"Hello, Birch. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Kudos for bringing the public back to the Republican party. It's high time people realized we conservatives aren't all Johnny Hatemongers, Charlie Bible Thumps, or even -- God forbid -- George Bushes. "
"Young friends, my opponent, Joe Quimby, is confused about your school system. Do you know what he does? He flip-flops."
"That was a _big_ mistake, Bart. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it."
" Bob: Only _I_ could have executed such a masterpiece of electoral fraud. And I have the records to prove it! Here, just look at these -- [pulls out binders and floppy disks] each one a work of Machiavellian art.
Judge: But why?
Bob: Because you _need_ me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this: to protect you from yourselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run. "
-"Sideshow Bob Roberts", aired 10/9/94