A traveler was touring Scotland. He stopped in a pub for a drink in a seaside hamlet. Sitting at the bar was local fellow, rather worn looking bloke, a true Scotsman. The two men get to talking and after a few pints the Scotsman says to the traveler:
"Listen here man... you see this bar here?" he slaps his palm on the bar, "I built this bar with me own two hands. I planed it and sanded it myself, stained it with my own sweat and blood. See how even and just it is? Have you ever seen a nicer bar? But do the people here call me McGregor the bar builder? Noooo....
"Now look outside. See that stone wall there? See how flat the top is and how straight it runs? I built that wall with my own two hands. I carried and set every stone meself. But do they call me McGregor the mason? Nooo!
"And out there in the water... you see that pier? I built that pier too, with my own hands. In all the winter storms, year in and year out, that pier never budges! I made that pier with my own sweat and blood. But do they call me McGregor the pier builder? Nooo."
Then the Scotsman takes a sip of beer and says in a low voice "but you @#^# one sheep . . ."
Here's one:
A preacher decided he wanted to put an end to all the sinning and corruption in his church, so from the pulpit, he called out for the testimony! One man near the back stood up and said: "Preacher, I've been drinking, I've been spending all my money on alcohol and letting my family do without!"
Preacher said; "Tell it all, brother! Tell it all!"
Another man near the back stood up and said: "Preacher, I've been gambling. I've spent all my earnings on games and my family has had to go without!"
Preacher says: "Tell it all, brother! Tell it all!"
Another man stands and says: "Preacher, I've been hanging around bars and flirting with wild and loose women, and forsaking my wife and family!"
Preacher says: "Tell it all, brother! Tell it all!"
A man in the back stands and says: "Preacher, last week I had sex with a goat!"
Preacher says: "Damn, brother! I don't believe I'd told that!"
most everyone on the thread are fairly new, or posters I don't know too well, except for your aged screen name, LOL
perhaps you have been around long enough to remember that it was posting a thread like this that got Storm_Orphan banned
the more things change, the more they stay the same
Thanks for the laugh. Nice one.