Posted on 10/30/2007 10:11:26 PM PDT by Santa Fe_Conservative
Edited on 10/30/2007 10:38:14 PM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
9 years old... where was my son at nine?
Oh, that's right! That's when he figured out how to make a fire by rubbing two sticks together! (He's the only person I've ever known that can actually do that.) Too bad he figured it out in the middle of my living room floor...
He then came running up to me with wide eyes, gasping, "I! Made! Fire!!"
By this time I was immune to such things and simply handed him the extinguisher I kept under the sink. He got three swats for starting a fire in my living room and never did it again. To be honest, he was more shocked that he actually did it than I was. (That was the same year he became a diabetic.)
This I believe! LMAO!!!
Any parent who locks up lighters and matches and keeps the key around their necks at all times would be considered a paranoid freak.
This attitude is why G-d didn't give you *my* son... lol!
I tried this with my kid. For a year I let him figure out every explosive he could with *my* supervision. He GOT THE MESSAGE that safety was first! When one of his concoctions blew a three foot crater in our driveway I called a halt to the whole thing.
Believe it or not, it worked. He got it out of his system and moved on to other things.
LMAO!! Give her a hug of me! Been there! Done that! (I always say my hubby married me *despite* my cooking, not because of it... but I got better! lol!)
Read my post #60. (I think you’ll like my kid! lol!)
Hmmm. Good question. They could've been smoking pot in the bedroom, but more likely...
Dad was at *WORK* and mom was...
A. ...doing laundry. (My son can start a fire with a couple of sticks and a piece of string in less than 3 minutes)
B. ...taking a shower (Damn her for for wanting to be clean!)
C. ...allowing her 9 year old son to play by himself in the back yard because she had made the mistake of believing that he was old enough to be trusted for half an hour without supervision...
You pick.
When you were a kid, did you not do something you felt truly awful about? Can you not remember the horrible feelings of guilt and shame? Can you not remember the gift of forgiveness and how that grace felt? What in the heck do you expect from a 9 year old?? A kid this age has *no* way of coping with the magnitude of their actions. Their brains can *NOT* wrap around these consequences.
Imagine, if you will, lighting a match (you've seen others lighting matches. Doesn't seem so hard.) then having the whole planet coming down on you for starting WWIII. It would be too horrible, too huge for you to even get a grip on.
Adults need to stop putting ADULT perceptions onto children. Can none of you *remember*?? Why is it so hard for people to *get this*??
Tell you what Marie, when that little whipper snapper lights a fire that burns down 1500 homes at a loss of upwards of a billion dollars and your family is facing the litigation involved to fight of 1500 separate suits, please drop me a note to damn me for actually giving a fig what happens to you.
Wow! You WERE busy! And I thought my boys gave me little rest. I grew up with girls and have only now (after rearing two stepsons and our two younger sons) have I gotten used to the things boys do. It’s as if the urge to get into whatever peaks their curiosity far outweighs any consideration of consequences.
Oh, how sad. this poor boy will never be the same. A huge fire that destroys many homes and even kills 4 people AND his father looses his job! I agree with Marie—a child playing with matches should be considered a natural disaster.
what’s it like to be perfect? ‘cause I’d sure like to know. You MUST live alone. I don’t know how anyone could ever measure up to your expectations. If not, I’d like to meet the two perfect people on the planet. Would you have someone arrange an audience with you for me me someday? /sarcasm.
What I'm saying is that I don't consider my kid that unusual. What happened is horrible. It's tragic. It's sad.
But it could've happened to many, *many* healthy, happy families. It was a terrible combination of the child, the parents, the timing, the wind, the drought, the brush... of this *year* in southern California that made *this* fire (out of many) happen.
I cannot see the logic or the justification for crucifying the kid or the parents for something that could've happened so easily to others. (And I *know* there are many parents reading this story with their hair standing up on end, looking at their kid and cringing.)
We prosecute to punish. We prosecute to protect society from those who would do harm. This kid has to live with the consequences of his actions and that is probably punishment enough. Odds are, this kid had no intention to burn down 1500 homes. (Or even one, for that matter.) I doubt he'll do it again.
My original objection was that you implied that a good parent can prevent a child from any serious fault. Kids have accidents all the time and most of the time it's just that; a horrible accident. We don't cast blame every single time something bad happens. Such is life.
Why is this different from the thousands (millions?) of other times kids have played with matches? Because more people were affected? How can a child fully understand that? How can a kid digest *these* consequences and learn to live with it? What do you want to happen? Do you want the kid thrown in juvenile detention? You want his life ruined? Would you prefer his parents thrown in prison and the family broken up? How 'bout just throwing the family into bankruptcy? Would that teach this 9 year old his lesson to your satisfaction?
In the end, we're looking at the same *action* that many, *many* other kids have done. It just had a different outcome. The boy played with matches.
(Just for the record, I never "damned" you for a damn thing. And, from your original post, I didn't see you "giving a fig" about the family's troubles at all.)
