It's a Matter of Parenting: The Twixters

GOPUSA ^ | January 18, 2005 | Kay R. Daly

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

During this week's inaugural celebration, it is possible to bask in the warm glow of Republicans, pleased with their victory and determined to push the agenda forward in the second Bush term. There is much work to be done. In fact, there some arenas, in which liberals have made tremendous strides without Republicans taking too much notice.

This week's Time magazine cover story (website), for instance, chronicles the rise of "the Twixters", a new sociological category to describe those 18 to 29 year olds who are essentially putting off the responsibility of adulthood. It is not simply that these young people are not getting married anymore at age 21 and having children at age 22. They are taking far more time to complete college and even if they do complete undergraduate or even graduate degrees, they hang out at Mom and Dad's house for years while sampling a variety of jobs.

Because most of the essentials such as food, rent, electricity, etc. are paid for by the parents, these kids use their limited income for discretionary spending. A flat screen television, it seems, takes priority over getting an apartment and growing up. Besides, I'll bet Mom does a great load of laundry and makes a mean lasagna.

Apparently years of instant gratification, whether through the endless barrage of video games or parents wracked by guilt over divorce or time-consuming careers, has now taken its toll on this generation of children in more ways than one. And while conservatives weren't watching, the liberals have almost completely dominated child-rearing philosophies today. Many conservative parents who can beautifully articulate the most intricate conservative philosophy are almost completely blind to the liberal claptrap that has infected their child-rearing practices. Both parents and their children are paying quite a price for it now.

For example, according to the Time magazine piece, there are twice as many young people 18-29 living at home than in the 1970s. About 23% polled say they were 24 years old or older when they finished college. One-quarter of those polled have lived in more than three places in the past five years and close to half claim to have had two, three or even six or more jobs in the past three years.

Reading the "Time" article, all kinds of external excuses are given for the Twixter's Peter Pan syndrome. From an unfriendly job market, to declining wages for devalued college degrees, to massive college debt, it is a cold, cruel world for these poor put-upon souls.

There are actually some interesting suggestions as a post-script article to the main piece, such as stop indulging the little darlings and actually talk with your children about the future and their career aspirations beyond permanent college student status. But then the suggestions return to the standard liberal notion that "tough love" generally won't work and may harm their delicate psyches.

Wrong answer, try again.

It is way past time for these parents to grow up themselves and take control of their own households. As my mother used to say, "So long as your boots are under my table, you will live under my rules." Some of these children are calling the shots at home and so there won't be a fuss, the parents foolishly acquiesce. This starts, by the way, from the time a parent holds their newborn child until the parents are lowered into their graves. Every whim, every temper tantrum, every tiny desire is indulged, smoothed over and soothed to the point that children have absolutely no coping skills for the trials of life whatsoever.

Even the simplest rules make all the difference in the world. Here are some examples:

• Sleeping through the night. Rather than running to them with a bottle or a breast every time they whimper, get to know what their cries mean. Are they too warm, too cold, gassy, getting sick, wrapped too tightly in a blanket, enveloped in a dirty diaper, teething or bored? What are the actual signs of your child's hunger?

• First-time obey. When Mom or Dad asks their child to do something, there should be no whining, back talk or discussion. Promising consequences after multiple violations of requests give children a sense of inconsistency and they end up disrespecting parental authority. They obey. Preferably with a cheerful "Yes, ma'am" or "yes, sir." Non-negotiable.

• It is the little things that really do matter. Little children should not be allowed to carry around the remote control to the television or the cordless phone. Those are adult privileges. If they like keys, remotes and phones, get them little toy replicas. The real ones are Mom's and Dad's and not for children. Trust me, you'll avoid much heartache by nipping this one in the bud.

• Scheduling is important. Regular schedules give a child comfort because they know what comes next and there is no uncertainly.

• No matter what your socio-economic level, teach your children the value of money. If you believe your child should have a cell phone, have them pay for the bills out of their monthly allowance. If they can't pay for it, cut it off. If your teenager has a car, have them pay for the insurance and the gas out of their monthly allowance. No insurance or gas, then no car. Bus passes are still available these days. As they display competence with basic budgeting, more privileges can be added.

