Posted on 03/10/2005 2:13:48 PM PST by SwinneySwitch
If Hector David Herrera Martinez had been a better driver, he might not be facing a charge of smuggling bulk currency.
If he hadn't been traveling in a passing lane without passing any cars, if he hadn't abruptly slowed to 40 mph in a 65-mph zone, if he hadn't suddenly pulled off the road, I'm sure nobody would have noticed that stashed in his 1987 Lincoln Town Car was $283,473.
Unfortunately for Martinez, a Kimble County sheriff's deputy took notice and stopped him near Junction.
And that's when Martinez had to explain where he got the money.
Somebody, he told the officer, left it on his doorstep.
I don't know if that somebody was the tooth fairy who couldn't find Martinez's pillow.
I don't know if that somebody was Santa Claus who couldn't find the chimney.
I don't know if that somebody was the Easter Bunny who couldn't find any tall grass.
All I know is that somebody left something on the front porch around Valentine's Day, and it wasn't chocolate.
Last week, a federal grand jury in San Antonio indicted Martinez, and I really feel for the guy.
The last time somebody left a quarter of a million dollars on my doorstep, I made it all the way to the bank without getting thrown in jail. Most people do.
For some reason, though, Martinez found it difficult to calmly transport the gross national product of Bangladesh across Texas. According to the arrest report, he shook. He trembled. Now he's in the clink when he could be living large in a Third World country.
Poor guy. If only he had a little more cool. If only he didn't have so much company.
People who drive oddly draw police attention all the time. Some get stopped for making an improper turn and get busted for possession of cocaine. Others get pulled over for failing to yield, and get charged with carrying stolen goods.
Recently, officers stopped a 36-year-old man they saw going the wrong way on an I-37 access road.
Inside the 2005 Cadillac Escalade of Raul Hernandez, police found DVDs, video games and dozens of wallets and purses. Later, police found computers, printers, scanners, more DVDs and more than $69,000 at Hernandez's home. He told police he made the money by selling illegally reproduced movies.
It should be noted that police had been watching Hernandez. But they didn't pull him over until he began driving like he was nuts.
Tip to readers: If you're driving with suspicious or illegal goods, don't go the wrong way on a one-way street.
That brings me back to Martinez. He wasn't as reckless on the road as Hernandez. But Martinez did make some mistakes.
Here are some lessons to be gleaned from his arrest.
One: If you are in a passing lane with $283,473 in your car, make sure you pass another car.
Two: If an officer pulls you over and asks if he can search your vehicle, do not say "yes" when you've got more money in your trunk than your boss has in the bank.
Three: If a sheriff's deputy asks what's inside your big suitcase, do not say "presents" when there's a safe filled with $100 bills.
Four: If you are asked where you got the cash, do not say "on my doorstep" then change your mind and say "it belongs to my brother" and later sign a statement declaring that you're sticking with your first story.
That raises suspicions.
Five: If asked where you are headed, do not say "El Paso" when you're nowhere near the road that leads there.
Six: If asked where you are from, do not say "Bartlesville, Oklahoma," when you are an undocumented immigrant from Mexico.
Seven: The next time someone leaves 200 grand on your front porch, head for the bank and drive carefully. And if a car with flashing lights pulls you over, come up with a good story.
I-just-won-the-lottery is better than somebody-left-this-on-my-doorstep. It might even keep you out of jail.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To contact Ken Rodriguez, call (210) 250-3369 or e-mail krodriguez@express-news.net. His column appears on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
No kidding. At my previous job, I did a lot of extended travel. As a result, I had frequent expense report reimbursements deposited into my bank account (in addition to my regular paycheck), often on the order of one or two thousand dollars a pop. When I later went to buy my home, they raised a big issue over the source of all those deposits. I ended up having to get a letter from my boss explaining what it was all about.
Oh, you got the kind made with real girl scouts.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.