Posted on 05/03/2006 5:49:15 AM PDT by GeorgiaDawg32
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but bring back the ‘‘My grandma went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” kidswear. Anything’s better than the latest attempt to fashion victimize children: Pimpfants wear. As in ‘‘pimp” plus ‘‘infant.” Britney wannabes - rev up your credit cards, there’s a double-wide load of styles to choose from. There’s the winsome ‘‘Baby Beater” tank tops, the mini basketball uniform with ‘‘Jr. Pimp Squad” across the jersey or the T-shirts that read ‘‘My Mom Is a MILF.” (I’d explain MILF, but this is a family newspaper.) Speaking of families, parents who dress their kids in Pimpfants might as well start saving for pole-dancing lessons - and therapy sessions - now. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the kids aren’t begging for the stuff. ‘‘But mom, all the other toddlers have ‘Pimpfant’ onesies.” Where does such design genius come from? I had the pleasure of speaking with the brainchild behind Pimpfants Inc. yesterday, as one Jared Parsons explained his eureka moment. A former skateboarder, he was shopping for clothes for his first son, who’s now 5 and quite a fashion plate. ‘‘I wanted him to dress how me and my friends dress,” Parsons said, ‘‘but it’s hard to find baby clothes like that.” Gee, I wonder why. Parsons and his friends use the word ‘‘pimp” to mean ‘‘styling,” he explained, and just as he was wishing he could buy his infant some styling clothes it came to him: Pimpfants. ‘‘Wow,” he said to himself, ‘‘that’s a really good idea.” How good? Well yesterday, after word of Pimpfants wear hit the Drudge Report Web site, the server got more hits than it could handle. Parsons sounded so nice I almost felt bad asking him about, you know, matters of taste. ‘‘We are getting a lot of positive feedback,” he said. And those who are horrified at the thought of a child wearing a shirt that says ‘‘pimp”? It’s simply a matter of understanding the new lingo. ‘‘A lot of people have trouble thinking of the word ‘pimp’ without associating it with someone on the street.” Funny, that. Meanwhile, Parsons said he plans to introduce some new, top-secret designs at a trade show in - where else? - Las Vegas in August. I don’t know about you, but I’m hoping for some chewing tobacco in strained-pea flavor, a baby-bottle cap based on those beer hats that hold two cans and deliver the goods via hose to the wearer’s mouth, and a mullet toupee for the baby without hair. If I had a bit more gumption, I’d put together a Pimpfant-wearing infant rap group. You know, TWA - Toddlers With Attitude.
I apologize for no paragraphs..it previewed just fine..
Hey, it beats "Sheen Kidz".
How about this on a baby shirt: "I'm going to fire your pimpfant for his/her deep-rooted attitude problems."
Just when you think class could not get any lower...
Just when you think class could not get any lower..
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Might as well put curb feelers on their strollers.
(if you ever see it I thought of it)
Not a good shirt to wear for many reasons. It's safe to say I shouldn't have to explain the meaning of "MILF" here. If you're going to wear a shirt saying that on the front, the back should read, "I have an Oedipus complex."
Egad!
I'll take three.
What's next? Tattoo booths in Babies-R-Us?
No paragraphs - file under "OOPS" and keep going. I think everyone gets bit by the HTML monster once in a while.
As to to article - when outfits that should be Halloween costumes became every day wear for older children, I suppose this was only a matter of time. The "prostitots" fashion is just getting younger and younger...
Come on everyone?! Pimpin ain't easy! You gots to start YOUNG! :-)
Pimpfant's stuff seems pretty mild compared to this stuff:
http://www.tshirthell.com/babyhell.shtml
I know I shouldn't, but I do find some of it pretty funny. "They Shake Me" is my favorite.
Wonder if they will make pants that say "Juicy" or the rear. Or how about "Pooper".
Unbelievable.
List?
GAG!
Excellent word, Rebel - prostitots.
World gone mad.
Shu up yo mouf and gimme ma pacifier fo I jack-slap yo bwut like a bee-ach ho, dog.
The scary thing is, that would likely be a money making franchise.
do you really think that anyone that would actually put that kind of shirt on a baby would know what an oedipus complex is?
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