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I am a bit conflicted about this story. First off, when my wife became pregnant, we carefully discussed whether to test for potential genetic problems. But doing so at the time carried a small, but not insignificant risk, of losing the baby. We didn’t want to take that risk, and decided that no matter how our child turned out, we would love him or her the best we could. Turned out that my son was born with Down Syndrome. We were extremely fortunate. Unlike many children with Down Syndrome, he is very healthy. He is also quite articulate and doing well in high school as a junior. But at 17 he is still a child, enjoying watching power rangers. Our life has revolved around our son in many ways, and our future is determined by him as well, because we find ourselves needing to retire to a community with the proper services to take care of him when we grow old and die. We will never have grandchildren. Our son will never have the kinds of contacts many young adults enjoy.

Would I change things if I could? In a heartbeat. Do I regret having my son? Not in the slightest. Paradoxical? Perhaps. But I love my son. He has given me so many joyous moments. How could I regret his first word, said in church, when he raised his arms to his mother and said “up”? Or his laughter when I tickled him? Or his hugs and heartfelt “I love you dad”, when I see him in the halls at school?

But there are many Down Syndrome children and adults not as fortunate as my son. Many are more profoundly retarded than he is, many have serious health problems. And not all Down Syndrome children are as socially outgoing as my son either. Despite the happy talk, Down Syndrome children can be just as mean and nasty as normal children. We have seen that here in our own small town.

So, when confronted with the possibility of a Down Syndrome child in your own life or family, think long and hard about what that child will mean to you, and you to him or her. Don’t sugarcoat the potential difficulties. Let me give you an example. When my son was 12 months old, we were communicating with him in sign language, because he had not started to talk yet. I saw a program on tv about Down Syndrome children, some of whom could barely talk. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably because I might never be able to talk with my son. Ever. If you can handle such a possibility (and there are many other issues you might have to confront with a Down Syndrome child), then perhaps you are prepared to have a Down Syndrome child in your life.