Don't have a cow, man.
OLYMPICS-ISM:
You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
I am the walrus....coo coo cachoo....
This is hilarious. And like all satire, it's only funny if it's true.
"Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons."
LOL, I love the cow thing!
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM:
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like. . . these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
INDIAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You worship them.
JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which cost too much money to care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap east-European country and would never pay the fortune you'd have to ask for your cows' milk. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the European farm-policy is going drive you out of your job.
EASTERN EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You sell the milk (diluted with some water) at a high price to the neighbors or to anyone at the open-air market. If somebody asks for receipt, you charge for a two times higher price, so nobody will request an invoice. For concerned families with small babies you claim that the milk is "bio", though you collect the grass for feeding at the side of the highway and you keep the milk in plastic barrels used previously as containers of dangerous chemicals. Later, your neighbor or anybody from town will steal the cows and will buy their meat for a high price, and if you ask for a receipt, you will be charged for a two times higher price.
FINNISH SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Soon you have to kill one of them because in the Netherlands there is an overproduction of milk and the European Union rules say so. When you do so, you realize that it was not necessary, only the system was too slow in getting you the up-to-date news. From the stress, you get an ulcer in your stomach so you go to a doctor. The doctor realizes that this ulcer is a serious one, so you need an urgent treatment. Therefore, you soon get a call to the local hospital. The call's date is for 3 months later, because there is a queue with more urgent cases. Then your ulcer becomes even more serious because you remember that 40 percent of your income is taken for social tax.
More: http://corry.ws/CorryBook-62.htm
Daveism:
You have two cows. You kill them, and fill your freezer with steaks, ribs, and burgers.
No-one ever invites their neighbors over to drink milk.
Milk is for babies.
Then, because you have a job, when you run out of steak, ribs, and burgers, you simply buy more cows and repeat as necessary.
Sheesh... I figure this thread was stolen from MooooooooveOn.org !!!
Hey... how can I become an illegal alien bovine ???
Oak Hay... just figured out the answer.
I gotta learn how to say "oink" in Spanish, right ??? ;-))