Lawrence, KS - University of Kansas religion professor Paul Mirecki, whose planned course on creationism was canceled after he described Christian students as "redneck Taliban fucktards who belong in formaldehyde, not in classrooms," was released today from a Lawrence hospital after an attack by a mysterious gang of Nascar racers.
According to Mirecki, he was driving his car at 3 AM on the outskirts of town when "20 or 30" Nascar race car pickup trucks suddenly appeared in a local WalMart parking lot and began following him menacingly, blaring AM talk radio. He says they ran him into a ditch, and began beating him with bibles, banjos and moonshine jars marked with 'XXX.'
"'This here's MERIKUH, and wee's all Jezus lovin' USA MER'KINS, yew gol-durn trickifyin' commernist smartypants! Stop challingin' our traditional backwoods bible valewz and tax cuts with yer dirty college book-larnin'!'" Mirecki quoted one of the assailants as saying. Mirecki said another threatened to "'shut up that thar purty professerin' mouth o' yers, lessen yew stop perluti-fyin' our Kansas hillbilly yunguns withen yore Satan monkey theories.'"
Mirecki was released from the hospital after treatment for minor bruises on his right cheekbone and fist.
Lawrence Police spokesman Carl Baher said that identifing the assailants would be difficult because, according to Mirecki, they were wearing Klan hoods and Sean Hannity masks. Nevertheless, Baher said his department would pursue all leads in the incident, the first recorded Nascar-related hate crime to occur in this quiet university town in more than 120 years.
"We are asking the Lawrence and KU community to aid in the investigation," said Baher. "Please report all sitings of white hillbilly Nazi plutocrats driving loud race pickups with large Halliburton or Enron decals."
(from IowaHawk)
IowaHawk is brilliant on this one.
Where's he been lately?
LOL! (Oxygen please!)