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Holiday classics coming soon:
RUDOLPH THE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY REINDEER: In this “holiday” treat, Rudolph and Henry the Transgender Elf overcome rejection for their differences and lead Santa and his team of organically-fed reindeer as they fly around in their hybrid-powered sleigh, delivering nonviolent holiday toys—assembled by Santa’s multicultural and unionized crew of elves—to boys and girls around the world without regard to children’s naughty/nice status, since “good” is culturally dependent.
A CHARLIE BROWN HOLIDAY: Charlie Brown is tasked with directing the play for his school’s Winter Season celebration. When Charlie fails miserably at picking out a proper holiday tree, Linus hops onto the stage to try to cheer him up with a moving monologue about the true meaning of Christmas. This upsets administrators, and once Linus mentions angels appearing before shepherds in the fields announcing the birth of the Savior in Bethlehem, he is suspended for imposing Christianity upon his classmates. Despondent, Charlie Brown returns home and finds that Snoopy’s light display has won the neighborhood’s holiday contest. In the end, Charlie Brown’s pals show up and help decorate his holiday tree, and cheering him up with a rousing chorus of nonoffensive holiday songs bereft of references to Christ or Christmas.
AL GORE’S FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: In this timeless classic, Frosty the Snowman appears to the delight of neighborhood children during the holiday season, but melts due to global warming. The global warming leads to rising sea levels and the dilution of the oceans’ salinity produces massive storms across the globe, thrusting the world into another Ice Age...and then Frosty the Snowman reappears to chide the children, as they flee to safety, about their parents’ polluting ways.
MIRACLE ON CAESAR CHAVEZ STREET: A heart-warming tale about how a family of illegal aliens in San Francisco get their holiday wish for amnesty. To raise funds for the family’s legal battle, a large department store sponsors a holiday pride parade with a gay Santa tossing condoms from a bag to the kiddies. Similar parades snowball across the land, and soon Congress has passed a comprehensive amnesty bill, over the frustrated objections of “anti-immigrant” activist Ebenezer Xenophobe.
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE RAMADAN: The intractably evil George W. Grinch is fed up with Ramadan and decides to stop the Whos in Whosistan from celebrating Ramadan. On the eve of the holiday, he descends upon Whosistan and rounds up Who women and children and locks them up in his cave. He torments them with his dog and forces them to watch as he flushes the Koran down the toilet. But after “freedom fighters” of the Islamic Army of Whosistan—led by the heroic patriot Whosama bin Laden—martyr themselves in “peace bombings”, the Grinch realizes that he is wrong and sets the women and children free on the final day of Ramadan. Starring Tim Robbins as Whosama Bin Laden. Directed by Brian DePalma and produced by Mark Cuban.