Posted on 02/07/2005 2:15:11 PM PST by KidGlock
Why Women Cheat
Expert Reveals Warning Signs
UPDATED: 10:18 am EST February 7, 2005
CLEVELAND -- When you think about cheating spouses, most people think about men, Cleveland television station WEWS reported.
The station reported that the latest trend has more women stepping out on their husbands, and found one story illustrating it.
She was a mother of three who had just celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary.
That night, she told her husband she was going out with her girlfriends. Instead, she went to meet her lover, the station reported.
Mike Lewis is a private investigator at Cleveland's Confidential Investigations Inc.
He has been in the surveillance business for almost a decade. And more husbands are calling him about their cheating wives.
"What they always say, the not knowing is the hardest part. And that's where we come in," Lewis said.
Another woman told her husband she was on a business trip. Instead, she flew to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, the station reported.
"Got 'em kissin," Lewis said.
After watching a video, her husband finally figured out why their marriage was on the rocks.
"Gotta be frustrating because you guys were trying to work it out," Lewis said.
Just how many married women have had sex with other men?
In 1991, researchers asked married women if they had cheated. Ten percent said yes. Compare that to 22 percent of married men who said they had cheated.
In 2002, researchers asked again. That number grew to 15 percent for women, while the percentage of men who cheated stayed the same.
"It's either something they're missing in their relationship, or it's how they're feeling about themselves," said Kathy Dawson, of the Marriage Movement.
Dawson is a relationship coach, the author of "Diagnosis Marriage" and "Cleveland Couples." She helps couples reconnect. Even after infidelity.
"No. 1, if your wife says, 'You don't listen to me.' Oh boy, that's a big signal. Women, No. 1, need is to feel listened to and validated," Dawson said.
A wife starved for attention at home can find herself in the arms of another man. Dawson said when husbands don't make wives feel good about themselves, watch out for the man who does.
"For a man, the most important thing he can do for his wife is to pay attention to her feelings, and listen to her. It doesn't mean he has to agree with everything she says. He just has to prove to her that he heard what she said," Dawson said.
Mike Lewis agrees. In his experience, he found that sometimes a cheating spouse may even let you know what's about to happen.
"Sometimes they do communicate before they cheat. Sometimes they say, 'I'm not getting this. I'm not getting that.' And it falls on deaf ears," Lewis said.
But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person.
"Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price. There's the price of how you feel about yourself. If you have children, if they find out, how are they going to react? Sooner or later they're going to find out," Dawson said.
For the husbands mentioned in this story, the infidelity was too much for the marriage. Both divorced soon after. But cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage.
"It's pretty devastating. Is it a deal killer? No. Are you going to have to work your tail off? Yes. Can you're marriage be stronger? Absolutely," Dawson said.
Was She Ex-Military?
Wow. If that's really how you feel, maybe it's you? Most women have things to say that I'm interested in. It's rare that I find a woman I can't talk to.
So, what do you think about Social Security reform?
:-=).
I just learned that Paganism was founded in Egypt. The world would have been better off if the muzzies would have adopted Paganism instead of their moon god. Maybe ...
I will never give up my search because their is no other alternative in my mind. After three bad ones in a row I took a break from even looking, my risk tolerance has gone up again so I am out there looking a bit more now.
Oh, I can talk to them, sorta like an anthropologist talking to some strange tribe, but it's a chore with most women.
There are any number of women on FR who are genuinly worth talking to, but they don't have any trouble talking to any man.
Most women however, can talk about kids, clothes, movies, pop music, and their feelings, but not history, science, politics, philosophy, real music, art, cars, airplanes, guns, hunting or fishing, gambling, computer games or software, information theory, cutting horses, or anything else of interest.
SO9
Curiousity mainly?
*laughs*
It's the Bridges of Madison County effect. When women cheat it's often glamorized or rationalized. When men cheat, it's because they're pigs.
"...Praying to rocks will get you to nowhere..."
Hmmm....a non sequitur......hallmark of an argument lost.
My prayer is for the Lord to make my enemies ridiculous....and he's answered in spades.
The intellectually unarmed should not enter the battle.
You are great at 'reading in' things.
I don't claim these things are more important than what most women talk about, just that they are the things most men are more interested in talking about.
And a good cutting horse is a lot harder to aquire than a good kid.
So9
Sharper than a serpent's tooth.
I'm gonna tell Margaret you won the Lotto.
So9
This article was not written by a man.
Contraception with the abortion back-up has contributed to our "no-consequences" society.
I'm going to try to address some of your catagories, and let you know how this woman feels about them.
My kids, heck yeah, I have two wonderful adult children, a daughter and son who I absolutely love to talk and brag about. And I'll even throw in conversation about my wonderful son-in-law, who I now consider one of my kids. Actually, most good fathers that I know love to talk about their kids as well.
Clothes, and shopping bore me to tears. Pop music is just another form of music. I love most all types of music. As far as feeling go, I will only talk about mine, as a rule, to ones who share theirs with me.
The other things you mention, I guess you consider "guy things". What about sports? I would rather watch a good football game than a Lifetime movie (although my fiance called me on that one yesterday, I've had the flu, and in my cold medicine induced haze, had a movie on when the Superbowl started). I quickly came out of it, and enjoyed the rest of the game.
I guess I'm trying to figure out, what's your point?
I'm sure there are women who value cutting horses, whatever cutting horses are, just as surely as there are men who prefer their horses under the hood. And nothing, nothing is more valuable than a child.
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