An older dad...

[Neoliberalnot]

There is no book on right or wrong ways to raise children. All I can say is; patience is a virtue in every case.

Helpful and proven methods to keep your child healthy -- #1. Keep him/her out of day care -- a known breeding ground for pathogens for every organ system.

[pke]

Congratulations!
As a friend told me when I had my first child at 43, "Now your life is going to begin."
I thought the statement rather odd since I had lived a very successful and full life up until then but I found it to be dead on.
At 45 I had my second child.
At 47 my third.
At 50 my forth who is now 1 and a half.
Each child was planned and wanted.
I want more but I haven't been able to get my wife to drink martinis since the last one. /S
The most profound effect will be the realization that you never knew you could love so deeply or so much.
Each child brings great joy and satisfaction because each child is a source of wonderment and love.
When was the last time you laid on your back and tried to figure out what shape a cloud looked like or took time to marvel at a bug?
When was the last time you opened your eyes in the morning to find an adoring face in yours with bright eyes and excitement simply because you were there?
When was the last time you had someone in your life who loved you unconditionally and only asked for your love in return (your dog doesn't count)?
I'm 51 and with my two wonderful teenage stepchildren added to the mix I do get exhausted at times but I look into the faces of these beautiful children and realize that indeed every morning, every day "my life has just begun."

[gakrak]

I'm one we adopted a girl in 1996 and another in 1999 from Russia. We have three biological sons ages 39,35, and 33.
I was 57 when we adopted our youngest in 1999. They are ages 10 and 7. God is good. Amen.

[Da_Shrimp]

What an excellent post!

We're thinking of having a second child after this one, provided all goes well, of course: not sure we'll go for four, though!

[TChris]

Congratulations!

Personally, I grew up in a big family, so I had plenty of experience with tending the younglings, nappies, etc., so that part didn't faze me.

I thoroughly enjoy fatherhood. I have four, ages 18, 16, 13 and ...3. :-)

As far as advice, in no particular order:

• Sacrifice Being a parent is about putting the needs of your child above your own. Frequently. It can be tiring, frustrating and annoying, but it's critically important work.
• Example Your child will pay much more attention to what you do than to what you say. If you intend to establish rules to which you will hold your child to account, you'll be far ahead to live them as well.
• Consistency This word should be engraved in stone above every parent's bed. It is critical to a child's sense of security to know that he will wake up tomorrow in the same world where he goes to sleep tonight.

  If expectations, boundaries and rules are undefined or change frequently, it will cause a number of problems for everyone involved. Necessary changes should be introduced gently, and only after announcing them ahead of time to allow them time to "sink in".

  A few, important rules, consistently enforced will work much better than micro-managing according to the mood of the moment.

• Choice and accountability As a child develops, he should be granted progressively greater freedom of choice. The level of freedom should be matched to the child's maturity. A three or four-year-old could be given two or three options for the day's clothing, for example.

  Within reasonable limits, your child should be allowed to fail. For a child to earn self-esteem from success, he must have the option of failure. Success cannot exist without the option of failure.

  Don't let your toddler wander in traffic, but do let him choose the wrong color of crayon to color the tree he's drawing.

• Discipline Establish beforehand what the consequences of wrongdoing will be. Make certain he understands. Consistently apply that consequence quickly, every time. Even if you're tired. Even if you're frustrated. Take the time to explain why. This is how your child learns the cause-and-effect relationship of his choices and their consequences.

• Finally... Express your love and affection for your child regularly. Encourage him. Forgive him quickly and help him learn the lessons of failures. Cheer successes enthusiastically.

[badbass]

Congratulations! I was about 40 when my daughter was born. Quite a life changing event for an old narcissistic musician such as myself. The only thing I did wrong was trying to do too much, with job, baby, playing music, trying to renovate 2 houses to live in one, sell the other. Wound up with quadruple bypass surgery at 42 for my efforts. Just relax, enjoy it, try not to do too much while the child is under 2 years old. And watch your blood pressure,ha! You'll do fine.

[Apple Blossom]

I look into the faces of these beautiful children and realize that indeed every morning, every day "my life has just begun."

What a great Dad! (wiping eyes)

[art_rocks]

Find kids shows you can enjoy. There are so many, no reason to listen to Barney if you don't want.

[lowbridge]

I wondered if there are any other blokes around here who became fathers at such a relatively advanced age? What was it like, do you regret not having children younger, did you cope with the broken nights and nappy changing and is there any advice you could give?

My advice to you...is to start drinking heavilly

[fortunecookie]

Congratulations!

[newzjunkey]

Both of my parent's were in their 40's. The downside was only mom lived to meet her grandchildren.

