Posted on 12/23/2005 7:51:52 PM PST by teldon30
Ah, the holidays! Images of happy families laughing and dining together around a festive table. Of children gleefully opening presents and squealing with delight. Of couples cuddling before a fireplace and sharing romantic gifts and kisses.
At least this is how the Christmas and Hanukkah seasons are portrayed in magazine ads and television commercials that appear to bombard us 24/7. And for many lucky people such happy scenes reflect their reality.
But for many others, such scenes are constant and annoying reminders that their life does not match a Norman Rockwell painting. And these people tend to be forgotten or ignored at this time of year.
Am I referring to the homeless or refugees from flooded-out communities in Louisiana or Mississippi? No, for those people are not forgotten, and there are plenty of soup kitchens and shelters teeming with donated toys, turkeys, and volunteers eager to help them forget their misery. (Not that I am downplaying the tragedy that these people have suffered.)
I am speaking of a group of forgotten people who few think of during the holidays. I am referring to adult, single men who are "between" relationships.
I know whereof I speak, because many years ago, I was such a man. After my first marriage ended in divorce, and before meeting my current wife, I spent several holiday seasons alone. Really alone.
You see the problem was that people did not think of me when planning their holiday charitable deeds. When my parents who lived in the Midwest called and asked how I was doing, my response was always "just fine, I’m really busy." After all, being a "man," I could not admit how lonely I felt.
My married colleagues at work were pleasant enough. But their water cooler chatter consisted of daily reports of how hectic and busy they were … decorating their homes, baking cookies, and buying presents for their children, their spouses and their mailman. (I guarantee you; no single man even knows his mailman’s name, nothing is more depressing than a single person buying a Christmas tree, and I don’t think I knew how to turn on my oven.)
I was thrilled when they said we were going to have an office holiday party. And we were going to draw for "Secret Santa" presents.
After all, now I had one party to attend, and besides my parents I had someone to buy a present for! (Of course just my luck, one year I drew the mailroom guy, whom I could not stand.)
What about my friends? Yes, I had plenty of friends, but you see male friendships are different from female friendships. Unattached women are sensitive to the needs and feelings of one another. Any group of single women friends will plan lunches and dinner parties and shopping trips with one another. They will exchange presents. They may even decide to sign up for a cruise together over the holidays.
But men are, well, they are men. Male friendships tend to revolve around watching sports, getting drunk or hunting for women. If an unattached single guy calls another single guy and says that he is lonely or invites the other guy to go on a cruise with him, let’s just say his heterosexuality would be questioned.
And if he suggests to his buddy that they buy gifts for each other, the response would be a snicker.
At the dating service I ran, there were two times a year when far more men than women would join. One was during the holiday season and the other was in August during the "vacation season." During both periods, women would be busy with their women friends either having lunch or dinner with one another, taking day trips around New England, or going off on exotic vacations.
Unattached single men would notice that there were no single women around, so they would contact my dating service.
So this holiday season, if you know an unattached single man, call him. Don’t ask how he is, he won’t tell you the truth. Just invite him to join your family in your holiday festivities.
That’s the charitable thing to do.
You want to make a lonely single guy happy? Hook him up with a lonely single girl.
And in other breaking news: Water is Wet.
I'm divorced,44 (until 1/8/06) two teenage boys, a disabled vet (paraplegic) confined to a wheelchair, with a mortgage my ex stuck me with.
Even if I wanted to start dating, the odds are against me.
But I can't say I'm lonely, since I'm happier now than when I was married.
Like Mo Dowd?
He won't be your friend for long.....
As one Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus said, he was never less alone than when alone.
Girly men whining in public.
Sheesh!
My office had an adopt-a-family program. Seems to me, a single male -- with only ONE party to attend -- could get involved in something like that. Or, if he is really feeling left out, and wants to do something -- other than sulk -- he could volunteer to do some charity work at his local church or shelter.
Want to get the Christmas spirit? Well, maybe find out where someone is going to be having a Christmas meal for the poor, and volunteer to serve the food there -- after all, he claims he does not have anything else to do. He just might get a chance to see what Christmas is about if he did that.
Don't feel like getting grubby with the poor? How about an old-age home near where he lives? There is bound to be one withing 15 miles. Go down and volunteer to decorate, maybe sing carols, or just visit some of the lonely folks there. It doesn't matter if you cannot sing. Or how about a veteran's hospital?
This guy has got a bad case of the pity-me's. Best way to cure it is do something for SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF.
Get a load of this.
One great thing about living in western Canada -- where about 75% of the people you meet are from somewhere else -- was that the "native" people in my company made a point of looking out for the single folks from elsewhere in Canada on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Some of the best times I had there were at the homes of families who went out of their way to invite all the single people in the office over for dinner.
Single men lonely, on FR, during the holidays
I married for the first time at 40 so there is hope for anyone. LOL.
Single men ping. ;-)
Friendships? You've described the entire male experience. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) That's why there are sports bars. We can do all three of our favorite things at once.
Absoltuely not! You're definitely a keeper!
God bless you and thank you for your service. I guess I was lucky as to how my time in Special Forces ended - met a medium size tree hard enough to trash my left knee pretty good. No more jumping, but I was able to hang on in the Guard for a few more years until I was in the wrong place at the wrong time during a Clinton RIF.
I notice this guy doesn't know who his letter carrier is, doesn't know how to use an oven and hates the mailroom guy. I think I know what his problem is and loneliness is only a side effect.
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