Yupper! It's like the stupid fire-in-my-living room situation. He was so impressed with himself for actually making fire with sticks that it didn't occur to him that it was a bad thing even as my carpet was turning from blue to chocolate. (Ten minutes later he was in sorrowful tears. Took awhile to hit.)
And these aren't evil children. They're just a bit slow when it comes to thinking things through.
You didn’t place sani-flush, bleach, other cleaning agents out of the reach of your young children? Really?
That’s all this amounts to. You give your kids age specific responsibility. You don’t ask them to be pefect. That’s what this all about.
I have advocated that matches be stored so that young kids won’t have to make certain choices, that could cause them, you, the whole family, the neighbors and the region harm.
Your response is to trash me for acting as if I am perfect, and preaching down to you. Tell me, do you think all firemen act as if they were perfect when they advocate the same things I have?
I’ve seldom seen people go so freaking wild because someone offered a suggestion that would spare their children a terrible lifetime burden.
How’s this scenario sound? Instead of starting the Castaic fire, this kid or another set the San Diego fire that burned down 1500 homes with a value of $1 billion dollars.
When the fire chief and the local County Sheriff come to you door, they ask how the child got the matches. Then you stand there with a puffed up look on your face and say, “Well what did you expect, me to lock up the matches?” What are you two, perfect or something?
Good luck lady.
What I'm saying is that I don't consider my kid that unusual. What happened is horrible. It's tragic. It's sad.
But it could've happened to many, *many* healthy, happy families. It was a terrible combination of the child, the parents, the timing, the wind, the drought, the brush... of this *year* in southern California that made *this* fire (out of many) happen.
Marie, this is all well and good. Your kid isn’t any different from any other. True enough. This isn’t about damning you or your kid. For heaven’s sake. Several people on this thread have posted to mention the guilt they feel today as older adults based on a fire they set when they were kids. Evidently, for you, that is a better outcome than taking the time to lock away matches so that your kids won’t play with them.
I cannot see the logic or the justification for crucifying the kid or the parents for something that could've happened so easily to others. (And I *know* there are many parents reading this story with their hair standing up on end, looking at their kid and cringing.)
Please Marie, where did I say a kid should be locked away? Honest to God lady, get a grip. I have suggested you and other parents consider locking away matches and lighters so that kids don’t have to make a choice until they are old enough to understand the full ramifications of playing with them.
We prosecute to punish. We prosecute to protect society from those who would do harm. This kid has to live with the consequences of his actions and that is probably punishment enough. Odds are, this kid had no intention to burn down 1500 homes. (Or even one, for that matter.) I doubt he'll do it again.
Here you go again. I haven’t advocated that the child who set this fire have anything done to him. Do you realize that?
My original objection was that you implied that a good parent can prevent a child from any serious fault. Kids have accidents all the time and most of the time it's just that; a horrible accident. We don't cast blame every single time something bad happens. Such is life.
My original premise did no such thing. My original premise suggested that you could help to reduce the possibility that you child would play with matches by locking them away. No child needs to have access to matches between the ages of 0 to 12 years of age. If you and the family are cooking out back or something, by all means let the kid start the fire with adult supervision as long as he knows how to safely. To prevent this was not the objective.
Why is this different from the thousands (millions?) of other times kids have played with matches? Because more people were affected? How can a child fully understand that? How can a kid digest *these* consequences and learn to live with it? What do you want to happen? Do you want the kid thrown in juvenile detention? You want his life ruined? Would you prefer his parents thrown in prison and the family broken up? How 'bout just throwing the family into bankruptcy? Would that teach this 9 year old his lesson to your satisfaction?
Will you please go back and read my comments. You are having a two way argument with yourself. I never advocated a child be incarcerated.
You ask, “How can a child fully understand?” Exactly! And that’s why I suggested matches be locked away until that ‘Child’ had a reasonable chance to. I didn’t suggest the child be locked away. Lock away the matches.
In the end, we're looking at the same *action* that many, *many* other kids have done. It just had a different outcome. The boy played with matches.
For crying out loud lady, fifteen hundred homes were destroyed in San Diego. Your defense against civil suits simply can’t be, “Many other kids did it. My kid just accidentally started the one that burned your homes down. No big deal. Get over it.”
(Just for the record, I never "damned" you for a damn thing. And, from your original post, I didn't see you "giving a fig" about the family's troubles at all.)
Just for the record, you read me the riot act in the last post. You can characterize that any way you like. I can can as well and did.
And by the way, don’t lecture me about what I advocate until you learn how to read and comprehend standard English.
One thing I learned was that even if your own kid is being safe when he is alone or with you, you still have to worry about other kids from the neighborhood playing with fire when they are visiting your house.
“I also nearly set a pillow on fire in my room whilst sneaking a cigarette”
My child, you have sinned. Give us 20 Hail Marys and 20 pushups and you will be forgiven. LOL!
This reminds me of the holidays when, our daughters confess things they did in their youth. I just keep my mouth shut about my youth.
so the kid started the fire right in their backyard? Right under his busy mother’s nose? Do you have a link to support this?
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