Posted on 04/22/2007 10:20:47 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Conventional wisdom has long held that a strong and silent man is unlikely to ask for help when he needs it, putting him at a disadvantage when he's hurt.
Following a trauma, the theory goes that these kinds of men clam up emotionally, are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs and avoid showing they're vulnerable in any way.
But new research from the University of Missouri-Columbia shows that "manly" men may in fact benefit from sticking to this traditional notion of masculinity, particularly when it comes to recovering from serious injuries.
In Pictures: How To Kick That Spare Tire In Pictures: America's Most Luxurious Gyms The small exploratory study, published last year in the American Psychological Association's journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, found this group showed a greater improvement from the time they were initially hospitalized to one year after they left the hospital.
"Guys who are tough or have a clear vision of what they want strive for success and status," says Glenn Good, associate professor of educational, school and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri and co-author of the study. "Maybe that gives them motivation to work harder and persist longer."
The Study
Participants in the study included 52 men, ages 18 to 91, who'd experienced traumatic brain or spinal cord injuries and were undergoing rehabilitation. The majority had a high school education and two-thirds were employed. They each responded to more than 175 questions or statements about their masculinity, attitudes toward seeking psychological assistance, abilities to perform daily tasks, barriers preventing them from doing what they want and overall life satisfaction.
Bad news at the doc's office? Here's what you need to know when you get a troubling diagnosis. The results did show, as you might expect, that those who believed men should restrict expression of their emotions were less in favor of seeking psychological help.
But there also was a connection between men who conformed to masculine norms, such as a tendency toward self-reliance and risk-taking, and those who reported fewer barriers to functioning in their communities. While the findings need further study, one possible explanation is that feeling manly helped the men overcome adversity and persevere, as though nothing could stop them from conquering a goal.
"It may help them say, 'Despite the fact that life as I knew it is over, I have this goal of being able to stand up or walk, and I want to make sure I achieve that,'" Good says.
Overcoming Injury
Irmo Marini, a professor in health sciences and human services at the University of Texas-Pan American, thinks the study is on to something.
Marini fractured his neck in 1981 at age 23 when he was playing hockey for Lakehead University in Thunder Bay, Ontario. In an instant, he went from being an able-bodied athlete to being a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic. But a year after his injury, he says, he found that sense of discipline and need to succeed he'd felt as an athlete returning. For instance, because he can't fully grip with his hands, Marini ties tensor bandages around his wrists and hands to hold weights so he can lift. That stubbornness, often associated with machismo, paid off.
"It's almost like, for myself and some others I know, we've taken the physical discipline we had before our injuries and turned it into mental discipline," he says.
Marini, who has a Ph.D. in rehabilitation counseling from Auburn University, says people with military experience tend to have this sense of discipline too. He also believes the benefits of this way of thinking might extend to people with lesser injuries.
Stressed out? Click here to see why some say seeing the glass as half full can benefit your health. If you're not particularly manly, Good says it's possible that some men in rehabilitation recovering from injuries could try to pick up the behavior, since masculinity is something men learn through socialization. But he adds a note of caution.
"Being a real tough authoritarian kind of guy might be helpful on the football team, or if you're a policeman or military officer," he says. "But it also can make you a bad partner or father. Having some flexibility about when you implement this is important."
On that sad note FRiends...I have to go. It's after 5AM...Wow. Nice conversation. See ya.
You said — “Which begs the question, why couldn’t the pros pick up on the severity previous to the tragedy? Probably because he was nonverbal with them as well. I wonder if he ever spoke to anyone or trusted anyone? I doubt it.”
Well, he was pschiatrically evaluated when his dorm-mate said he was suicidal. There was a temporary confinement and then an evaluation. He was determined not to be a threat, given medicine (which, by the way, he took the morning he did the shooting; as he did every morning). I think that happened over a year earlier.
It doesn’t seem that he did trust anyone. I doubt he ever confided in a single person.
silent yes strong no.
If it's that rough you ought to be shooting the sh*t with a bro or two--someone you can really trust.
You can't hide from your problems any better than you can run from yourself, and that is where the bottle (or whatever) won't hack it. My sense of humor is what has saved my butt a couple of times--I learned to laugh it off, but that does not work with everything.
But beneath it all, I have faith that God isn't going to throw anything at me he doesn't give me the resources and ability to deal with. I might have to work at it some, but it's all there.
As long as my needs are covered, there is time for my 'wants', and as I get older, most of the 'wants' turn out to be fairly unimportant, anyway.
I figure if this wasn't where God wanted me, doing what He wanted me to do, I'd be somewhere else doing something else.
You said — “silent yes strong no.”
That’s one of the problems that people have evaluating who Cho is. Most think in a normal and socially-acceptable cultural sense. And so, “strong” in that sense would (with some people at least) convey a good meaning.
However, removed from its moral and cultural boundaries and just used in a “neutral” connotation, you could say he was silent and strong.
As I say, it’s hard to evaluate when he doesn’t fit the socially-acceptable norms. Our words actually convey those socially acceptable norms inside their meanings.
If we wanted your opinion we'd beat it out of you. Before we waterboard you. Us manly men strike matches on our whisker stubble, drink bourbon straight, and rassle bars afore breakfast. We fit in the war and spit in the soup. Been to Maine, Spain, Spokane, three county fairs and a goat...ropin'. I am the manliest of the manly men. Just don't tell my wife. She'd whup me if she found out how manly I am.
