (yvan eht nioj!)
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To: Boazo

I think you will really like this.


19 posted on 12/07/2004 9:23:41 PM PST by jan in Colorado (Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas...anyone offended?)
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To: jan in Colorado
Of course, Jan ... I had meant to address LanPB01 who had referred to two letters published in the Kernel Monday. Note to self: names of posters are below the message text, not above.

Over and out,

- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

20 posted on 12/08/2004 8:45:40 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: Uncle Jaque
Unca Jaque,

Tell 'em to go to www.ComVein.net and look it up there, all right? It's formatted better anyway.

Direct link: www.ComVein.net/columns/index.htm.

BTW, I think Maureen Dowd needs to read this. I'm certain this poor Scrooge-woman has already been discussed somewhere, but judging from previous work, the woman is miserable.

I'm with Rush -- I want to reach out, lighten the load, spread the Christmas cheer. But I'm unsure how.

Com off,

- Dr. Ransom
www.ComVein.net

21 posted on 12/08/2004 8:51:55 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: DoctorRansom

Did you write this? Wow, you are extremely talented. I too am a sometimes poet and published writer. Fantastic!


22 posted on 12/11/2004 4:35:29 PM PST by InHisService
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To: DaveLoneRanger; randog; concordKIWI; blackie; dansangel; ErnBatavia; AMNZ; Billie; rintense; ...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all round the batch
Not a possum was stirring; not one could we catch.
We'd left on the table a meat pie and beer,
In hopes that Santa soon would be there.

We children were snuggled up in our bunk beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced in our heads.
And Mum in her nightie and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports
When outside the batch such a hoo-ha arose,
I woke up at once from my wonderful doze.
I ran straight to the sliding door, looking about,
Jumped out on the deck and let out a shout!

The fairy lights Dad had strung up around the door
Let me see everything down to the shore.
And what did I see, when I took a peep?
But a miniature tractor and eight tiny sheep.
With a little old driver, his dog on his knee.
I knew at once who this joker might be.

He patted his dog and in a voice not unkind,
Cried "Good on ya, boy! Now, GIT IN BEHIND!"
"Now,Flossy! now,Fluffy! Now Sean and Shane!"
"On, Bossy! On, Buffy! On, Jason and Wayne!"
"Up that red tree, to the top of the batch!"
"But mind you don't trample that vegetable patch."

So up on the roof those sheep quickly flew,
With the tractor of toys, Santa and his dog too.
As my sister awoke and I turned around,
In through the window he came with a bound.

He wore a black singlet and little white shorts,
And stuck on his feet were gumboots of course.
A sackful of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a postie just opening his pack.
His eyes-bright as paua shell - oh,how they twinkled!
Like an old tuatara, his skin was all wrinkled!

He had a wide face and a round, fat tummy,
That looked like he'd eaten lots that was yummy.
He spoke not a word, but got down on one knee,
And placed a cricket set under the tree,
A present for Sis, one for Dad, one for Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and held up his thumb.

He jumped on his tractor, to his dog gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, as fast as a missile.
I called out "Thanks," as he flew past the gate.
He called back: "Kia ora to all and good on ya,mate!"

23 posted on 12/12/2004 7:20:31 PM PST by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel

That's cute Shaggy. Hope all's well with you and Merry Christmas!


24 posted on 12/12/2004 7:39:03 PM PST by potlatch (Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.)
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To: potlatch

,,, and a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too Potlatch!


25 posted on 12/12/2004 7:42:47 PM PST by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel

That poem truly brings Marmite to my eyes....

....which happens when I eat while I'm typing....but the poem is really cute, too !

Merriest of real Christmases to you'n 's.


26 posted on 12/12/2004 8:47:18 PM PST by PoorMuttly ("The right of the People to be Muttly shall not be infringed,")
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To: shaggy eel
"Kia ora to all and good on ya,mate!"

To you and your family (((((Shaggy))))))

Thank you for sharing this.

27 posted on 12/13/2004 5:26:50 AM PST by dansangel (Thank you Veterans past and present!)
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To: shaggy eel

Merry Christmas!!


28 posted on 12/13/2004 7:48:43 AM PST by blackie (Be Well~Be Armed~Be Safe~Molon Labe!)
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To: PoorMuttly; dansangel; blackie

,,, have a great Christmas y'all and all the best for 2005!


29 posted on 12/13/2004 12:00:00 PM PST by shaggy eel
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Great!!!!


30 posted on 12/13/2004 12:02:02 PM PST by ZULU (Fear the government which fears your guns. God, guts, and guns made America great.)
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To: shaggy eel

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, too!


31 posted on 12/13/2004 12:07:14 PM PST by blackie (Be Well~Be Armed~Be Safe~Molon Labe!)
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To: Blood of Tyrants
The Fortnight Before Christmas - a poem against anti-Christmas Evolutionist Animals!

/sarcasm

32 posted on 12/13/2004 12:10:07 PM PST by maestro
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To: shaggy eel

God Bless, (((((Shaggy)))))


33 posted on 12/13/2004 12:53:42 PM PST by dansangel (Thank you Veterans past and present!)
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To: DaveLoneRanger
"Good morning and happy holidays to you all." -- George W. Bush, Commander-in-Chief in the War Against Christmas, December 20, 2004

Why does Bush hate Christmas?

34 posted on 12/20/2004 12:23:54 PM PST by MurryMom
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To: MurryMom
Why does Bush hate Christmas

Do you want to rethink that comment? "About 2 million friends and supporters of President Bush found something in their mailboxes this month that no other president has offered: A holiday card with a Bible verse. This card has a line from Psalms, 95:2: "Let us come before him with Thanksgiving and extol him with music and song." Presidents have been sending season's greetings since Calvin Coolidge wrote "Merry Christmas" on White House stationery in 1927. And many presidents issued proclamations about faith-related events varying from the National Day of Prayer to Ramadan. But this administration is the first to include Scripture in the annual card, said Mary Evans Seeley, author of "Season's Greetings From the White House: The Collection of Presidential Christmas Cards, Messages and Gifts." Seeley and her husband have a complete collection of the presidential holiday cards. First lady Laura Bush supervises the card selection. She picked cards with Bible verses when her husband was governor and has continued to do so in the White House. This year's illustration is a painting of the Red Room of the White House by Cindi Holt, a Fort Worth, Texas, artist . The Republican National Committee paid for production and distribution. Only one previous president included an explicitly religious element in a card. In 1963, President Kennedy's card featured a photo of a creche set up in the East Room of the White House. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, had signed 30 cards before their final trip to Dallas. None was ever mailed."
35 posted on 12/20/2004 8:10:51 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger (Knight of Gondor)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Bush's handlers did a nice job of selecting an Old Testament verse with the thought of including fundamentalists of all stripes. Psalms 95:2 seems more appropriate for Thanksgiving than for Christmas, but they fooled you and numerous other Republican religionists nonetheless.


36 posted on 12/21/2004 5:57:54 AM PST by MurryMom
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To: MurryMom

Somehow I get the impression you don't love and/or know too many people of faith.


37 posted on 12/21/2004 5:59:31 AM PST by mewzilla
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To: shaggy eel

Always good to get the down under perspective Shaggy, Thanks


38 posted on 12/22/2004 6:25:48 PM PST by AMNZ
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To: AMNZ

,,, have a great Christmas and all the best for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2005!


39 posted on 12/22/2004 7:01:50 PM PST by shaggy eel
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Christmas 2005 bump!!


40 posted on 12/24/2005 8:10:02 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger (**THE FCC HAS EDITED THIS TAGLINE FOR CONTENT** M-rry Chr-stm-s!!)
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