Posted on 12/23/2007 3:22:14 PM PST by goldstategop
America is talking about teen pregnancy. Britney Spears's baby sister Jamie Lynn, all of 16, is pregnant. The father, her 19-year-old boyfriend Casey Alridge, who may or may not face statutory rape charges for having sex with a minor, is someone she met at church.
Then there is Juno, a satirical comedy about a tortured but well-meaning 16-year-old who gets pregnant and decides to give her baby to a childless couple who later want to divorce.
It has been fascinating to watch the debate sparked by these two moms-to-be, with the principal question in each scenario being, "Why didn't she use protection?"
I asked myself what kind of protection they were referring to. The kind that prevents pregnancy and STDs? But what of the protection from the psychological, emotional and spiritual scarring that early sex engenders?
Studies demonstrate a direct link between teen depression, suicide and sex. The Heritage Foundation reports, based on the National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health, that about 25 percent of sexually active girls say they are depressed all, most or a lot of the time.
Amazing. Sixteen-year-old girls are having sex and the world is largely OK with it - so long as they use a condom.
Indeed, I have met many parents who, while preferring that their teenage daughters remain celibate, still take them to doctors to get the pill in basic acceptance of the fact that their 16-year-olds will be having sex. But are these well-meaning parents not aware of the many studies which demonstrate a direct correlation between an absent father figure and young teen girls surrendering their bodies to boys who don't love them in order to obtain masculine validation (which I chronicled extensively in my book Hating Women)?
PERHAPS THESE parents may not be aware of the studies linking divorce and overexposure to sexual partners prior to marriage. The more people you have sex with, the more of an expert you become in the opposite sex. And the definition of an expert is someone who can spot flaws, which goes some way in explaining why men and women find it so difficult these days to find an adequate partner.
As far as girls in their mid-teens enjoying sex or exercising their free choice to have it, let's not fool ourselves. Studies I cited in my book Kosher Sex show that almost 90% of girls who lose their virginity in their early to mid-teens regret it. So why do they do it?
Overwhelmingly, because they were pressured by boyfriends who made them feel that if they didn't put out, they'd be out. The classic refrain, "If you really loved me you'd do this for me," is something that countless young girls have heard from silver-tongued Don Juans who know instinctively how to wear down the armor of a vulnerable teen.
And in an age where young women suffer from pitifully low self-esteem, and in a culture that makes them feel like their looks are always subpar, many young girls will compromise themselves in order to feel loved.
It was interesting to read in one of the press reports that Jamie Lynn's father, Jamie Spears, was furious that his daughter both got pregnant and sold her story to OK magazine. I do not wish to judge him. But it seems fair to ask, "Why the anger from a distance? Why were you not present to protect your daughter from a relationship that was getting far too serious? You should be the principal man in your young daughter's life."
Mothers cannot be as effective in protecting their daughters from men simply because they are not men, and therefore do not know how the male mind works. That's why fathers must be actively involved in their daughters lives in order both to provide a level of immunity to their daughters from being desperate for a boy's attention, and to give their daughters a noble standard by which to judge the men who want to date them.
Sex is the most powerful of all human activities. It brings in its wake a tidal wave of emotion, enough to cement two total strangers together as bone of one bone and flesh of one flesh. But when that wave hits you, you better be pretty darn anchored or there is no telling where you might wash up.
THAT IS why sex should be practiced by adults only and within the confines of a devoted and secure relationship where there is no possibility for abuse. It's way too intimate for strangers and it's way too overpowering for kids, even big kids like teenagers.
Some will say that I am being too harsh on young men like Jamie Lynn's boyfriend. Perhaps he does love her. Perhaps he is committed to her. But the test will be whether or not he wishes to marry her and ensure that this very young woman is not left to raise his child on her own.
If he truly loves her, then he will not hesitate to take himself off the market and devote himself to her. And this child, like all other children, deserves a stable and nurturing environment, and few would dispute that the best such environment is marriage.
The New York Times, in a front-page story, raised the question as to whether Jamie Lynn can continue to star in her Nickelodeon TV show, since parents will now see her as a bad role model. Fair enough. But it seems incredible that the spotlight in such cases is usually focused on the girl rather than her boyfriend. We are not raising a generation of gentlemen in America who respect women enough not to have sex with them before they are ready.
That's why the scourge of teen sex will always be among us until we inspire dads to be intimately involved in the raising of their children, and raise boys to respect and cherish women as their equals rather than as a means to their more selfish ends.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
Good article. I know I’m whistling in the wind, but I hope Miss Spears will place her child for adoption with a stable married couple.
Agreed and parents should both be present in their lives in order to guide their children.
That said, the only person that can stop a 16 year old from having sex is - themselves.
You teach them, you train them, you instaill the right values in them, at some point you have to let them make their own decisions.
I would consider 16 about the right age for that.
Because they don't act like the responsible adults they aren't.
Very true.
Well, there’s what we want to do (culture, identity, pride, materialism, and the like), and there’s what we’re supposed to do. One side of our nature tells us to teach kids to continue being kids into adulthood, work for a long time toward getting rich, buy pretty mates, one after another, etc. All of that doesn’t work out for most, so most families are violated.
The other tells us to teach our bigger kids to be good adults and to do the right things. They become adults, choose good mates, get married and have kids. They more often resist urges to violate the family (adultery—not illegal for most but “abhorrent” just the same). They would have their chances to get rich, too, if so many weren’t so unwilling to hire goodness.
People will eventually have to stop beating around the bush with extraneous issues and doing things our way (the way of yet again making the first choice) and make the wiser choice between the two.
We’re a very spoiled generation. Things will change for the better.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
excellent article - thanks for posting.
Sex, just like drugs, fast driving, and other dangerously hairbrained behaviors, all parents can do is teach them to do right and hope for the best.
“Silly Rabbi, sex is for...”
Bears repeating
Did you miss this line from the article you linked to?
It's not at all "proved" that a later initiatiation of sexual behavior will result in dysfunctions. In fact, it seems to me more probable that
I do think that we tend to get married at too late an age in our society. I didn't marry util I was 37 and my husband 38. That's not ideal: I wish we had met when we were 10 - 15 years younger. But I still am convinced that at whatever age, the most healthy thing, physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritual, is to abstain from intercourse until marriage.
LOL! How true is this?? I have some other friends who also have sons (I have 3). We talk about how we were at 15, 16: lying on our girlfriends' beds, talking for HOURS about what such boy meant when he said "Hi" that day, going over his inflections, body language, smile, you name it, AD NAUSEUM! Now that we have been raising little men of our own, we know the answer: THEY WERE THINKING NOTHING!!! Nothing they said or did EVER had hidden meanings!!
Young girls actually do not yet know that boys do not think like they do! I had to have three little guys before it became clear to me.
G-d love you males; you are mostly so straightforward! I kind of feel sorry for you for putting up with all of us, but then... we're the spice that can light up your lives, when we aren't driving you crazy.
Come on in boy sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter do you now?
Yeah we think she’s something else
She’s her daddy’s girl
Her momma’s world
She deserves respect
That’s what she’ll get
Ain’t it son?
Hey y’all run along and have some fun
I’ll see you when you get back
Bet I’ll be up all night
Still cleanin’ this gun
Raised a daughter::ain’t that hard..
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