Former Vice President today issued a public apology for the recent freeze in many sections of the United States.
“While getting me a midnight snack, Tipper left the door open on our coal-burning 10,000 square foot drive-in kitchen freezer here in our 60,000 square foot Nashville mansion. Just as soon as I eat down the recent 10,000 pound shipment of frozen pork BBQ, we should be able to get the door closed and warm the country up to seasonal levels.
“Be assured that I’m buying carbon credits for every BTU.”
“And let me remind you that all the scientific evidence on global warming suggests that had this not happened, temperatures in the nation would be averaging 156 degrees.”
To assure this doesn’t happen again, Gore stated that he’s installing a lock box on the freezer door.”