"Walk it off, Trebek!"
Posted on 12/11/2007 12:03:05 PM PST by NormsRevenge
“And French Stewart, you wrote Threeve.”
I was a contestant once on Jeopardy. They film five shows per day, once or twice per week. There is a short break between filming the episodes so Alex can change clothes. We also had a lunch break. So yeah, pretty sweet gig. And I think Alex got paid something like 25K per show at the time. And this was in 1989.
Art Fleming IS Jeopardy!
Thats "S" words Mr. Connery.
Occasionally, I see him astounded or dismayed at what the contestants don't know. The "answers" vary from ridiculously easy to fairly difficult. Last week he discovered how much Americans don't know about Canada. ;o)
Celebrity Jeopardy
Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell
French Stewart.....Jimmy Fallon
Burt Reynolds.....Norm MacDonald
Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond
Alex Trebek: Welcome back to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let’s take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new “Jeopardy” record with -$230,000.
Sean Connery: You think you’re pretty smart, don’t you, Trebek? What with your Dago mustache and your greasy hair!
Alex Trebek: Look, what did I just say about ethnic slurs? From “3rd Rock From the Sun”, French Stewart in second place with -$17,000.
French Stewart: I’m a late bloomer, Alex, and in Double Jeopardy, I’m gonna bloom!
Alex Trebek: Sure you will. And finally, back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.
Burt Reynolds: Hey. Hey, ah.. check out the podium. Look at this.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, that’s right. Turd Ferguson. It’s a funny name.
Alex Trebek: Great. Let’s take a look at the final board. And the categories are: “Potent Potables”; “Sharp Things”; “Movies That Start with the Word Jaws”; “A Petit Déjeuner” - that category is about French phrases, so let’s just skip it.
Burt Reynolds: Hey, uh, I speak a little French. You’re an assbite, pardon my French. [ does a quick laugh ]
French Stewart: My name’s French!
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn?
Alex Trebek: Moving on.. “Animal Sounds”; “Condiments”; and finally, “Your Ass or a Hole in the Ground”. Mr. Reynolds, unfortunately you’re in the lead, so we’ll start with you.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, I’ll take the condom thing for, uh.. eight thou.
Alex Trebek: That’s “Condiments”. For $400. “This condiment is made from mustard seeds”. [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart.
French Stewart: The answer, of course, is onions. I’ll take “Condiments” for $800, thank you.. [ buzzer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: That’s not the right answer. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: That’s not my name.
Alex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson.
Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Yeah, what do ya want?
Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!
Burt Reynolds: No I didn’t.
Alex Trebek: Yes you did!
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that’s your opinion.
Alex Trebek: I hate my job. The answer was “mustard”. Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds, it’s still your board.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah well, why don’t you give me, ah.. why don’tcha give me Ape Tit for $200.
Alex Trebek: It’s not “Ape Tit.” It’s A Petit.. [ shakes head ] ..never mind! Let’s just go to “Animal Sounds” for $600. This is the sound a doggy makes. [ Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery.
Sean Connery: Moo. [ buzzer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: No.
Sean Connery: Well, that’s the sound your mother made last night! [ laughs ]
Alex Trebek: Okay, that’s not necessary. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: Who is, ah, Scooby Doo? [ buzzer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: No.
Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog, Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van and, ah, solved mysteries.
Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.
Burt Reynolds: No, that’s correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Doo.
Alex Trebek: No. [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.
French Stewart: Um.. [ breathes ] ..who is John Caffney and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much, I’ll take Animal Sounds for $800 please.. [ buzzer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: No! Good Lord! We would’ve accepted “bow-wow” or “ruff”!
Sean Connery: Ah, ruff. Just the way your mother likes it Trebek!
Alex Trebek: Come on, that’s way out of line, but.. [ Reynolds walks up to Trebek wearing a large hat ] Mr. Reynolds, what are you doing?
Burt Reynolds: Ha-ha! Yeah, I found this backstage, an over-sized hat. It’s funny.
Alex Trebek: No, it’s not!
Burt Reynolds: Sure it is. It’s funny. It’s funny because it’s ah, bigger than, ah.. [ clears throat ] ..you know, a normal hat.
