40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor) - a British response.

[FreedomCalls]

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.

Who then leave school for home, go to the shopping center, kidnap a two-year old from his Mum, sodomize him, and throw bricks into his skull until he is dead, then leave him on the railrod tracks until a train comes along (Jaime Bulger). The killers then walk away scott-free under a "criminal protection program" (Venables and Thompson) when they turn 18.

I prefer calling the police before a child is harmed, rather thatn having them clean up the mess afterward.

[BJClinton]

I agree with a great deal of what you said. I must take exception to the following:

20. We are not all obese.

If all I had was British "cuisine" I would decline eating as much as possibleas well.

33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders

Oh, we realise there is more out there, we just don't give a damn.

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie

See my first response.

39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.

Aren't British public schools kinda famous for that?

48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.

Hardly. And with our football the violence stays on the field, not in the stands.

51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou

No, you call them Royalty.

65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly

And it lacked a second person plural so we Texans invented "y'all"

[deaconjim]

Allow me to comment on just a few points:

1. Michael Moore

Prince Charles

2. You don't have any custard

I can live with that.

3. You invented McDonalds

You're welcome.

4, Our military are peacemakers.

They almost made peace with Hitler, too.

9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break

We don't have to buy a license for our TV's, though.

12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.

We learned that lesson from experience.

14. Did I mention Michael Moore?

Dudley Moore

15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do.

You shouldn't.

18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.

We can put your cars in the back of ours and still have room for luggage.

19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox

We were intelligent enough to invent the manual gearbox, and the automatic one, as well.

22. We are a net exporter of oil

And citizens.

26. We have a prettier flag than you.

That was quite important when we hauled them down and replaced them with ours.

27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.

Did you forget Greece? We perfected it, and defended yours.

28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.

Explain Camilla.

29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.

Our left wing stink holes are limited to small parts of the country, rather than the whole thing.

30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.

I really enjoyed Patriot.

31. We don't eat raw corn.

We don't eat Spotted Dick.

32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries

You just recycle it.

33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.

And most of them want to move there.

34. I live here.

I'm O.K. with that.

35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.

Are they capable of winning one?

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.

I'm o.k. with that, too.

37. Our students study geography

Looking for a way out?

42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

But you do deny them healthcare because they die waiting for it.

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1300742/posts

47. Michael Moore anybody?

Elton John

54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.

If you had the second amendment, you would have the first.

56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.

Nobody would believe you if you did. Wait a minute, did you have any?

57. You elected Bill Clinton.

You educated him.

58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)

I'll give you that one.

60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.

And how many of them are in service today?

62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.

Wouldn't want people to see you lose?

63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.

64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.

As in your previous comment?

66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.

Once again, refer to comment 63

68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.

What is the annual revenue generated from the sport of cricket?

69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.

A wise decision. It has been often said that it is better to keep silent and let people think you are stupid than to open your mouth and confirm it.

70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.

Have I mentioned Prince Charles?

[investigateworld]

(You chaps could at least mail VIZ magazine in a plain brown wrapper.... not that I read it...well just the Fat Slags part)

[oprahstheantichrist]

"I'll give the Brits benefit of the doubt due in large part to...
Winston Churchill
Margaret Thatcher
The Beatles
J.R.R. Tolkien
and, of course, Monty Python "


Forgot C.S. Lewis

[50sDad]

I have to differ...the Indians did not "kick their butts out." The Indians excercised passive resistance so that the Brits got tired of beating, kicking, and killing the defenseless, and went home.

[50sDad]

There was an old story going around, a retool of an even older joke.

It seems W and the head of CAIR met at a public function, and the head of that Arab organization was looking for a way to poke fun at America's slighting of Arab culture.

"Mr. President, I was watching TV in my hotel room, and came across reruns of "Star Trek". I had to notice that in this supposedly diverse ships crew, with women, blacks, orientals and even Jews, there was not one Muslim! How can you explain that?!"

Bush takes a long pause, turns and smiles. "Well," he drawled, "you have remember...Star Trek is set in the future!"

[Bombay Bloke]

"You are an insulting pig"

Hmmm. Seems like some people here have got a major sense of humour failure. Let's see if I can get this straight? This list was posted in response to a list of American digs at the British which, I have no doubt, was meant in affectionate spirit. But when someone gives you some affectionate teasing in return, you call them a pig?

Please take it in the brotherly spirit with which it was intended.

[nopardons]

I've read a lot of this thread and noticed that nobody had yet answered #43;so I shall.

No,you call them gits,twits,wankers,and a lot of other names.

I bet I make better Yorkshire Pudding than you do,or anyone you know.

And whilst I love to go to England and the English people I know are lovely,every nation has it's idiots and your wee English village has you.

[beaversmom]

Great retorts! I loved it.

[Cool11]

Ya all that, and your country is smaller than most of our 50 states.