Are you in good health? If you smoke, stop. If the wife smokes, make her stop. Eat better and exercise. Walking is enough. You'll know when you've found a healthy rhythm.

Don't skip vacations and don't overwork. Save some energy for the family. Before taking any 'big trips' wait until the child is old enough to have some memory of it. Lastly, make sure you have enough life insurance. You never know when your ticket will get punched.

[Youngman442002]

My mother had me when she was 46..my dad was 49....I kind of got forgotten about...they had already had 5 kids and my closest sibling was 12 years older....I was the in house baby sitter is what I remember...I never had a lunch box like the other kids...I had a $1.00 to buy lunch at a grocery store counter...I remember it well A hamburger and a green river soda....I ate with the workers..sometimes my teacher would take me home for lunch...and a lady who had a pizza joint would feed me too....I became very independent....and I am single today...at 49....the other side of the story

[Natural Law]

Just joking.... Kids will make you young again and old at the same time.

[ConservativeGadfly]

I can offer advice as the offspring of older parents.

My dad was 45 and my mother was 40 when I was born.

Nothing could have been better. My parents were financially stable, had truly interesting friends and weren't hysterical about really, anything. They were WWII/Depression generation, which meant they taught me the value of a dollar, good old fashioned values and a sense of independence.

Now if I could give a bit of advice here -- not to sound morbid, but I have now lost both parents in my 30s and it was a bit rough at times, particularly at the thought that my children would never really know their awesome grandparents. You have to raise your child to be incredibly independent, financially and otherwise, to handle the almost overwhelming responsibility of what happens when you are suddenly put in the position of caretaker at a relatively young age.

There are a ton of great things about being an older parent -- and use them to the advantage of teaching your child at every opportunity. Do not sweat the small stuff at all. Relax. But also know that yours is a different sort of parenting job. Teach them limits -- do NOT back down because it is "easier" -- you are in charge in your household and the discipline and limits are terribly important to them. Children find comfort in routines and schedules and limits that are placed on them -- do not bend on those for a moment. If you do not heed this, your children will run your household, which is a huge, huge error with tragic consequences.

We are going to have our third child and I, like my mother, will be 40 soon. The pregnancy is a lot harder this time, but the parenting will have an eye to packing in as many life lessons as possible in the amount of time I have....

Good luck and Godspeed!

[blowfish]

Congratulations! My situation was very similar to yours:

1. Your sleep will suffer. Adjust your habits to start going to bed earlier and get more sleep when the opportunity presents. Don't stay up till midnight surfing the web.
2. Now is the time to focus on your health! You *must* work on identifying your longterm health issues and correcting them. Eat better and get in shape NOW!!!
3. Diapers are nothing. The thing that will probably cause you the most grief is the loss of independent time: hobbies, kick-back weekends, spontaneous road trips will all become much, much harder. Finding compromises that allow you and your wife to stay sane will become a major issue to solve.

[cibco]

You might enjoy this and get a chuckle too.

[Always Independent]

My two sons came into being in m mid to late thirties. Don't let them scare you about loss of sleep. Many kids at least mine sleep real peaceful through the night.
My advice
1. Take good care of the woman that gave you this wonderful gift.
2. Keep yourself healthy. I'm just about to turn 52 with two teenage boys and enjoy being part of their activities. It will also help you being around when they graduate from college or basic training.
3. Learn to be a good listener. One of the biggeat reasons kids get into trouble is because someone is not listening to what is going on in their lives.
4. Love you child! Even when they do things that may make your blood boil.
5. Forget about that fancy sports car because all of you money has now been earmarked for the greatest project you've ever undertaken. :-)

[KosmicKitty]

Well, I'm a female so I can't help you on being a dad, but I'm 47 and my father is 97, so you beat him by 6 years!! In fact, my parents didn't meet till my father was 47 and my mom was 32.

I think you enjoy kids more when you're older. I'm hoping that I might be blessed with one more child myself. Congratulations!!

[CherylBower]

Congratulations.

GET A CO-SLEEPER. It was wonderful. We didn't have one with our son (bottle fed), but we had one with our daughter (breast fed). I did all the work, but I slept a lot better with her right beside me. (I didn't mind the work, very rewarding.)

Do a google search on co-sleeper.

[LexBaird]

Congrats!

Random bits of advice:

Always keep in mind that you are the most influential male your child will ever know.

You job is now to raise another human. Your occupation is merely the way you fund your real job.

Make it a policy from day one that if Mom says "no", Dad will back it up every time, and vice versa.

Let your child sit on your lap or ride on your shoulders whenever he wants to. Mine are almost too big now, and it's only been a few years.

Remember all the cool things you wanted to do with your Dad, and do them.