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Heard the one about Chuck Norris?
St. Petersburg Times ^
| 02/03/2006
| John Barry
Posted on 02/03/2006 7:57:02 AM PST by rarestia
click here to read article
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To: phugg
"Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The F*#% was That?"
21
posted on
02/03/2006 8:26:01 AM PST
by
Hatteras
To: rarestia
Little surprise that he's being panned by pop culture now. He's a conservative Christian whose main political involvement is an initiative that the Bible be offered as a course in public schools. He also cites the removal of public prayer from schools as a huge turning point in our society.
22
posted on
02/03/2006 8:27:16 AM PST
by
rjp2005
To: desherwood7
The problem is, The "kids" have never watched a Chuck Norris movie or ever watched a Walker:Texas Ranger episode. Um, not really much of a problem. I respect Chuck Norris (and love these jokes) . . . but his film efforts have been . . . well, lacking at best.
Message to Mr. Norris: If you are reading this, please know that I fully understand that you are the best actor in the world. I know it had to have been bad directing and/or writing that caused your movies and shows to be lacking. Please don't roundhouse kick me!
To: Rebelbase
24
posted on
02/03/2006 8:27:19 AM PST
by
luvbach1
(Near the belly of the beast in San Diego)
To: gridlock
25
posted on
02/03/2006 8:30:39 AM PST
by
demkicker
(democrats and terrorists are familiar bedfellows)
To: pollyannaish
Well, I guess this means the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is not only over...it's way over. Chuck Norris was in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) with Cayden Boyd
Cayden Boyd was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon
To: rarestia; All
To: Bluegrass Conservative
LOL. Ok, not completely over. But close?
To: Bluegrass Conservative
Chuck Norris has only two degrees of separation from any man who has ever had sex with a woman.
29
posted on
02/03/2006 8:32:44 AM PST
by
gridlock
(eliminate perverse incentives)
To: rjp2005
Little surprise that he's being panned by pop culture now. I think you should take out the word "panned" and replace it with "revered". Guys in the 18-30 age range are attempting to regain their masculinity. What better role model for that than Chuck Norris. He's a good decent man . . . who will kick the living s**t out of anyone who isn't!!
To: rjp2005
He's not being panned. He's being idolized as the ultimate no nonsense butt kicker. I think this thing started in Iraq. The Soldiers eat this stuff up. Check out EHOWA.COM (NSFW but a favorite site for soldiers) for more Chuck stuff. Example of artwork on EHOWA (the guy is good!)
Caption reads "What The F___ Is That Big Zit On His Head All About?"
Or another
To: rarestia
I've been seeing them around the net .. their actually quite funny.
heres a few:
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
To: rarestia
"Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f!!king Indian."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I darn near spit my coffee out!
LOL!
33
posted on
02/03/2006 8:36:55 AM PST
by
Bigh4u2
(Denial is the first requirement to be a liberal)
To: rarestia
I play the online game World of Warcraft. And lately I've been seeing all this Chuck Norris stuff filling up the general chat channels in alot of the major cities all the time. Seems kinda pointless to me, but it's a fad I guess.
Indidently, did you know that when Chuck Norris does pushups he is actually pushing the Earth down? I didn't realize that before...
34
posted on
02/03/2006 8:37:07 AM PST
by
Bones75
To: rarestia
Bill Brasky came along first.
35
posted on
02/03/2006 8:40:49 AM PST
by
GraniteStateConservative
(...He had committed no crime against America so I did not bring him here...-- Worst.President.Ever.)
To: whispering out loud
36
posted on
02/03/2006 8:43:19 AM PST
by
whispering out loud
(the bible is either 100% true, or in it's very nature it is 100% a lie)
To: Bones75
Yeah Bones, I first heard the Chuck Norris stuff in WoW. I think we were raiding UBRS, we downed the Beast and someone upped with, "PWNED! Like Chuck Norris on a blind man!"
Now that I understand it, there's much more hilarity to the comment.
37
posted on
02/03/2006 8:49:52 AM PST
by
rarestia
("One man with a gun can control 100 without one." - Lenin / Molwn Labe!)
To: rarestia
Has anyone seen Conan O'Brian playing random Walker Texas Ranger clips on his show? Pretty funny stuff!
38
posted on
02/03/2006 8:50:09 AM PST
by
Awestruck
(All the usual suspects)
To: rjp2005
"Little surprise that he's being panned by pop culture now. He's a conservative Christian whose main political involvement is an initiative that the Bible be offered as a course in public schools. He also cites the removal of public prayer from schools as a huge turning point in our society."
He's not really being panned right now. In fact.. I would watch for a fatal roundhouse any time now just for saying that. By the time you see Chuck coming, though, it'll be too late.. :P
39
posted on
02/03/2006 8:50:21 AM PST
by
Bones75
To: Rebelbase
That's funny stuff! Ever used shad sides for cat-bait? I put it on the treblehook while wearing rubber gloves & holding my breath. But channels love it.
Having said that:
1.) Anything that comes out of Brown University is suspect; and,
2.) Chuck Norris can sharpen a lawn mover blade
while the mower is running.
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