Iowahawk: An Archbishop of Canterbury Tale (Rowan Williams lampooned in Chaucerian verse. Hoot!)

Iowahawk blog ^ | February 12, 2008 | Iowahawk "With apologies to Geoffrey Chaucer"

[Dr.Deth]

I had this in my e-mail box this morning. I doubt I’ll read anything funnier this year, and that includes Steyn.

[Mrs. Don-o]

Whan spekying of poesie for funne,
Ye, think I, be numbr wonne.

[JusPasenThru]

Tee hee quode ye.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Alice folded her hands, and began:

`You are old, Father Williams,' the young man said, `And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- Do you think, at your age, it is right?'

`In my youth,' Father Williams replied to his son, `I feared it might injure the brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again.'

`You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before. And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- Pray, what is the reason of that?'

`In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, `I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- Allow me to sell you a couple?'

`You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- Pray, how did you manage to do it?'

`In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life.'

`You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- What made you so awfully clever?'

`I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' Said the Father, `Don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down-stairs!'

`That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.

`Not quite right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly: `some of the words have got altered.'

`It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar, decidedly; and there was silence for some minutes.

[dynachrome]

funny ping!

[hsalaw]

Sheesh - so many typos it was unreadable.,/i>

You're kidding, right? It's a parody of Chaucerian prose. You read Chaucer in high school, I'm sure - "Canterbury Tales"?

[B-Chan]

This is why the Tubes were invented.

“41 Sayth the libertine, “’tis well and goode

42 But sharia goes now where nae it should;

43 I liketh bigge buttes and I cannot lye,

44 You othere faelows can’t denye,...”

EPIC LULZ

[B-Chan]

I assume you are joking.

You are joking, right?

Please tell me you were joking...

[decimon]

You're kidding, right?

Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese.

[decimon]

I assume you are joking.

You are joking, right?

Please tell me you were joking...

I am right sorry for your heavinesse.

[hsalaw]

Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese.

Okay, I have to admit that's what Chaucer looked like to me in high school.

[decimon]

I took that from here: http://www.luminarium.org/medlit/chaucerquot.htm

Didn’t see anything about a moose or anyone’s sister.

[Albion Wilde]

Whan that Haouk of Ioway’s faire lande
Hath slain me wyth such verses from hys hande
That I upon my floore hath felle and howl-ed
Laughing withal as I rolled upon it,
My neighborman hath knocked upon my walle
And for my swift demyse did smartlye calle,
That I didst mortify his nyght’s refreshment
Whan Weems’s petard hoist him in his vestment.

Weems talked the fool in Englaunds’s sanctuary
Now spyderwebbed, where once, knights knelt to Mary
And sware to honore Cryste, the Source of Trothe;
But where a buffoon now spake shame. Forsooth!
The rowan tree itselfe would have more smarts
Than Anglica’s oulde man, emitting farts
And stinking up the place with thoughts of Satan’s.
Mayhap Weems thynkkes to merit many virgins.

[Albion Wilde]

pynge

[Mrs. Don-o]

Meseems the Angle-churche hath left ye Pope
Hath left ye Catholicke Faythe and alle hoope
Hath left Reform Repentance and Reknoowne
And Right and Reason tumbled alle a-doowne

For to embrace the Musselman’s Tradition?
Yea, tis folked up past Allah recognition.

[SuziQ]

Ha! Very good!

[SuziQ]

Ping!!

[Albion Wilde]

Yea, tis folked up past Allah recognition.

Yegads! Mine neighbor juste hath settled back,
When Mistress Don-O hath let rippe a newe attack
Of laughter ribald. Tis a fact,
That Weems doth make an entertaining hack!

[Excellence]

Ping for self-preservation. Certainly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

[Ciexyz]

Cool! Brings back memories of American lit class.