A Very Harry Ending

New York Post ^ | February 20, 2007 | ANGELA MONTEFINISE

[CholeraJoe]

February 18, 2007 -- HARRY Potter is not going to die.

But Professor Snape will.

Harry Potter will not hook up with Hermione. But his best friend will.

And Harry Potter will never see Dumbledore alive again. But Dumbledore will still manage to help him.

How do I know these things about the recently completed seventh and final book in the beloved Harry Potter series?

I don’t.

Like millions of other Potter-loving muggles, I’m just guessing. That’s half the fun.

[CholeraJoe]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

[CholeraJoe]

Potterhead Ping.

[Tijeras_Slim]

And that's just the good parts!

[Tax-chick]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Oh, no ... not THAT!

[The Blitherer]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Woohoo!!! Bring it on!

[Tijeras_Slim]

interracial dating

Who's going out with a muggle? Did I miss something?

[Young Werther]

Hermione snuck into Equus and worked her magic for Harry. From back stage the audience could hear her incantation:

Penis Erectus!

[TChris]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

I've read all of the books so far, and I don't recall examples of some accusations in your list. Some of them, yes, but not all of them. Do you have examples?

Also, the Holy Bible doesn't fare well under your standards either.

[Dead Corpse]

Good triumphs over evil.

Yeah... can't have any of that now can we. Might give kids ideas.

[Tax-chick]

Probably some minor character I didn't notice.

[Tax-chick]

One of the Weasley twins went to the dance in "Goblet of Fire" with Angelica-something, who's black. And Harry and Ron took the Patil twins, who are Indian.

Not that it matters ... CJ was making a joke.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Arabella "The Wild Squib" Figg, from her younger days doing table dances at the Leaky Cauldron. The tips kept her cats fed.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Ginny and Dean, Ron and Lavender.

[Tax-chick]

That must have been where she met the Prince of Sweden.

Hermione had a fling with a Slav. Is that "interracial," or just bad judgment?

[TChris]

CJ was making a joke.

You're sure? I know there are plenty of folks who swear that Harry Potter is Satan himself.

[Tax-chick]

I thought Lavender was British, although I can't say I paid her a lot of attention, since she's a cipher.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Hermione had a fling with a Slav. Is that "interracial," or just bad judgment?

Yeah, a fling, but he wasn't a "Keeper." :)

[Tanniker Smith]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Nice summation. Reminds me of how I used to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer containing all the things that the Church says I shouldn't believe in, like vampires, werewolves, witches and lesbians. (*)
8-)

TS
(*) It's a joke, not a discussion starter, so don't hijack the thread with responses.

[Tax-chick]

Yes, I'm sure. I'm drawing a blank on the voyeurism, but it's probably there. Maybe he means the ghosts.

[GreenLanternCorps]

I once read an amusing fan fiction story on the internet that had an adult Harry Potter meeting and falling in love with Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) without either one realizing who the other one really was.

And the irony is I'm not a fan of either series...

[Tijeras_Slim]

There's blacks in Britain, even some shhhhh.... muslims. Thankfull the ROP doesn't show up in the wizarding world, they'd be natural death eaters.

[MeanWestTexan]

"More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating "

Why is "interracial dating" on your list?

[Tijeras_Slim]

Myrtle checking out Harry.

[RedCell]

Wish there was a spoiler alert on this. Any chance the mods can put one on there?

[TChris]

Yes, I'm sure.

Good. These days, it's just nice to find FReepers left who still have a sense of humor. They seem rare now. :-/

[Little Ray]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Sounds like a good action / adventure story for kids to me...

[Junior]

Since when is interracial dating a crime?

[Tax-chick]

I'd noticed the lack of Moslems. The author fears for her life, perhaps, having observed the unfortunate case of Salman Rushdie.

[Tijeras_Slim]

No spoilers here, just fan conjecture.

[Tax-chick]

OH, right. That was funny.

[MeanWestTexan]

OK, read the thread. Joke. Nevermind.

