Skip to comments.Ultimate "Guest Worker" Program
Posted on 05/17/2006 3:19:08 PM PDT by tomzz
According to the Bush administration and the US senate, we need guest workers in this country, presumably to do the heavy lifting which Americans are no longer capable of.
I've got an idea for a sort of an ultimate version of something like that... According to everything I read, gorillas in the wild are in danger of outright extinction, mainly due to human encroachment on teritories. Also from most of what I read, gorillas are basically bright, and very easy to get along with, as compared to chimps which should be regarded as dangerous.
According to some of what I read, gorillas are unable to master spoken English mainly due to lack of voluntary control of breathing which we humans take for granted. Nonetheless, a number of them have been taught to communicate amongst themselves and with humans using American deaf signing conventions, and the oldest of these, Koko, who is now about 35 years old, is said to have an IQ of about 100:
They say that aside from signing, Koko understands several thousand spoken English words and can thus be set to tasks even by people who don't understand signing.
A very obvious way to save the gorillas thus suggests itself: Simply stop viewing them as animals, teach them ALL to sign, bring them to industrialized countries (since neither humans, gorillas, or anything else has much of a future living in African jungles), and put them to work. Nothing which earns its living the old fashioned way by hard work and the strenuous life (as Teddy Roosevelt used to put it) is in any danger of extinction in this world. They're five to fifteen times as strong as we are through the arms and shoulders, and are good at climbing. There are still all kinds of places where people with those kinds of credentials are valuable. Heaving used engines and engine parts and transmissions into trucks in and around junkyards for instance, working at docks, you name it.
This would be the ultimate guest worker program. There would be no downside. No gorilla would ever vote for a demokkkrat, ever try to plant an African flag on American territory or be involved in anything like la-raza or atzlan, walk straight into the emergency room to have a splinter taken out of his hand, try to rent an apartment for himself and 75 of his relatives, or insist that ATM machines be in both English and gorilla.
Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, said Rove told lawmakers Bush is sincere about enforcement. But, he added, The president doesnt want to enforce immigration law because hes afraid hell inconvenience someone who wants to come into the country for a better life.
Stairway to Heaven ("Pathway to Citizenship")
There's an illegal who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying a Pathway to Citizenship And when she gets there she knows if the hospitals are closed With a protest she can get what she came for
Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a Pathway to Citizenship
There's a amnesty in the bill but she wants to be sure cuz you know sometimes words have two meanings In the tree by the brook there's a Minuteman who sings Sometimes all of our votes are misgiven
Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying Pathway to Citizenship
There's a sickness I get when I look to the west And the border is crying for enforcement In my thoughts I have seen invaders through the trees And the litter of those who come sneaking
Woe oh oh oh oh oh And he's buying a Pathway to Citizenship
And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune Then the Senate will sell us some treason And a new day will dawn for those who stand long And the Congress will echo with laughter
And it makes me wonder
If there's a rustler in your hedgerow Don't be a lawman It's just some amnesty for May Day
Yes there are hundreds of paths you can go by but in the long run There's still time to change the road you're on
Your head is humming and it won't go because you don't know The prez is calling you to join him Dear illegal can't you hear the wind blow and did you know Your amnesty lies in the senate
And as we wind on down the road Our Congress taller than our souls There walks a lady we don't know Who picks lettuce and wants to show How anchor babies turn to gold And if you listen very hard The tune will come to you at last When all are one and one is all To be a rock and not to troll Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a Pathway to Citizenship
There's a citizen who's sure all their votes have been sold And they're buying a Pathway to Citizenship And when she gets there she knows if the schools are closed With a tax hike she can get what she came for
And she's getting a Pathway to Citizenship...
Wednesday, Dec. 21, 2005 12:27 a.m. EST
Stalin Sought Apeman Warriors
Soviet dictator Josef Stalin wanted to create a "living war machine" composed of warriors who were half-man and half-ape.
Call him "Mighty Joe Stalin."
According to the Scotsman newspaper, Soviet archives have revealed that in the mid-1920s, Stalin ordered a scientist to monkey around with ape and human genetics and produce fierce but compact versions of King Kong to do battle on behalf of the world socialist order.
Moscow newspapers reported that Stalin told Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."
The Scotsman noted that the new warriors might also be used to create a new labor force whose workers would not complain and would eat whatever they were given.
It would be the former Soviet Union's Communist version of "The Planet of the Apes."
Ivanov was highly respected for having established the world's first center in 1901 for the artificial insemination of racehorses. He was given $200,000 and sent to West Africa to attempt to impregnate chimpanzees with human sperm. Back home, a center was set up in Georgia - Stalin's birthplace - where the young living war machines were to be raised.
When that didn't work, he went back to Russia and tried impregnating humans with monkey sperm. That didn't work either and he was sentenced to five years' jail, which was later commuted to five years' exile in the Central Asian republic of Kazakhstan in 1931. The Scotsman reported that he died a year later.