If you're playing LPs, take a suitably-sized drill bit and put a new center hole in the LP. When you play the record on the new (off-center) center hole, it'll speed up and slow down as the record turns, and sound like ol' blue eyes has got terminal seasickness.
LOLOLOL!!
It's been done! Watch James Cagney in "One Two Three" (1961). The East German police torture his boss's daughter's love interest by forcing him to listen to "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini". When that doesn't work, they remove the turntable spindle and let it play eccentrically, which finally breaks down his will.
Anyway, good suggestion. Ten bucks on eBay got me fifteen LPs of ol' blue eyes. Entertainment potential unlimited.
;^)
"put a new center hole in the LP."
See you used to have a lot of free time, eh? ...:)