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Howie’s column in today’s Herald

You’re Willard Mitt Romney, and now that everyone knows you’re worth maybe as much as $250 million, you won’t hear the end of it for a week, maybe longer.

People are already asking, if Mitt’s worth a quarter of a billion, how come he couldn’t afford to put Seamus the Irish setter in a kennel instead of up on the roof of the station wagon in a crate for an 800-mile ride?

And how come he made his son Josh buy the Winnebago that he drove around Iowa “serving” his country in - Mitt couldn’t have just signed over the title?

Not that the boys are hurting, you understand. They have a $100 million trust fund to dip into for incidentals such as a used Winnebago.

John McCain has the Hanoi Hilton, Mitt has Marriott.

Two hundred fifty million and Mitt still couldn’t find an American lawn crew to cut his grass in Belmont?

All that do-re-mi, but Mitt still made his 2002 running mate, Muffy, kick in a million of Sean Healey’s hard-earned money for their blind-date campaign for the governorship?

At least now the radio talk show hosts in Des Moines will have something new to bludgeon him with besides Mormonism. Mitt is the one major Republican who’s only been married once, but now it turns out, he could afford three, four, even five wives.

You’re Mitt Romney, and at least you worked for your money.

Unlike, say, John Kerry, who made his money the old-fashioned way. He married it.

You’re Mitt Romney and you never took a $500,000 book advance plus $300,000 in expenses from Rupert Murdoch, unlike a certain ambulance chaser from North Carolina.

You’re Mitt Romney, Harvard Business, Harvard Law. You never had to pass out business cards on Monday mornings in the first session of the BMC that said, “Reasonable doubt at a reasonable price.”

The problem with new money is that the nouveau riche who made it haven’t had sufficient time to launder it. Mitt is just old enough - 60 - and certainly smart enough, to have scrubbed everything clean. Unlike 1994, no unemployed factory workers from Indiana will be showing up at Romney rallies next year, that’s for sure.

And look who’s managing his money - the law firm of Ropes & Gray. Nice touch, Mitt, using the firm that Gov. Deval Patrick’s wife, Diane, is a partner in.

You’re Mitt Romney, and people don’t understand that there’s a downside to big money. The old cliche is true: You just can’t get good help anymore.

Just ask Jay Garrity.

And by the way, what’s wrong with owning a piece of the Yankees? That’s a good Republican outfit. George Steinbrenner went down on a campaign contribution to Nixon way back when, and A-Rod was a big W supporter in 2004. The Texas Rangers connection and all that.

You know, $250 million ain’t what it used to be. It won’t get you on the Forbes 400, that’s for sure.

You want to talk real money, take a look at New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who was ripping Mitt in the tabloids yesterday for his anti-illegal alien platform.

But the lead of the story was not: Billionaire Michael Bloomberg chastised multimillionaire Mitt Romney.

You’re Mitt Romney, and you have the house in Belmont, you used to have a cottage on the Cape, which you unloaded and bought the place on Lake Winnipesaukee, and of course the ski condo in Park City, Utah.

How come no real estate in Florida, Mitt? In some sunny place for shady people, as they say.

You’re Mitt Romney, and you’ve already loaned your campaign $9 million, but it could be worse, much worse. You could not have $9 million to spend on your campaign.