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Can’t speak for everyone, but for most of us it’s a bare minimum of:

Incredible MENSA+ level intelligence,

I can spell ~~MENAS~~ MENSA

fantastic wit,

Yup, that's me!

exceptionally good looks,

Uh, not really... No. Well, most of the time, women don't go running, screaming into the sunset when they lay eyes on me... Most of the time.

ability to complete the Sunday Times of London crossword puzzle, in pen, in 20 minutes,

Define "complete."

skill and stamina as a considerate lover,

Oh yeah... That's me all the way. Oh, you mean with someone else?

political consultant to at least one major media outlet,

I find myself yelling at the TV when I watch CSPAN, does that count?

expert marksmanship (probably a member of the President’s 100),

That's me, for sure, and I LOVE gun porn!

extended beer consumption experience,

Oh yeah, baby!

parachutist qualifications,

I know what a parachute is for... Does that count?

history of advising Hush Hefner on POY selection,

Yes, but he kept ignoring me. This year was a good one. And I keep telling him to ditch Kendra. She annoys me. But he's ignoring me on that one too.

at least a Comm/inst pilot’s license, if nor an ATR,

My father had a private pilot license, and he let me fly the plane between KC and Topeka when I was little (about 9 years old) and he gave me some "real" pilot wings. Does that count? I also threw up in my pilot cap when he was practicing stalls... I'll bet that pilot cap is still on the corner of a runway at White Plains airport in NY.

combat experience,

I used to LOVE that TV show, you know, Combat!

read, write and speak at least four languages fluently and conversational in at least an another four or five,

No, not really. In fact, sometimes I feel that I need to take a class in "English as a Second Language!

an advanced understanding of the Theory of Relativity

I love it when we talk Physics here. Then I get to dazzle everyone with just how much I know is wrong of how little I know about anything!

usually a tour with SF, SEALs, CIA, NSA, ASA, AFI, a Ranger company, USMC BLT, SAS, SBS, GS9, Spetnaz, the FFL, or the experience in at least five actual breaching operations as a senior member of a SWAT team in a major metropolitan area police department

I once practiced with the leader of the Lenexa, KS swat team. Got to fire his MP5s. He got to fire my Benelli Defender and 1911A1 "race gun." It was a fair trade

NASCAR-quality driving skills,

I can drive better than that... Because I know how to turn RIGHT too!

the ability to dead-reckoning navigate within 3 degrees accuracy on land, sea or air.

I can usually find my car in the mall parking lot, or at work.

certified SCUBA diver card-holder,

I once read a book on getting certified by DACOR.

Extra class ham radio operator,

MMMMMmmmmmm, HAM!

a very warm personality,

Yup, that's me... Warm... So warm, I've got a fever. And the only cure is MORE COWBELL!!!!!

great wealth,

Well, I am Jewish, after all

and.... oh yes.... overwhelming humility.

That's ME!!!!! I'M SO HUMBLE!!!!

I must be a FReeper!!!

Mark