The reason behind the chronic withholding is the issue.
It’s a symptom of a deeper problem and it may be as simple as you flat out can’t stand your spouse anymore (for various reasons). Not condoning it....just saying “lay back and take it” will only make you grow to hate them if you simply don’t like them very much right then.
In which case, there are several solutions, including: (1) handle whatever it is that is causing the feelings, (2) end the marriage, or (for the case where staying together is good for the kids) (3) give your blessings for the spouse to take care of that elsewhere