Dear Alec:
Please accept the following advice.
Call it quits with Kim. Leave Ireland alone. Yes, that probably doesn’t seem just to you. But there’s no chance whatsoever that any of you can make forward progress in your present circumstances.
Write Ireland a loving and thoughtful letter. Tell her you are leaving her life for now, but that your door is always open. Tell her you hope that once she is an adult, and has some time on her side, that she will be open to having a positive, loving relationship with her father, and that you commit to being open to a relationship on her terms in the future.
“Finalize” Kim legally and don’t look back. If your desire all these years has been to “hurt” her and make her pay, believe me, removing yourself from her life completely will leave her with nothing to focus on and no outlet for her hatred. Then work on getting rid of your own hatred.
Move on. If your daughter wants a relationship with her father later in life, she will pursue it. Be there for her then.
It might have been better to let the A-Hole figure it out for himself!