• Make your college student take at least two, preferably four semesters of accounting no matter what their major is. It will be painful (unless they are accounting majors) but they will use this course more than any of the completely useless theoretical garbage they are semi-absorbing in their classes.

These are but a few of the smallest suggestions that could make all the difference in the world in later years. Encouraging responsibility, independence, civility, ambition and a strong sense of values is critical. Young people today seem to be more interested in where the next party is rather than where the next paycheck is coming from.

With parents having children later in life, it is more important than ever that the next generation is raised prepared to take care of their parents. Having children later may have its benefits, but it also means that the parents are not going to be around as long.

The great irony is that kids today should be raised with more of a sense of responsibility rather than less. Merely enduring the death of one's parents requires maturity, much less managing the myriad of financial and legal details that invariably follows. To read the self-indulgent quotes that litter the Time article, it is doubtful that much has been required of these young people in their time on Earth.

There was a time when nearly every male teenager in America went half a world away to fight a world war. Mind you, they had just lived through the Great Depression as well. And usually, they left a fiancé or a new bride at home. No email. No phone calls. Maybe a few letters home several months after they have been penned.

Rather than letting adversity defeat them, it seemed to build character instead. Listening to most teenagers today, it becomes readily apparent that their idea of adversity is owning a cell phone without text messaging.

A word to the wise here. Just about 95% of what is published online and in books on raising children is alarmingly liberal. It is certainly convenient and helpful to the parents and it sounds imminently reasonable. But most of the so-called advice establishes patterns and habits that are nearly unbreakable by the time the worst damage manifests itself in the teenage years.

Instead, curl up with a good book by Dr. James Dobson (web site) for a rare conservative approach to parenting.

Why is this all of this important? Because for all of the high-minded public policy wrangling that goes on, many concerns about the future could be alleviated if only our children could survive the prosperity we lavish upon them. And if that doesn't convince you then just remember that it is your little darlings who will pick out your nursing home for you in your old age. That should keep you awake at night if nothing else does.

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

The best thing my mother did for me was to kick my lazy butt out of her home six-and-a-half years ago. I would recommend such action for those parents who have grown-up children living in their basements. Tell them to get out, find a full-time job, and take some responsibility for themselves!

Besides, what self-respecting woman would want to date some loser who makes a career out of living in his mother's basement when he can damn well make it on his own???

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Thank Heaven FReepers aren't like that!

[crazyhorse691]

I left home at 18 and my parents were so upset that they remodeled the house. My bedroom was divided into a powder room/masterbath and a second bathroom. I was invited to visit anytime, but, had to bring my own sleeping bag. Visits tended to be short.

[Texaggie79]

Besides, what self-respecting woman would want to date some loser who makes a career out of living in his mother's basement when he can damn well make it on his own???

The ones that know I could afford more for them when I had no rent to pay.

[sportutegrl]

Besides, what self-respecting woman would want to date some loser who makes a career out of living in his mother's basement when he can damn well make it on his own???

"The ones that know I could afford more for them when I had no rent to pay."

Do you really think that you had their respect? Your "high maintenance" girlfriends were using you, dear. I dropped a guy immediately when I found out he was still living with Mom and Dad.

[formercalifornian]

When my youngest children were born, I was determined not to keep giving unlimited choices like I had with my older ones: Do you want Corn Flakes or Rice Krispies? Orange juice or milk? But somehow, even though I knew better, I kept giving the choices instead of just setting before them what they should eat. I knew better, but old psychology books have their way of becoming ingrained. They say you need to give choices so you direct the kids into where you want them to go. IF the choice is between two things you want them to eat (or do) then they will think they are deciding when you are. But every parent knows that after twice, the kids catch on and always demand a third, unmentioned choice. Always. Kids aren't stupid, but we parents sure don't learn.

[Liberty Wins]

"The job market IS unfriendly, devalued college degrees ARE commanding declining wages."

