I'm paralyzed by the god-awfulness!
Great job!
Did you hear that Sesame Street got a new bus driver? Well, they did. On
her first day as the Sesame Street bus driver, the previous bus driver went
along to show her the route. Now, it happens that this was probably not
necessary, since the route was quite short - only two stops.
On the first stop, a VERY large lady came out to meet the bus with her small
child in tow. "HI", she said, is a booming voice. "My name's Patty, and
this here's my special son, Ross. He's a very special kid, and I want you
to treat him well!" The new bus driver greeted them both. Patty sat in the
back of the bus with her son.
On the second (and final) stop, the bus driver was again approached by a
VERY large lady with a small child in tow. "HI", she said, in a similarly
booming voice. "My name's Patty . . . Patty Cheeks! And this here's my
son Lawrence!" "Well", replied the bus driver, "it's very good to meet you
both. There's another Patty in the back of the bus that perhaps you'd like
to sit with, Patty. Lawrence, you may sit anywhere you like." Patty went
to the back of the bus with the other Patty, and Lawrence chose a seat in
the front.
About halfway to Sesame Street, Lawrence all of a sudden ripped off both
shoes and socks, and began frantically scratching and picking at his feet.
"Why, what's wrong, Lawrence?", the bus driver asked. Lawrence replied,
"It's these stupid bunions - I've had 'em for weeks, and nothing seems to
help. They're driving me crazy!" The bus driver sympathized, but, having
never had them herself, could be of no help.
When they finally arrived at Sesame Street, they were stopped by the Sesame
Street guard at the gate. "Who are you", the guard asked. "I'm the new
Sesame Street bus driver", the bus driver replied. "Oh, I see", replied
the guard. "Who have you got in here?", he asked, peering into the bus at
the occupants. "Well", answered the bus driver,
"I've got two obese Pattys, special Ross, Lawrence Cheeks picking
bunions on a Sesame Street bus."
A boy named Arthur strangled two old ladies in the produce department as they struggle for some money they saw on the floor:
Arty chokes two for a dollar at the grocery store.