Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
Hells bells, I'll pay you 900 bucks a month NOT to jerk that thing. ;^)
There are a whole lot of men in this country who aren't remotely suitable for fatherhood. And that shouldn't be a reason for a whole lot of women who ARE suitable for motherhood to forego reproducing. This is a social trend which will put more pressure on men to get their acts together. Instead of settling for a man who is a substance abuser, and/or violent, and/or a lazy bum, and imagining they can "change" him by "settling down" with him, women will increasingly leave men like that out in the cold where they belong. There are way too many households in this country where the father is a source of instability and terror in the home, and for the most part they're getting away with it because their wives have been brainwashed into thinking they must have a husband, and a father for their children, at all costs.
What that you don't care about fertilized embryos being discarded?
Sure you can, get married and have children if you are able.
It's not that uncommon.
"We've lost the idea that marriage and children go together."
No we haven't. But even following that ideal sometimes things still go sour.
Money.
Like PT Barnum says, there's a sucker born every minute - and there will always be a carnie barker happy to sell them a ticket!
So is it safe to say you don't like the Borg?
"Maybe these women would try harder to find a mate if lazy immoral college bums werent busting loads for cash."
Maybe they have, we don't know. And if all there are is immoral college bums to choose from why would they even bother.
$1,000.00 and you got a deal..
If I'm selfish for wanting to have and raise kids in a family environment with a mother and a father, I guess you've won the debate. But the kids raised in a family environment will have won over those that have just been raised by one parent.
ROTF!! 8^)
"I am disgusted by the entire culture of artificial reproduction."
You can be digusted all you want, again sometimes life just isn't as perfect as you want it to be.
"What that you don't care about fertilized embryos being discarded?"
Well in this case they aren't. These women are being impregnated.
"Sure you can, get married and have children if you are able."
Sometimes life just isn't that simple. There are lots of couples who marry and love each other and even something as simple as producing children can be a huge challenge.
" ... and there will always be a carnie barker happy to sell them a ticket!"
And the same saying goes true to that saying about what is the oldest profession?
"Maybe they have, we don't know. And if all there are is immoral college bums to choose from why would they even bother."
One good reason might be so they dont end up old and alone in a nursing home where the orderly beats them and takes their jewelry to Uncle Joes.
There are good men out there, and good women.
May they find each other realize it.
I know a number of wonderful women who just haven't met the right guy yet. They are terrifically smart, kind, and self-supporting. Now they are in their mid or late 30s and, being women, would still love to have a child. They aren't bimbos, they don't party, many don't even drink, some are church-going. When guys their age want to get married, they can, and do, look for younger women with whom to have children.
I am a little unsure about the sperm donor thing, but would you have anything against these women adopting children, especially older kids? Isn't it better for a child to have 1 loving parent than none?
I say this as a widow who's raised a child alone myself. I empathize with my friends who would love to have kids but whose unmarried status puts them in a bind. If they have a child, they're a whore and unmarried mom, if they adopt as single people, they are depriving a child of 2 parents.
I learned that the hard way too, the 1st time around. The youger kids will also resent you more than likely for not being their original dad. But when the chips are down you are an outsider.
I experienced this several times with Dads who have full custody (more and more common these days) I couldn't compete...and that's what it was....."a competition". It seemed no matter what plans were made..."something" always came up with the kid(s). I could see a whole lot of manipulation by the little darlings......usurping Dad's attention so it didn't go elsewhere.(I don't have energy or patience for this...lol)
From the kid's point of view....I understand this because they feel their territory "invaded". It's probably better for custodial parents to concentrate their full attention on raising Jr. instead of dating anyway. :)
That's not what I said. I think men who have babies just to have babies are just as equally selfish.
This trend is not going to be the source of any "genetic disaster". These donors are intelligent, healthy, and well-educated, and their children overwhelmingly will be too. The genetic disaster is coming from the high birth rates to teenage 2nd/3rd/4th generation welfare girls, whose babies are fathered by young men who live in a perpetual revolving door between street gangs and prisons, and whose mothers were teenage 2nd/3rd generation welfare recipients.
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