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D.C. twits learn tricks of trade up
Boston Herald ^ | 5/2/07 | Howie Carr

Posted on 05/02/2007 9:07:26 AM PDT by raccoonradio

First, a prediction about the impending release of the D.C. madam’s client list:

Barney Frank will not be implicated in this sex scandal.

But when will these fools in Washington ever learn? They think they’re so damn smart, but they gave their cell phone numbers to a madam - a convicted pimp, no less, whose boyfriend once had a restraining order out on her.

Two words, smart guys: trade up. Never do, or say, anything incriminating to anyone who can trade you up to the prosecutors if or when, and it’s always when, they get lugged.

Don’t they teach such basic life lessons in the schools anymore? By the 10th grade, every youth should know never to say anything to anybody that he or she wouldn’t mind reading in transcript form on the front page of the newspaper.

But these Beltway boobs couldn’t be bothered with simple precautions, and now they’re busted. A convicted pimp has their cell phone numbers, and guess what. She’s trying to trade up.

Imagine how many names and cell phone numbers ABC News must have if they can hold off, in the middle of ratings sweeps, for days, until a Friday night, when hardly anyone is watching TV. Must be a lot of Democrats among the johns.

If only they had heeded the immortal words of former West End boss Martin Lomasney: Never write when you can speak. Never speak when you can nod. Never nod when you can wink.

And never, ever give a pimp your cell phone number. And nowadays when somebody mentions looking for love in all the wrong places, that includes the Internet. Just as that nice hit man you hire to kill your spouse invariably turns out to be an undercover state cop, that 13-year-old in the chatroom is likewise a member of the local constabulary. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel, even Miss America is getting into the Internet act.

When he was mayor of Cincinnati, Jerry Springer wrote a check to a prostitute. That was mistake No. 1. Mistake No. 2 was, the check bounced. In Springer’s case, it turned out to be a great career move. But most guys ensnared in scandals like this end up moving back home with their parents.

Every day it’s a new scandal. Last week it was the coach of the female BC hockey team. His career was ended by X-rated text messages from his top player. Then there was the married Pepsi executive, fired from his $6 million job after a woman he was going after on the Internet suddenly decided she needed some cash. That was in the paper yesterday, along with a TV babe who got caught sending photos of herself in a bikini to a married cameraman.

Guess what - the lensman and his spouse had a joint e-mail account. How quaint is that!

Unlike Vegas, what happens on the Internet does not stay on the Internet. Lovin’ here, livin’ there, lyin’ in between - it’s never been easy, but it seems like your average hack used to take more precautions.

The rule at the State House was very simple. Your girlfriend never worked for you. She worked for the chairman of another legislative committee, and in return, you employed his girlfriend. The same rules, in other words, that clerk-magistrates use in hiring one another’s offspring.

If you’re in TV, never let the girlfriend stand behind you in a liveshot.

Whatever line of work you’re in, don’t “mentor” anyone of the opposite sex. On second thought, don’t mentor anyone, period.

Here’s how that was explained to me many years ago by a pol at City Hall: If they see you twice with a woman, you’re bleeping her. If they see you twice with a guy, you’re gay. If they see you twice with a drink, you’re a drunk.

And if all else fails, there’s always saltpeter.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: howiecarr; madam

1 posted on 05/02/2007 9:07:31 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: Andonius_99; Andy'smom; Big Guy and Rusty 99; bitt; Barset; Carolinamom; Cheapskate; danno3150; ...

Howie column ping


2 posted on 05/02/2007 9:08:54 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio

Dam.......it’s gettin so a guy can’t have any fun any more without being on someone elses list.


3 posted on 05/02/2007 9:11:49 AM PDT by RC2
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To: raccoonradio

Old proverb:

Never give a man a club, if there is any chance he might use it on you...........


4 posted on 05/02/2007 9:14:57 AM PDT by Red Badger (My gerund got caught in my diphthong, and now I have a dangling participle...............)
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To: RC2

I wonder if any of these guys ever heard the old proverb,”A smart fox doesn’t eat his chickens too close to home”?


5 posted on 05/02/2007 9:17:23 AM PDT by Farmer Dean (Every time a toilet flushes,another liberal gets his brains.)
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To: raccoonradio
No one with such a lack of judgment as to trust their fate to a hooker deserves to hold public office-the utter lack of discipline and self control, not to mention character, is unforgivable.
6 posted on 05/02/2007 9:18:01 AM PDT by Spok
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To: raccoonradio
Several Washingtonians will/should join the illustrious ranks of previous winners of this competition:


7 posted on 05/02/2007 9:20:03 AM PDT by Reaganesque
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To: Reaganesque

!!!! One of the funniest Monty Python sketches of all time!


8 posted on 05/02/2007 9:21:01 AM PDT by Hemingway's Ghost (Spirit of '75)
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To: raccoonradio

I disagree with a lot of this column... and I think everyone here should too. He explains over and over that you should never do anything wrong if you might get caught.

That is sleazy. The correct response is just never do anything wrong.

The one thing he got right was when he said ‘never do anything you would not want to see on the news’. That is good advice.


9 posted on 05/02/2007 9:30:54 AM PDT by Mr. K (Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help)
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To: raccoonradio

BUMP!