Was just on a Ron Paul (the RINO surrender monkey) supporter thread -- they would have made that post seriously.

[Tax-chick]

Sounds interesting.

[The Blitherer]

Good triumphs over evil. Yeah... can't have any of that now can we. Might give kids ideas.

Or the underlying "Attack terrorists before they attack you" message. Or the "putting your head in the sand doesn't change the fact that evil exists" message.

[aft_lizard]

and interracial dating >>>

Bob Jones is that you?

[Tax-chick]

They seem rare now.

I sympathize.

[CholeraJoe]

Murder - Harry's Parents, Emmeline Vance, Susan Bones, Gideon & Fabian Prewitt, and Professor Quirrel who Harry killed with his bare hands.

Torture - Neville parents were tortured into insanity and both Harry and Neville have been on the receiving end of the Cruciatus curse.

Kidnapping - Ginny Weasley was kidnapped by Tom Riddle and Alastor Moody was kidnapped by Barty Crouch, Jr.

Theft - Fred and George Weasley stole the Marauder's map from Filch. Mundungus Fletcher stole virtually everything of value from 12 Grimauld Place.

Voyeurism - Moaning Myrtle gleefully watches Harry undress and bathe in Goblet of Fire.

Child Abuse - The Dursley's treatment of Harry (beatings, starvation, isolation.)

Animal Cruelty - A rare Basilisk, perhaps the last of its kind had its eyes pecked out and was stabbed to death. Dozens of rare acromantulas were crushed beneath the wheels of a 1960 Ford Anglia in the Dark Forest. Hedwig was injured on purpose, as was Buckbeak.

Interracial dating - Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson, Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory, Harry and Parvati Patil, Ron and Padma Patil, Harry and Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley and Michael Corner, Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas.

[aft_lizard]

The cloak of invisibility gave them some voyeurism moments.

[Tax-chick]

Interracial dating - Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson, Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory, Harry and Parvati Patil, Ron and Padma Patil, Harry and Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley and Michael Corner, Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas.

See, Joe doesn't think Lavender is black. Although I suppose being pink could be a minority ethnicity ... (Zot, that was too dumb even for me :-).

[Calpernia]

>>>More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

I must have seen different movies and books than you.

[TChris]

Ahh. Tax-Chick was right. It was the nasty ghost doing the peeping!

Darned ghosts...

...and I weep nightly for the poor basilisk.

Thanks for the refs!

[Kimmers]

We had some people in our church that got their underwear in a bunch over the Harry Potter series. It seems to be in the same genre as the Narnia series, good triumphing over evil.

Our family read the series. I loved the idea that we as a family could have discussions about the books.

[ahayes]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Umm . . . please tell me we're playing "one of these things is not like the others."

[Tax-chick]

I'd forgotten about the basilisk. That's not my favorite movie.

See y'all, time to take my kids to church.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Professor Quirrel

Hey, Quirrel was self defense. But you missed Cedric Diggory and Ol' Frank the groundskeeper of the Riddle house, and Barty Crouch Sr.

Theft, boomslang skin and lacewing flies.

Dozens of rare acromantulas were crushed beneath the wheels of a 1960 Ford Anglia

The horror, the horror!

Interracial dating- And Bill's marrying that Frenchy!

[Calpernia]

You sure have studied the stories for someone that doesn't seem to like them.

None of that was even retained by me.

Except for the poisonous snake. I would kill something that was trying to kill me too. That isn't torture, it is self defense.

[CholeraJoe]

In the two movies (Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire) in which Jennifer Smith has appeared as Lavender Brown, she's a tall girl with long brown hair and blue eyes.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Have some of Sybil's cooking sherry... :)

[Caipirabob]

Since when is interracial dating a crime?

The same as always, when her father catches you "compromised"...

[CholeraJoe]

Where did you get the impression that I don't like them? I've read every book at least 3 times and watched the movies repeatedly. I was baiting the Potter haters

[RadioAstronomer]

interracial dating

I personally dated a black woman. Do you have a problem with that?