Posted on 07/14/2004 10:44:48 AM PDT by doug from upland
JOE WILSON'S secret diary; entries Feb. 17 - 25, 2003
Monday, Feb. 17
my biggest worry - when was I last immunized for yellow fever?...hectic cab ride to the airport...grabbed a latte on the way at the Starbucks where Caity Mahoney was murdered...awwww, she didn't get her chance to talk to Ken Starr...damn Republicans...caught United flight to Paris.....caught Al Algerie and landed in Niamey...20 hours and a lot of smelly people....man, I better find a way to get a book deal out of this
Tues, Feb. 18
fourth floor suite at the Gawaeye is okay...jet lag hitting hard...sat by the pool sipping sweet mint tea most of the day...asked a bellhop if he knew anything about Iraq buying yellow cake...he didn't
Wed., Feb. 19
spent about three hours sipping sweet mint tea...watched some CNN...I don't know whether to thank or blame Valerie for getting me this gig...if she ever finds out about the student who came in on my flight from Paris, she will hang me by my nads...asked Bridgette if she knew anything about Iraq buying yellow cake...she didn't
Thurs, Feb. 20
had a traditional Niger breakfast and stomach felt queasy most of the day...met with a few government officials...we sipped sweet mint tea...can't remember their names...asked if they knew about Iraq buying yellow cake...they didn't
Fri, Feb. 21
went to the Niamey Grand Market to do some shopping...asked the cabbie on the way if he knew anything about Iraq and yellow cake...he didn't...had a leisurely lunch and sipped sweet mint tea for about an hour and a half...asked 10 shop keepers if they knew about Iraq buying yellow cake...nine of them knew nothing...one guy heard some kind of a rumor from his brother-in-law in Chad but didn't trust him, particulary after his honor killing of their niece ...bought Valerie an authentic Djenne-Djeno copper alloy bead necklace...got one for Bridgette, along with a copy of Leaves of Grass in French...put it all on expense account...thank you, taxpaying suckers...watched a little CNN and a porno tape I brought with me
Saturday, Feb. 22
it was a tough week, so I thought I deserved some R&R...went to see camel races...asked three camel jockeys if they knew whether Iraq had bought yellow cake...they didn't...the races were fun, but the sweet mint tea had me jumping up to go to the bathroom too often...ha, ha, kind of like Al Gore was not in the room because he drank too much iced tea and had to go pee...took Bridgette out for some dinner and entertainment...we had a fairly decent meal of rice and sauce, couscous, kebabs, grilled fish and chicken...then went to the Jet-7 and drank a few too many beers
Sunday, Feb. 23
slept in late...this stinking place has no decent Sunday brunch in the whole damned country...had a continental breakfast -- orange juice, coconut milk, stale pastry of some kind...sat by the pool most of the day drinking sweet mint tea...in the evening, I went by a mosque and asked some kids outside if they knew anything about yellow cake...they ran away...I think they were scared and thought I might have been out gay cruising...maybe I'm lucky I didn't get beaten up like Kevin Spacey when he was out cruising in Geraldine Mary Harmsworth Park in London
Monday, Feb. 24
last day here...in good faith, I really wanted to do my job and find out about this yellow cake stuff...a police officer knew nothing, a librarian knew nothing, three tribal leaders knew nothing, a high-ranking military officer knew nothing, a peddler knew nothing, a guy I met in a public restroom knew nothing...spent another few hours by the pool to get in my last several cups of sweet mint tea
Tuesday, Feb. 25
another 20 stinking hours from Niamey to Paris to D.C....if this religious warrior and cowboy thinks he is going to get away with claiming Iraq was a threat, I have all the info I need to nail him...hell, he was never elected in the first place...I wonder if it will be Howard Dean or Hillary who gets the nomination...if I were Howard, I would worry that Hillary might whack me...whoever gets the nod, if they win, I had better get a good job...but I'm not going back to Niger...give me Paris