Holy heck! This has got to be just about the most bitter article I have ever read on any subject. I was going to say 'you forgot the barf alert', but forget it, it would never suffice.
I feel sorry for the poor kid, and btw, GREAT POST!
Particularly funny, to me anyway, she can't spell Scalamandre......she spells it rather as if it were some sort of french lizard. Shows what she knows...