INGREDIENTS
1 pound ground or cubed animal, fresh
various cans of tomato products or fresh tomatoes
several cans of assorted beans
1 can sweet corn
dried chilis or chili sauce
1 large onion, diced
1 or 2 cloves garlic, smashed
little brown sugar or molasses
salt, pepper and fire juice to taste
1 bottle vodka
1 beer
One dollar and one dime.
PREPARATION:
Brown the fresh animal and soften the onions in a spoonful of lard, add the garlic for the last minute then drain.
Add a can of tomato sauce or crushed tomatoes, add two of the cans of beans of your choice. Taste and analyze.
Pour one ounce of vodka and drink it. Now taste the chili again. Better now. Add a pinch of salt.
Now add the prepared dried chilies or chili sauce by eye. However don't touch your eye. Good thing you didn't use the really hot ones since your wife has to eat this too...oh, you did use the really hot ones? Taste. Holy cow, that's too hot! Dilute with another can of tomatoes, try diced this time. That's better. A little more salt.
Now it's kinda thick and acidic with all the tomatoes. Thin with beer, and add a little brown sugar or molasses to take the edge off. Taste. Now we're getting somewhere! But the meat content is looking a little thin.
Brown and drain another pound of animal, add. Good.
At this point, unrestrained creativity usually kicks in even when it probably should have been restrained, since you now have a good tasting pot of chili. Hmm, this time I think I'll give it a Southwest twist with some black beans and corn. Add and taste. More salt, little fresh ground black pepper. Taste again. Taster now on reduced sensitivity.
Pour another ounce of vodka and drink. Taste again. Oh yeah, that's good. I shouldn't mess with it any more.
Teenage son comes in and informs of the unacceptable concept of corn in chili. Spend next hour carefully removing an entire can of corn, one kernel at a time. Wife informs of unacceptability of black beans in chili. Repeat kernel search-and-destroy exercise. Pour several more ounces of vodka, taste frequently. Heck, start eating the corn and black beans.
Now it's fixed, family-friendly and well-seasoned, and your taster is mostly burned out due to heat and capsicum. Who cares? Got er done. Looks a little bean-shy now, add another can of non-black beans. Yeah baby. Final taste: it is chili. Call family downstairs.
Son informs that he has been eating an entire cold, dried pepperoni pizza and isn't hungry. Wife tastes perfectly acceptable chili, even after smothering the blessed gruel in crushed saltine crackers as a sort of control rod, makes scowling face and asks if I am trying to kill her?
Finally, take the dollar and the dime and run to Wendy's for wife's favorite chili. Send teenage son down the street with skateboard. Serve and enjoy.