Posted on 10/11/2005 6:31:45 PM PDT by WarEagle
A lot of children were conceived for no other reason than to trap a man. So naturally when the man bolts anyway the child is the detritus of a failed project and grows up feeling that way.
I'll bet most of the abused children in America were the legacy of failed "relationships" and are therefore of no further use or interest to their mother.
And how safe will a child feel in a home where there is an endless procession of strangers. New boyfriends/girlfriends.
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Bingo.
Well said. The little one's are a part - a huge one, to be sure - of my family. By no means are they the "center".
The oldest one and I are still working through this.
LVM
I agree, WE. There are necessary divorces, and we should be careful about judging. But our culture has swung off the charts in the other direction. It is no light thing to break up a family, especially when children are involved, and should only be done for the most serious of reasons.
The natural order dictates that parents sacrifice their own comforts, and needs if necessary, for the wellbeing of the children. It's in that sense that children are the "center" of the family, not that they should be fawned over. Ideally, the true center of the family should be the Author of family, God Himself, "from Whom every family takes its name".
The consequences of divorce are heartbreaking, and more so when you've seen it far more up close and personal than you ever wanted to. It's an insideous force that's at war against the family is these last days.
p.
>>>and most likely this 'children at the center of the family' is what is causing most divorces.
Is there any research at all to support this statement? I find it completely unbelievable that "most" divorces are caused by parents putting "children at the center of the family" or otherwise being too devoted to the kids.>>>
No research, just life experience. When the focus is centered on the children, your relationship lacks. For instance, I had a problem going out for the evening, the youngest would cry. I heard a statement "Better they cry for a few minutes than cry for a lifetime because Mom and Dad got divorced." So very very true. When Mom and Dad are happy, the children are happy. That of course doesn't mean you neglect or don't dote on your kids. There is just an order of success (IMO) to a family. Focus first on God, then on relationship of each other, then on the kids.
Good for you. The hardest thing in the world is to make the best of a bad situation.
>>>You are exactly right. I bet it made your marriage more solid, too.>>>
Yes it did.
>>>I find it completely unbelievable that "most" divorces are caused by parents putting "children at the center of the family" or otherwise being too devoted to the kids.>>>
I wanted to also expand on this. I absolutely believe that this is a part of alot of divorces. How many times have you seen the mother (as a for instance) completely consumed with the kids. Morning noon and night. Not just taking care of, but consumed with nothing BUT the kids. Too tired for sex, cause of the kids. Too busy for a lunch date, cause of the kids. Too worried about leaving the kids, can't go out for romantic dinner. Then there is Dad. Excluded most times from that part as he is busy working and Mom is spending all her time with/for the kids. Dad meets Sally Sue who has no morals or scruples. You get the idea.
The situation can also be reversed, but honestly, do you not see how this happens?
good analysis. There is disjunction in that argument a mile wide.
>>>good analysis. There is disjunction in that argument a mile wide.>>>
How so?
this sounds like an argument of the mother as an individual centering her life on the kids, not the family , i.e. the father and mother together with the children. The cause of the divorce in your example is unfaithfulness in the marriage and conversely, the fact that the family was NOT centered on the kids.
I think you are taking this wrong.
My husband's parents were divorced and mine weren't.
My parents made decisions that benefited the whole family. My mom didn't work until I (the youngest) was in school full-time. I wasn't at home by myself much as a kid. We went on vacations that were family friendly (mountains, lakes, camping). My parents knew where I was at all times.
My husbands's parents made decisions that benefited them, and not the rest of the family. When his 15 year old sister got pregnant, his parents signed something so that she could get married. My husband spent lots of his time alone after school. My husband didn't go on trips after his parents divorced. His dad went on trips by himself, and his mom was broke. His parents didn't know where he was most of the time.
They grow up with the over-riding conviction that "there's nothing more important than how I feel."
Count on it.
some people spend years in psychoanalysis and thouands of bucks to get to that kind of insight... and you can get it on FreeRepublic for free. Thanks.
What you said is true. To be orphaned by death is one thing, to be orphaned by rejection another.
Just remember it's the same lesson they learn when their folks get divorced, too.
I wasn't interpreting it as advocacy for divorce, but I do think it helps explain pathologic narcissism.
Moral Absolutes Ping.
Takes a man and a woman to conceive a child (discounting brave new world methods) and it takes a man and a woman to raise a child. Single parents often do the best they can, but it is always more difficult. What to speak of woman choosing to have a child without a father/husband around - the height of selfishness. Well, not the height - that would be abortion. A society with a lot of dysfunctional kids due to broken familes is a society that much closer to breakdown.
Freepmail me if you want on/off this pinglist.
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