10 posted on 05/02/2007 9:34:58 AM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: Mr. K

Never read Howie before?
You have to take Howie’s column’s in their proper context in order to get the wit and the laughs. When he writes, he is often in character as a friendly advisor to scumbag politicians. He doesn’t advocate doing the wrong thing - - he just presumes that doing the wrong thing is a way of life for the scumbag politicians and Howie is just trying to be “helpful”.

Regards,
LH


11 posted on 05/02/2007 9:41:19 AM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: Mr. K

> I disagree with a lot of this column... and I think everyone here should too. He explains over and over that you should never do anything wrong if you might get caught.

He’s making fun of the pols, not dispensing advice to you and me. As a journalist Carr has made a career of exposing political fraud and corruption and written a book on the close ties of politicians to the Boston mob.


12 posted on 05/02/2007 9:43:26 AM PDT by cloud8
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To: raccoonradio

Reportedly she told her hoes to not keep records. She seems to have done so strictly for blackmail.


13 posted on 05/02/2007 10:06:35 AM PDT by weegee (Libs want us to learn to live with terrorism, but if a gun is used they want to rewrite the Const.)
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To: RC2

Wonder which clients are in her “top 5” cellphone plan.


14 posted on 05/02/2007 10:07:56 AM PDT by weegee (Libs want us to learn to live with terrorism, but if a gun is used they want to rewrite the Const.)
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To: raccoonradio
"Imagine how many names and cell phone numbers ABC News must have if they can hold off, in the middle of ratings sweeps, for days, until a Friday night, when hardly anyone is watching TV. Must be a lot of Democrats among the johns."

There's a safe bet!

15 posted on 05/02/2007 10:33:58 AM PDT by danno3150
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To: Mr. K

This is Massachusetts, to be a pol is a good predictor of future felon status. Everyone is for sale, fairly cheap too. If you are looking for honesty and intelligence in a legislative body don’t look at the Great and General Court of the Commonwealth.


16 posted on 05/02/2007 10:38:47 AM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: Lancey Howard; cloud8

hmm OK - I get it now. Much more enjoyable this way.


17 posted on 05/02/2007 10:45:06 AM PDT by Mr. K (Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help)
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To: raccoonradio
did someone just say twits?


18 posted on 05/02/2007 11:04:23 AM PDT by MuttTheHoople
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To: Little Bill

Howie’s Brothers Bulger book mentioned a whole bunch of
legislators in the old says who had “a photo finish with a grand jury”.
Rules of MA politics:
Nothing on the level.
Everything is a deal.
No deal too small.


19 posted on 05/02/2007 11:16:25 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio

old DAYS


20 posted on 05/02/2007 11:16:40 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio

>>Barney Frank will not be implicated in this sex scandal.

But give him time and there will be a sex scandal for him.
Actually there was one, years ago.

Barney does have to be complimented for a couple good
one liners though, talking about the plan to depress
the Central Artery (aka the $15 billion Big Dig):
“Depress the Central Artery? Wouldn’t it be cheaper and
easier to raise the city?”

“If they want to depress the Central Artery they should just have Mike Dukakis talk to it.”


21 posted on 05/02/2007 11:18:43 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio; maryz
In the old day's, I don't think it has changed. You made a "on top contribution" to the local pols Bag Man, say $250 bucks. If you wanted something you went on the pad or paper for say $500+ the $250.

But and this is very important you needed a second person to verify the $500 under. Moakley, according to unnamed friends, kept a note book.

22 posted on 05/02/2007 12:40:04 PM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: Little Bill

I didn’t know that! At least I didn’t know the specifics. I did, of course, assume that paying off the politicians was just a cost of doing business in MA. (Which is why I just yawned over Big Dig contractors “donating” to the pols — if they hadn’t, they wouldn’t have been Big Dig contractors!)

I always thought Moakley was relatively honest, though, at least for a MA pol. I thought I read in the papers when he died that his estate consisted largely of his house — one of those nice big ones along the beach, to be sure — and nice at least until he redecorated (or whatever he’d call it), making it into a world-class eyesore!


23 posted on 05/02/2007 1:30:34 PM PDT by maryz
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To: maryz
Mary, a Dorchester Woman said this? I grabbed my heart in disbelief, I noticed a lot of qualifiers in your post.
24 posted on 05/02/2007 1:58:15 PM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: Little Bill

You mean me? I’m a Southie girl, born and bred! LOL!


25 posted on 05/02/2007 2:00:48 PM PDT by maryz
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To: Spok

“No one with such a lack of judgment as to trust their fate to a hooker deserves to hold public office-.....”

These are the horses @#sses to whom we have entrusted our national security...why am I now not suprised 911 happened?!!!


26 posted on 05/02/2007 2:08:37 PM PDT by mo
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To: maryz
I knew you were dancing around the issue, plausable denial, when they haul you before the Grand Jury, composed mainly of your cousins, "I don't Remember that."

On a different note, did you know Stan Sanuck?

27 posted on 05/02/2007 2:12:32 PM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: Little Bill

Never even heard the name I don’t think!


28 posted on 05/02/2007 2:13:39 PM PDT by maryz
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To: raccoonradio
Rule #1 in the "Keepin' It On The Down-Low Handbook" has always been;

"Never do it with someone who doesn't have as much to lose as you do."

Ignore this rule at your peril.

29 posted on 05/02/2007 2:15:40 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (Don't question faith. Don't answer lies.)
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To: maryz

Just wondering. His parents owned a Polish Market in Southie good friend, absolute mad man.


30 posted on 05/02/2007 2:22:34 PM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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