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Somehow, even as boys or young teenagers, we felt like we were never "man enough." We felt like we didn't live up to the masculine ideal. We saw ourselves as too fat or too skinny, too short or too awkward, not athletic enough or tough or strong or good-looking enough -- or whatever other qualities we admired in other males but judged to be lacking in ourselves. It was more than low self-esteem, it was low gender esteem -- a deficiency in our core sense of gender upon which our whole self image is built. Other males just seemed naturally masculine, but masculinity never came naturally to us. We aspired to it but were mystified by how to achieve it. Among other males, we felt different and lonely.

THIS is a very moving paragraph for me. This is a real concern, for both boys AND girls. It may seem like psychobabble at first, "low gender esteem", but what we popularly define as masculinity and femininity do NOT come "naturally" to all people.

There are many girls who are called "tomboys" growing up. I was one of them. I can definitely attest to feeling mystified by what made other girls "tick". I just wasn't interested in ANY of the things that interested them. I wasn't comfortable around them, wasn't accepted by them, and my mother was pretty distant. I always loved "guy" things like sports, and found that I had a really good rapport with boys, especially my older brother. But boys didn't really want me around either so in effect I was something of a loner. Even now, all of my best and closest friends have been men, and I still feel quite different from most women. But I'm more content with my femininity, even if it isn't what most think it should be.

I think women are beautiful yet in many ways mysterious and sometimes offputting to me. Whereas men make a lot of sense to me and when I was a child I wished I'd been born a boy. Now I'm glad to be what I am.

But what if I'd ever been victimized by one of the boys I hung out with? What if I'd met another girl or a woman who understood me, reached out to me, and perhaps introduced sex into the relationship? What if I'd attended college and tried to fit in by trying lesbian sex (which is really a form of mutual masturbation that is probably quite pleasurable and not painful like sex with men can be). What if I'd joined a sports team and emphasized the "masculine" parts of myself, and taken on more of the characteristics of men? Who knows?!

I had a strong, scriptural upbringing and was active in Christian pursuits from a very young age. I had two parents who stayed together, even though there were a lot of problems. I had a loving, Christian community that accepted me. I had goals that were more important to me (because they were important to God) than just playing sports or being accepted by the world. I've had good role models, male and female. I was taught boundaries and to seek kingdom interests first. I have a relationship with God.

It is also imperative that parents understand the distinction between character differences and personality differences. If you son is sensitive, tasteful, gentle, emotionally expressive and affectionate, these are part of his personality. They are not character defects to be beaten or worked out of him. If your daughter is strong, athletic, logical, autonomous, and doesn't care about shopping or shoes or clothes or makeup, she's not deficient in any way. These are NOT signs of homosexuality! I think treating these kids as if they're different and "gay" makes them more likely to act on those desires if they ever arise.

These are NOT signs of homosexuality!

Indeed! If same-sex attraction really is a result of environment and confusion as we think it is, there really is no such thing as signs of homosexuality.

I think treating these kids as if they're different and "gay" makes them more likely to act on those desires if they ever arise.

Exactly. They are only signs that people attribute to something we call homosexuality, when in reality, it has absolutely nothing to do with what we identify as same-sex attraction.

"What if I'd attended college and tried to fit in by trying lesbian sex (which is really a form of mutual masturbation that is probably quite pleasurable and not painful like sex with men can be)."

I suspect there is something to that. I've noticed that excessive narcissism seems to be prevalent in the gay community, although it tends to be very much on the surface without a lot of introspection.
I suspect this is overcompensation for feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, and a lot of the behavior is an unhealthy reinforcement mechanism to compensate.