Interesting thoughts. Probably what the kids are interpreting being left in daycare is that their parents don't want them and if your own parents don't want you, who does? Every kid knows that parents are supposed to love and want their own children, at least, even if they can't stand anyone else's.
Mostly true except it is important to remember children do no interpret things like adults do. Adults interpret according to a frame of reference, a context, and can deal with rejection by saying, hey, I don't care, you reject me, so I reject you. So there. This is healthy.
When the only frame of reference, the only context a child has IS the rejection, the child is unable to escape. It is not a thing that happened, to be coped with. It becomes a status like slave, low class, ugly, stupid, dork, but in our case, rejected by parent. It becomes who we are and affects our lives and choices. Yes as you said we accept our judgement as not good enough and will opt out of opportunities for social growth because we don't feel we meet the prerequisite. That is for other "acceptable" people. Risk aversion is another sign, for kids who don't make friends easily, it might be because the kids already don't feel worthy, dread future rejection and find it easier just not to get involved in the first place.
Something else I find, kids don't analyze how much power they have, it just is what it is. But kids whose parents are neglectful, have a feeling I can remember back as powerlessness, but those who experience it in real time won't be able to name it. Kids see "acceptable" peers as more powerful, therefore threatening, and will keep an emotional if not spacial distance to stay safe.
Parents are in an unique position of power and can get away with things that are awful and the younger kids won't complain because they are dependent and don't want to make it worse on themselves. If it is bad enough it is a type of stockholm syndrome with your own parents.
But speaking of power, if I had any sense of power when I was 8, the day my mother sat me down to tell me she was divorcing my dad, I put on a falsely brave face and accepted it. I wish instead I told her, you leave dad, and you lose me forever. You better hope things go damn well with that other bunch because if they don't you aren't going to have me to fall back on. Talking back to a parent like that can be intimidating.
I recall the military has a thing now that recruits can hand the drill instructor a red card indicating too much stress as a sign the DI should go easy. I'm thinking of something like that for kids.
I have had the idea to have a free online kit, of cards, for kids that age that I wish I had myself, to hand to mom, and dad, when they announce the divorce, to let them know where they'll stand for doing that. No, I won't take care of you and make sure you are comfortable in your old age. You forfeit that. No, I won't love, like, nor even tolerate step sisters, step brothers, step anything. I accept only my natural brothers and sisters, my natural mother and father, married, living under one roof, our home. No exceptions. Anything to give these kids a little power. Since the state has written them off anyway.
I can't speak for anyone but me. I don't recall ever thinking my Mom didn't want me, I just knew I missed her, and in fact WORRIED about her when she was gone. Sounds silly now, as an adult, but I really felt like something might happpen to her while I wasn't around. It was a very devestating feeling. I never told her about it. BTW I had a great relationship with my Mom until her death in 2000.
susie