Don't mess with the flashlights!
Posted on 01/06/2005 4:35:27 AM PST by Jet Jaguar
DETROIT (AP) - The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year.
The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."
The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used."
A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
This year's contest coincides with a drive by President Bush and congressional Republicans to put caps and other limits on jury awards in liability cases.
"Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," said group President Robert Dorigo Jones. "From the moment we raise our head in the morning off pillows that bear those famous Do Not Remove warnings, to when we drop back in bed at night, we are overwhelmed with warnings."
The leader of a group that opposes the campaign to limit lawsuits admits that while some warning labels may seem stupid, even dumb warnings can do good.
"There are many cases of warning labels saving lives," said Joanne Doroshow, executive director of the Center for Justice and Democracy in New York. "It's much better to be very cautious ... than to be afraid of being made fun of by a tort reform group."
The Wacky Warning Label Contest is in its eighth year.
---
On the Net:
Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch: http://www.mlaw.org
Don't mess with the flashlights!
When I read those wacky warnings I like to try and imagine what stupid act by some stupid person lead up to them. I always wonder about the person who fell asleep using her hairdryer, probably set her hair on fire, hence, admonitions to us all.
As I say about the ridiculous packaging on food and medicine one must fight their way through all the time now "One psychopath killed 6 people by poisoning Tylenol, and the rest of us have to pay for it, for the rest of our lives."
"Smith, we're going to need a re-write of that warning on the Tempmaster 2000... the diversity team says it's hate speech."
About a hundred dollars...
Ahnyong ha sayo .... The map on your home page ... is that industrial output or blue voter population?
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Blue and red voter population density.
Subject: Happy Fun Ball
(kids)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!
(announcer)
Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Get one Today
(background voice)
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
(announcer)
Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
Your mileage may vary
A "toy Yoda" is not to be confused
with a Toyota.
That is good.
Dave Schmit? Is that you?
I am having trouble with the simple Thank You.
On the box is a picture of the bag with some logs in it; at the bottom of this 8 by 5 by 2 box is "LOGS NOT INCLUDED"
My 8yr old son and I were rolling around the floor at Lowes laughing our heads off.
Use of this product is forbidden to anyone who doesn't take individual responsibility for his own actions.
A label I'd like to see......
I once wrote a installation guide for one of our products. It was fairly detailed and I managed to keep it to one legal sized sheet of paper at 11 point type. Then the company attorney got a hold of it. I think the final was 3 1/2 pages of 9 point type.
Thankfully, the product was never produced.
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Please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it
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that's right
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change your life
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Follow these easy assembly instructions
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