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Lawsuit to Form Backbone of Edwards’ Economic Strategy

The $10 dry cleaning bill for a pair of trousers that ballooned into a $67 million civil lawsuit was cited by presidential candidate and former Senator John Edwards (D-NC) as “an example for how we can restore economic justice and prosperity to America.” “Here we have an individual who is standing up against exploitation by an unscrupulous business and fighting for his rights,” Edwards exclaimed. “His fight is both an inspiration and a model for the way America will operate if I am its next president.”

The lawsuit was launched by Roy Pearson, a judge and lawyer in Washington, D.C., when a dry cleaner lost his favorite trousers. “I cannot convey to you how devastated I am by this cruel abuse of my fundamental human rights,” Pearson says in his court filing. “I had planned to wear these pants on my first day on the bench after my appointment as a judge. This once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was stolen from me. My life has been irreparably diminished as a result.”

Named in the suit are Korean immigrants Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own “Custom Cleaners” and two other dry cleaning shops in Washington, D.C.

Pearson claims to be so traumatized by the experience that “I may never be able to trust another human being again.” “I am hoping that I can begin to piece my life back together,” said Pearson. “It is essential that I be awarded sufficient means to do so. It is also important that we send a stern message to corporate wrongdoers so that others will not have to go through what I’ve had to suffer.”

“Cracking down on this type of abuse by this dry-cleaner will enable my administration to implement social justice without having to raise taxes,” Edwards said. “It’s a simple process of transferring money from wealthy undeserving miscreants to injured and underprivileged victims. If we can do this on a broad enough scale, poverty will be a thing of the past.”

Calling his plan a “no-brainer,” Edwards admitted to being a little embarrassed that it took him so long to see that lawsuits like this could be the key to revitalizing the economy. “I’m kicking myself for not glomming onto this idea sooner,” Edwards said. “After all, I’ve been deeply involved in similar legal actions that have turned out to be very rewarding. I guess I was too narrowly focused on my own success.”

Edwards observed that a “byproduct of my plan for social justice is the fact that trial lawyers, the hard-working backbone of our society, will likely be assured of full-employment. It’s a real win-win scenario for America.”