I thought the twist off cap, the push-up bra, and Extra Large Irish Catholic Family sized packages were Irish inventions.
Two Irishmen, Pat & Mike, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Pat stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Pat, a genie came forth. However, this particular genie, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Pat blurted out, 'Make the entire ocean into Guinness!'
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire ocean turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of guinness on the hull broke the stillness, as the two men considered their circumstances.
Mike looked disgustedly at Pat, whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke. 'Nice going Pat, now we're going to have to p*ss in the boat.'