Some colleges are committing fraud by encouraging students to sign up for majors that have a diminishing career potential (most of the humanities). It doesn't matter if you have an advanced degree if there is no demand for it.

And there are too many advisors who don't clue the students in about the devastating effect of prerequisite courses. If you don't get the schedule just right, you miss the required course and bingo, you are committed for another year.

A close friend expected to teach music at the elementary level, when she was informed at the end of four years that she lacked several essential courses to qualify for her teaching certificate. She had run out of money at that point and ended up in a clerical job. Still she was lucky, because she hadn't taken on a huge student loan debt.

How do these kids pay back their debts with a minimum wage job?

[tbird5]

"How do these kids pay back their debts with a minimum wage job"?

Exactly. Parents want their kids to go to college and then expect their kids to borrow for 4 to 6 years( 60 percent of students shouldn't even be in college). Then the parents are surprised their child can't get a good paying job to pay off the debt. So they end up back at home, in debt. Parents don't take the responsibility of paying for college and their kids don't take the responsibility of growing up and moving out. Baby Boomer parents are the worst. They reap what they sow.

[Cogadh na Sith]

Whoa....

When I just turned 23, I was a new Lieutenant in a Light Infantry unit on the Korean DMZ with no family at all: Pop had just died and mommy had run off 10 years before.

The Army was my best and only family.

My green family fed and clothed me, gave me warm blankets and occasionally a bed to sleep in. I was an only child, but now I had lots of brothers and sisters, a new daddy with an oak leaf on his hat and I could visit mamasan for a few Won. My Uncle Sugar even gave me a decent allowance!

Yeah, the chores were tough and sometimes I got angry and wanted to 'do my own thing', but I still love 'em!

[LibertarianInExile]

"I dropped a guy immediately when I found out he was still living with Mom and Dad."

I've always felt the real losers in this newly, stupidly named 'twixter' phenomenon were the PARENTS who put up with it. I knew far too many middle-aged moms who'd bitch about their sons or daughters living at home and driving a new car--yet they didn't do a thing about it.

[Squantos]

Well said....... My Daddy was a Proctologist and my Mommy was an Optometrists thus the reason for my shitty outlook on life.......

[xsrdx]

There's too many spoiled people in our society

Parents do their kids a disservice by allowing them to stay home comfortably, past 18 or 19.

If you stay home, it should suck, so that moving out is seen as a positive development. No bigscreens, no playstation 9 hrs a day, no frigging new SUV to drive around while Mom pays your insurance, home by 1100, no parties, and on and on and on.

It's one thing to stay home for a short period to "save money", quite another to make it a lifestyle choice so you can live larger than you've EARNED.

I have zero tolerance for this bs, these kids have NO IDEA how to live within their means, so their parents get to support them until they're 40???

[Let's Roll]

Also related.

When I was a child, nearly all fantasy was directed at children - Disney movies etc. Now the serious fantasy is directed at adults.

30ish co-workers belong to all sorts of fantasy/magic online groups, carry around their Dungeons and Dragons type books, live for the release of the next Harry Potter book or movie (also Lord of the Rings) etc.

I even have a neighbor in his 70s who rhapsodizes about the latest Harry Potter book - of course he also tries to date women 40 years younger too.

Fantasy sports leagues etc.

While an argument could be made that all tv, movies, books are escapist. Most of the stuff that "adults" are into now has crossed over the line. Even the "reality" shows are anything but, yet they are addicted to those too.

This spills over into real life as one of the most addicted to reality tv people I know is still convinced that the DC area snipers were framed and it was really white supremacists etc.

Or maybe most of these fantasy devotees are really liberals?

[MamaTexan]

If you stay home, it should suck, so that moving out is seen as a positive development.

I started working at 15, and the day I brought home my first paycheck was the day I started paying 'rent'.

I know now it was really just a token amount to teach me responsibility. I also paid for my gas, insurance & car.

(DAMN I miss that '69 Mustang)

Anyway, paying for all of that, and making a whopping $1.25 an hour, I still considered myself filthy rich!

We plan on doing the same for our twin daughters, and (baring their attending college) fully expect them to be on their own by the time they turn 20.