Alex Trebek: Uh, I see that. Get back to your podium.
Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Take a look at that!
Alex Trebek: Yeah, I see it. Go back to your podium. [ Reynolds goes back to his podium ] It’s not funny. What’s going on? Okay, let’s just move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is.. you know what? I tell you what, just write a number. Any number, any number and you win. [ music starts ] We’ll accept any number, any number at all.. a one, or a two, or a three, or how about a four? It’s that simple, I know you can do this. [ music ends ] Let’s start with French Stewart, who’s grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself. Think you’ve got the right answer?
French Stewart: Yes, I’m pretty sure of it, Alex.
Alex Trebek: Well, all you had to do was write down a number. And you wrote.. [ shows Stewart’s screen ] ..Threeve. A combination of three and five. [ Stewart nods ] Simply stunning. And you wagered.. [ shows his wager ] ..Texas with a dollar sign in front of it. I’m speechless.
French Stewart: No, I did not get the answer from anyone else, it all came from Mr. Stewart’s noggin.. [ points at his head ] ..up here.
Alex Trebek: That’s beautiful. Mr. Reynolds..
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, don’t bother, I didn’t write anything.
Alex Trebek: Good work, all right. Finally, Mr. Connery.. the category was Numbers, and you wrote.. [ shows his screen ] ..a letter V. Well, I tell you what, my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly. Let’s see what you wagered.. [ wager is revealed to use the V as part of a K in “Suck it Trebek” ] “Suck it Trebek”. [ Connery laughs wildly ] That’s all the time we have. Good night, my.. [ Reynolds places over-sized hat on Trebek’s head ] Would you get that off of me? [ pulls it off his own head ]
[ fade out ]
Celebrity Jeopardy
Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell
Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond
Burt Reynolds.....Norm MacDonald
Jerry Lewis.....Martin Short
Alex Trebek: Welcome to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. We’ve got three wonderful celebrities playing for charity. Let’s meet them. Sean Connery.
Sean Connery: Hello, Alex!
Alex Trebek: Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: How ya doing?
Alex Trebek: And finally, comedy legend, Jerry Lewis.
Jerry Lewis: May I tell you what a joy and a thrill and all it is to be here? It’s super-duper! [ laughs ]
Alex Trebek: Good luck to all three of you.
Jerry Lewis: Yeah, we’re gonna need it! [ laughs ]
Alex Trebek: What do you say we take a look at our board? The categories are: “Celebrities”, “Potpourri”, “Popular Music”, “Movies”, “”potent Potables”, “U.S. History”, and “’S’ Words”, which are words that begin with the letter “S”. Mr. Connery, it’s your turn.
Sean Connery: [ thinking ] Ah.. I’ll take “Movies” for $400.
Alex Trebek: “John Travolta learned how to dance for this 1977 hit movie”. [ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery?
Sean Connery: That would be “Jaws”.
Alex Trebek: No. “Jaws” is incorrect. And please answer in the form of a question. [ Burt Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: What is “Jaws”?
Alex Trebek: No. That was already guessed. [ Jerry Lewis buzzes in ] Mr. Lewis.
Jerry Lewis: If I remember correctly, Alex, that would be “Dancing For.. LADIES!!” I had to go for it!
Alex Trebek: No! That was incorrect, also.. what is “Saturday Night Fever”. Heads up, players. Sean Connery, it’s still your board.
Sean Connery: Uh.. I’ll take “Swords” for $400.
Alex Trebek: It’s actually not “Swords”.. these are words that begin with “S”. The answer is: “Popeye is this sort of man”. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: What is.. Popeye?
Alex Trebek: [ sighs ] No. [ Connery buzzes in ] Sean Connery. And, remember, these are words that begin with the letter “S”, not “Swords”.
Sean Connery: [ bangs podium, thinking ] Saber!
Alex Trebek: No.
Sean Connery: It began with a bloody “S”!
[ Lewis buzzes in, laughing ]
Alex Trebek: Mr. Lewis.