LOL!
Women are talkers and love the social circle. Men are DOERS, and understand the need to just get the job done without a great deal of fuss. Deal with it.
No worries, I always gut them first, am not one for unnecessary theatrics, and have no need to display the antlers -let the children have them as playthings. Just make sure that steak is on tonight and at least as thick as the one you see on those 'Outback' commercials -and still sizzling as it hits the plate!
I know what his problem is. Give him this advice; for the most part women are attracted to manly men because of the biological drive to find a protector for herself and her offspring, and someone who clearly IS a protector will catch her interest. He is going to have to choose whether he wants to be the possible partner for the next girl he meets or just their 'guy-friend'. AFTER he has re-charted his actions and is comfortable being a protector, then he can occasionally drop back into 'close-friend' mode -just NOT all the time.
Ahem; you=your. Typing too fast. *grin*
"Conventional wisdom has long held that a strong and silent man is unlikely to ask for help when he needs it, putting him at a disadvantage when he's hurt.Well, to begin with, this is BALONEY!"Following a trauma, the theory goes that these kinds of men clam up emotionally, are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs and avoid showing they're vulnerable in any way."
"Conventional wisdom" is a trendy catchphrase for the simple-minded, that refers to a paradigm--which is an illusion, of course--in which unintelligent people who want to be fashionable (that means something important to them--but not to the rest of us) choose to imprison their dull and unimaginative minds.
Now these are the facts (bury "conventional wisdom" in the garbage dump and drive a stake through its heart):
If anybody wants to know what a man is or what manliness is--here I am!I am a man--a manly man--and I serve as the gold standard of manliness and define manliness--and, though many are as manly, no one is more manly than I am (when somebody starts telling me what manliness is, I feel my mind shift into neutral and my eyes begin to glaze over),
And I, the gold standard, am strong, very strong, but no one has ever accused me of being silent;
I definitely and frequently ask for help--routinely when I need it, often when I don't, and particularly when I'm hurt;
I put myself at no unnecessary disadvantage; in fact, I have been EXTREMELY successful in life--in every possible way--by seizing advantage whenever possible and generally ignoring appearances (which take care of themselves);
I don't clam up emotionally; in fact, I let it all hang out, love passionately, weep bitterly, express anger furiously and appropriately, love kindness and gentleness, hate cruelty, am sexually uninhibited, (experienced), unconstrained, and downright noisy, and am generally free, expressive, open, and available emotionally (I have been accused--accurately--of shocking candor);
I have never abused alcohol or drugs--never will--and have no inclination to do so;
And when I'm vulnerable, everybody knows it--especially my protective, brilliant, and loving wife!
So whoever wrote this blurb is either dim-witted or out of touch with reality or--more likely--both!
As always,
The Superman--and The Savage BeastP.S. To hell with those miserable dolts who seek to define what's manly. If anybody wants to know, ask me. (Or if you're a man, look inside yourself.)
"Ahhh....because it's normal?"
Yes! And so much fun!!!
"Wow...my brilliance just overwhelms me at times."
Me too, Earth!
Ain't it great to be a man?!??!!!
Right you are, Toph!
I love my children. They are everything to me! I grieve over the mistakes I have made. I adore them. I protect them. I am their soft place to land. And, of greatest importance, I respect (and love) their mother.
Can you imagine speaking to your child in the manner in which this Baldwin man has been accused of speaking to his daughter? I wouldn't allow such language in the presence of my daughter--let alone be spoken to her--and it is unthinkable that I would speak to her like that myself. IF the accusations are correct--so much for his manliness!
There are natural differences between men and women. The differences complement each other. In some ways, men and women have the same strengths, but in some ways, women are strong where men are not, and men are strong where women are not.
Don't overlook individual variations.
I don't like to talk about bodily functions (except sexual ones). My wife is wonderful with scrapbooks and photo albums, but I love to look at them when she has prepared them. I go shopping to get something--not to browse; my wife always knows what's available. I've always focused on financial solvency and prosperity; I guess that's sticking to work. I hate politics but (obviously) can't seem to ignore it. I have little interest in cars. I don't like sports at all.
But that's just me. Other men have their own preferences and inclinations. People are not alike. Everybody's unique.
Other #1 reason - I love being a manly man myself. It's me. It's great. (And, yes, women love me. And I love 'em back!)
95% of the angst over these gender-identity issues would simply vanish if people stopped watching television. ;)
My wife is an excellent cook, a version of her wonderful aesthetic sense, but she hates to cook. I'm not much, but I don't mind. Often, I fix dinner while she sits and talks to me--or reads--or does whatever she wants to do. That's one burdon I can easily lift from her.
I've never understood men who want to make servants of their wives. I'd rather she rest up and get in the mood to make love to me! I can pay a maid. I could pay for sex. But to win her love and for her to make love to me and to make me happy!--I love her and do my best to make her happy. Whatever it requires, it's worth it!
SHE and her husband...
"My dearly departed grandmother taught my brother and I how to crochet..."
...my brother and ME...
Sorry.
BTW, your 5th grade school teacher is on the way to your house right now, with a knuckle-wrapping ruler in one hand and a dunce cap in the other! Be afraid! Be very afraid! Try hiding under the bed.
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