Posted on 11/13/2005 10:35:27 PM PST by cyborg
Sacramento—In a bold, yet unexpected move, California has decided to dissolve all ties with the United States of America. It is reported, that on Tuesday, November 15, 2005, the California legislature will vote to secede from the Union.
The vote comes in an answer to the agonizing defeat of Governor Schwarzenegger’s propositions at the voting booths. The voters have made it clear that they don’t want any change in California. They have demonstrated to Governor Schwarzenegger that they want to leave things alone, keep the status quo.
“I’m glad the propositions went down,” stated Autumn Keely, a registered Democrat. “I’m especially glad Proposition 75 fell. We just can’t let Governor Schwarzenegger stick it to the unions. Those people work hard for their pay. They should be able to throw unlimited amounts of money at their candidates. But this is what happens when you elect a former Nazi to office.”
The losing propositions were 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 and seventy-eight. The proposition defeats were followed by the gun ban in San Francisco, which sparked a liberal revolt that has led to the expected vote on Tuesday. The measure, Proposition H, would ban the possession, manufacture, distribution, sale and transfer of firearms and ammunition within San Francisco.
The ordinance is reportedly supposed to take effect on January 1, 2006, but San Francisco residents would have until April 1, 2006, to surrender their handguns to police. However, the NRA is going to challenge the matter in court.
“This ban probably won’t withstand legal challenges,” commented Mayor Gavin Newsome. “But what a wonderful world it would be if those right wing nut jobs and their guns were banned. That would be heaven! The legislature must vote to secede now before those NRA wackos have time to get a court date!”
With the defeat of the propositions that have rendered Governor Schwarzenegger impotent, the secession was only a matter of time. The liberal tide has turned in California as they prepare to create a socialist utopia, saying no to Bush and to all Republicans.
Poll after poll showed it was an election that Californians didn’t want, with a total lineup of eight initiatives that didn’t even come close to every day issues such as gas price gouging, housing costs and the illegitimate war in Iraq. The voters basically told Governor Schwarzenegger to go back to the drawing board.
State Senate leader Don Perata, a Democrat from Oakland, said Tuesday night that Schwarzenegger had sowed the seeds of his own demise by taking on the full gamut of public workers, who made up more than half of the union members in California. “He asked for it and we gave it to him,” fired Perata. “I hope he’s not too disappointed. Just wait till we secede from the Union. It’ll be one for the ages. Long live the Socialist Republic of California!”
Governor Schwarzenegger is vigorously fighting the vote and reports that he’ll veto any legislation presented to him involving secession. “I’m not going to stand by and let these left wing weenies run my state,” leveled Schwarzenegger. “I’m going to do something about it. I think it’s high time we cleaned house in Sacramento!”
Proposition 73, which forced an abortion provider to notify parents of minors seeking abortions, suffered narrow defeat for Schwarzenegger. The exit polls reportedly showed voters wondering whether government should be involved with parental notification.
“I think the government should stay out of my kids’ bedroom,” said Joe Birnbaum, a 53-year old unemployed factory worker. “What goes on in my daughter’s bedroom stays in her bedroom. That’s why I voted no to Prop 73.”
“I’m sick and tired of these Christian conservatives invading my privacy. If my 14-year old daughter wants an abortion without notifying me, that’s just fine. These Christians need to keep their praying and their bibles to themselves,” fired Natty Goldman, a welfare recipient and mother of six.
As Democrats get geared up to vote on secession, some new mottos are being bandied about. Some of them include: “Californa, a whole other country;” “California, a utopian escape from conservatism;” and California, a socialist’s paradise.”
Now that the conservative propositions have been defeated, California has landed a one-two punch to Governor Schwarzenegger, leaving the legislature’s sudden decision to secede as the last step in rebellion. As Black Tuesday approaches, America looks on in utter disbelief and wonders if the California legislature has lost touch with all reality.
I may be inspired to join you in Sacramento if only to enjoy another steak at Mortons Steakhouse there. As for Calif leaving the union? GOOD.
I sure wish they would.
No way, I say let California (& the rest of the "blue states") secede....that would make life that much easier for the rest of us!
"Ahnold could leave that place a dried out husk and hardly anyone would even notice."
This would be the successful strategy Ronald Reagan used to bring down the Soviet Union. Ahnold should do it...but he doesn't have the guts.
and take your little dog, Toto, too.
We can only dream!
Already been done, begging for tax dollars that is.I plan on bugging out soon as I sell my house.Unfortunately so far all the states where the land is cheap enough for me retire are in the east coast "rust belt" caused by the same socialist agenda that's destroying CA.
"FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE'RE FREE AT LAST."
And don't the rest of you even THINK of coming to the Independent Republic of Kaleefornia without a passport! And we're going to charge you DOUBLE for Disneyland and you have to bathe first before you swim in OUR ocean!
Since the remaining states vote to eject Kalifornica from the Union, all are happy!
Please, God, let this be true!!!
Come to Georgia. Plenty of nice stuff within an hour of Atlanta - Close enough go to the Fox and far enough away to avoid most or the idiocy and traffic.
Too bad it isn't true. (sigh)
If only it were true. It's good to hear secession entering back, albeit very slowly, into the realm of viable options as was intended by the Framers
Fun to uncover the little golden nuggets of satire embedded in the larger satire.
"Proposition H" for San Francisco is a hoot for those who caught it.
Leni
Let them go. Let them go.
"“I think the government should stay out of my kids’ bedroom,” said Joe Birnbaum, a 53-year old unemployed factory worker. “What goes on in my daughter’s bedroom stays in her bedroom. That’s why I voted no to Prop 73.”
“I’m sick and tired of these Christian conservatives invading my privacy. If my 14-year old daughter wants an abortion without notifying me, that’s just fine. These Christians need to keep their praying and their bibles to themselves,” fired Natty Goldman, a welfare recipient and mother of six.
"
R O T F L M A O
I wish they would. It would addition by subtraction. Give it back to Mexico. It would be a "win-win" situation.
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