Jerry Lewis: I got the answer, Alex. You want the answer, it’s simple. They’re terrified of a perfectionist. “They” being the people who are running the studios this week.. [ time runs out ]
Alex Trebek: [ sighs again ] I’m sorry, Mr. Lewis. Time’s up. “What is Sailor?” was the correct response. Tough start for everyone. All three celebrities are $800 down.
Sean Connery: [ angry ] The hell if I’m gonna pay you a bloody $800!
Alex Trebek: Please, be assured, Mr. Connery. This is for charity, it’s not your own money. And it is still your board.
Sean Connery: Alright, I’ll take “Movies” for $200.
Alex Trebek: “This racing movie with Dom DeLuise told us that yes cannonballs can run.” [ no one buzzes in ] “Cannonballs can run.” Burt, you might want to guess this. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: Oh, I don’t know. Shakespeare!
Alex Trebek: [ flabbergasted ] No. [ Connery buzzes in ] Sean Connery.
Sean Connery: I’ll not pay this fine, you cur, it’s unjust!
Alex Trebek: You don’t have to pay the.. [ Lewis buzzes in ] Jerry Lewis.
Jerry Lewis: Cannonballin’ Mamim’..
Alex Trebek: Wait, wait, wait.. it sounds like you might have the right answer! Did you say “Cannon”?
Jerry Lewis: Cannon..
Alex Trebek: Now, say “ball”!
Jerry Lewis: Ball..
Alex Trebek: Put them together..
Jerry Lewis: Cannonballin’ Mamin’ aigh-yea! [ smiles ]
Alex Trebek: [ shakes head ] Okay, let’s just move on. Burt, can you please pick a category?
Sean Connery: [ whispering ] Pick “Swords”.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, sure, give me “Swords”.
Alex Trebek: [ annoyed ] It’s “’S’ Words”! “’S’ Words”! And, for how much, Mr. Reynolds?
Burt Reynolds: Aw, hell, let’s go nuts, “Swords” for $48,000!
Alex Trebek: We’re not doing “Swords”! You know what, why don’t we just move on to Final Jeopardy? The category is “Bodies of Water”. “This body of water gave Salt Lake City it’s name.” [ Final Jeopardy music plays, answers are written ] And, time is up. “This body of water gave Salt Lake City it’s name.” Sean Connery, you wrote.. [ screen reads “Swords” ] ..”Swords”. And you wagered.. [ screen shows lines ] ..what appears to be a Roman Numeral Seven.
Sean Connery: That’s an “M”!
Alex Trebek: That is is, Sir. Burt Reynolds, you put down.. [ screen reads “Alex Trebek” ] ..my name, that’s nice. And you wagered.. [ screen reads “Is a Fu..” ] ..”Is A..” ..okay, obviously that’s some sort of swear word. [ Reynolds smiles ] Jerry Lewis.. [ he’s missing from his podium ] ..has wandered off somewhere. Let’s see if he had anything. [ screen shows half-of-hand drawing ] Apparently his answer was an outline of half of his hand. And, he wagered.. [ screen shows rest of hand ] ..the other half of his hand. That’s beautiful. Well, I’d like to thank all of our celebrities for joining us this evening..
Jerry Lewis: [ runs in with glass of water ] I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was in the little boy’s room! [ spills water on Alex ] Oh, boy, I didn’t mean to do that..
Alex Trebek: ..celebrities for joining us. Unfortunately, because of your scores, money will be taken away from charities.. [ Jerry sticks glass in his mouth and shows Alex ] That’s very funny, Jerry.. Join us tomorrow when we return for more Jeopardy.. [ looking at Lewis acting like a monkey with the glass in his mouth ] I have no idea..
[ Lewis runs into the audience to reach the cameraman ]
Jerry Lewis: Hey, come back! Come over, here, lady! I want to talk to you, Mr. Cameraman! Come to me..
[ fade to black ]
"Walk it off, Trebek!"
I don’t live on this planet for 200.
Sue Simmons on NBC in New York just pronounced his name TREEBEK. Think she would know better. He was on Cheers.
I’d be willing to give it a shot. It’s not like the game-show host pool is all THAT deep.
Too bad Colonial Penn insurance is only Life and not Hospital/Medical -- the out-of-pocket for Alex may break him!
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