Posted on 03/17/2006 9:54:54 AM PST by Abathar
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Two Kansas City-area women are fighting to get their children back after serving their country overseas.
When Dena Stephenson went off to war, her 6-year-old daughter, Kristina, went to stay with her father. Stephenson followed the military's Family Care Plan, which gave temporary power of attorney and guardianship of her child to the father.
"Once I came back from deployment, naturally, my child wanted to be with me nonstop," Stephenson said.
Stephenson said she was supposed to get Kristina back when she returned home, but now the girl's father is asking for 50-50 custody.
"I don't agree with that as a parenting plan. I don't think it's healthy for the child and I've already missed a year of her life," Stephenson said. "It hurts me that he's trying to do this, and in the long run, I think it's going to hurt her, too."
Regina Ellis is going through a similar experience. She was deployed overseas for a year, and she also followed the Family Care Plan. Now that she's back, Ellis has lost custody of her son, Trevor.
This month, her ex-husband gained full-time custody, and Ellis said she sees Trevor only every other weekend.
"It's not just us and it's not just the Army and it's not just females -- this is military-wide, and it hurts," Ellis said.
Both Ellis and Stephenson are fighting their cases in court this spring.
KMBC-TV in Kansas City, Mo., reported that a law passed in 2003 is supposed to protect soldiers in war zones from civil lawsuits until they return. But now that law is being challenged in Kansas courts.
There is also a case pending before the Kansas Supreme Court about a Marine who lost custody of his son while he was in Iraq.
"If I'd never been deployed to Iraq, I don't think we'd be going through this," Stephenson said.
A spokeswoman at Fort Riley said returning soldiers are offered re-entry counseling, but no legal assistance in civil matters.
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Except we aren't talking about all military, are we? We are talking about military folks who were either 1)never married (which is detrimental to having a healthy family) or 2) divorced (which means the family that they had wasn't very healthy).
So I'll agree that a person with an unhealty family situation, who happens to be in the military, may not be the ideal parent.
And now I'm out of here for a good while, but if you want to continue, I'll be happy to pick it back up when I return to the computer.
So, for the sake of argument, the man who leaves the US in service to his country, in good faith, and has a wife left at home who decides for whatever reason, that she's had enough and files for divorce, should then be penalized BY the goevernment which he serves for his choice to serve our country by losing custody of his kids as well??
So, you prefer the alternative, which is being raised by one parent and excluding the other?
And which branch were you in?
I was never in the military and I'm too old to go in now (if they would even want me).
Actually it is the ex-wife.
Be sure to work to keep that judge from being re-elected.
Thanks for the discussion. FRegards.
If the divorce happens after he's already deployed (or committed), that's certainly a reasonable exception to that I said. But if he's already separated and still goes off for an extended time, he should expect less of a relationship. I respect his sacrifice, and he certainly shouldn't lose all his time with his kids, but it's probably in the best interest of the kids to remain with their mother if they've been with her full-time for a year.
I guess I just disagree. If dad has to be gone for a while -- or mom -- because of their service, kids understand that. But to deny custody -- even in partiality -- when they return is unfair to both the child AND the parent. The government is denying the returning parent an opportunity for relationship. And FWIW, I prefer an all-male military. But it's not the reality, and I respect the women who choose to serve.
I usually stay out of these threads, since it's really just an unfortunate situation however it works out. There are valid points on either side.
I do believe that any court action would be deferred until the serving parent is home.
Tell it to the judge, honey...best interests of the child, and all that.
Ex-husbands?
'pears, though, that he HAD gone away and was just sending a check...... Some men prefer it.
Your comment assumes no person was ever involuntarily divorced.
Amen. Let's go get coffee....
LOL -- me too!!
My phrasing was bad, sorry- I meant that it is probably better for the child if the parents share custody rather than the child being transferred suddenly from father to mother.
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