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To: Mrs. Don-o
That's one of the things that concerns me: kids having youthful sexual relations that cumulatively leave them hurt, cynical, callous, bitter, wary, reflexively sexually self-serving, or habitually emotionally guarded and self-protective.

If there's anything that's left me feeling hurt, cynical, callous, bitter, wary, reflexively sexually self-serving, and habitually emotionally guarded and self-protective, it's not having enough youthful sexual relations. :P

I mean, seriously, you want a formula for lifelong bitterness? Imagine being a 15-year-old boy, surrounded every day by freshly nubile female flesh at the dawn of its fertility, before the pressing tread of age has even begun to mar its perfection - and you can't touch any of it, because you have zero athletic ability, even less social acumen, zits the size of Cleveland, gonads the size of zits. You're so pathetic the jocks don't even waste their time bothering to beat you up anymore. The cheerleaders aren't impressed by your Level 12 Half-Elven Fighter-Mage, and the girls that are impressed by your Math Olympiad medal kinda look like you in a mirror.

You know what's the only thing that slapped me into shape and made me start trying to somehow make a respectable - or at least viable - human being out of that mess? The prospect of getting laid, of course - and not just by ugly overweight codependent hose-beasts, but by the girls that I actually wanted. I figured that actually being a hot, fun, witty, popular guy was far, far outside the scope of reality, but maybe, just maybe, if I got into shape, participated in more social events, made some friends outside my Dungeons and Dragons group, and found something to talk about besides partial differential equations, that I might be able to trick a hottie into thinking I was cool enough to be with for a while.

Fifteen years later, here I am, still working on that. :) But I think I'm a better man for it. And, in looking back at high school, if there's one thing that I kick myself for in retrospect, it's that I was too dismissive of myself when it came to getting girls, too willing to shake my head in despair and thinking to myself that the effort is futile. If I had tried a little harder, that effort would have manifested itself as further self-improvement - maybe I'd have learned to play a musical instrument, or decided to go to a more impressive college, or developed more ties with my community. Either way, it would still be paying personal dividends to this day.

I have a little brother of high school age, and I don't tell him he shouldn't have sex. Instead, I have tried to teach him that he should work on being someone worth having sex with. The little booger doesn't listen, of course. :) But hopefully he'll eventually figure it out.

33 posted on 12/24/2007 10:31:08 AM PST by Omedalus
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To: Omedalus
If you're trying to become the kind of male a really wonderful female would want, you're on the right track, you know. That's the main thing: seeing yourself as a gift, as someone who could make someone else happy. And watch out: that kind of thinking could lead to matrimony...

I wish you well in your quest to be the right kind of man. It's a worthy goal.

:o)

Merry Christmas to you. And your little brother, too.

34 posted on 12/24/2007 10:45:17 AM PST by Mrs. Don-o (Christus Natus Est! O Magnum Mysterium! Christ is born! Glorify Him!)
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